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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am in a relationship with a doctor (in Canada) and the subject of children came up. We both want a child (or two) but him being a doctor has already expressed his disproval of home births (because of complications such as bleeding etc).

My take on childbirth is... I don't want strange people around me, staring at me down there, shoving tubes and IVs into me, shouting commands at me like when to push and when not to, and telling me what position I have to be in, and interrupting me regularly to check dialation etc. It all seems to me that a hospital birth is all about taking the power and control away from the mother.

DOn't get me wrong, I am scared of childbirth. And it would be my frist child. Thing is, I know I have a high tolerance for pain, and have a wierd ability (due to meditation maybe) that I can relax through pain and though I feel it, I don't react to it. I've been able to do this for a root canal without freezing at the dentist. Its like I kind of go into a self induced trance. I am sure that if I am left alone, and not bothered by strange doctors and nurses I will be able to birth my baby myself, with no drugs. If I am forced to do a hospital birth, I do not want to remember it. The humility of being exposed to strangers, the pain induced by not being able to relax, people shouting at me to do what they want when they want.... and oddly enough the horror stories of embarrasement such as 'pooping' on the delivery table.... I'd sooner have a planned c section and have IV sedation (the stuff that makes you have amnesia of the event).

I just know that I if I have my celtic easy listening music, and if I am left alone (maybe just hubby there) I will have no trouble. But how do I convey my strong feelings on this to him? Hospital birth scares me to death... and he is a doctor... he had to deliver babies in med school.. he'd be there in case anything abnormal happened at home. I really want him to understand that home birth is safe. The medical community wrongfully conveys that childbirth is dangerous and has changed it into a surgical procedure. I want him to understand...
 

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I am not exactly sure how to broach the subject. But if you are every considering marriage or children with him, I would get it out in the open before hand.

I just told my DH before we married that I was doing HB with any of my children. So he knew right up front what to expect when the time came.

Besides, being a DR, he should already know what to do in a real emergency, now all you have to do is to re-educate him on what NATURAL childbirth is all about.
 

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I will most certianly make sure my future DH will agree to a UP/UC for all of my children before we get married, and if he dosen't respect my choice to UP/UC he dosen't truly love me, so it's my way or the highway(ok maybe I want be that mean).
 

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how to bring it up?

i guess i would just say "when i dream of having kids, this is the birth that i dream of having."

that has worked for me when introducing new stuff to DH. he's usually very supportive though. we're on the same page.
 

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I wouldn't bring it up until you are sure you are ready to talk about really serious stuff with him-- I mean, timing is important. I know for me, this isn't the sort of thing I would bring up before marriage was on the table. Then, when you do bring it up, don't make it a bigger deal than it has to be, you know?

And think it over a lot yourself before you do bring it up-- make certain for yourself whether this really isn't something you could compromise on at all, and if you could, in what way?

And when you do talk it over, obviously, be really respectful of his ideas too, even when you know he's wrong!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I have actually talked to him about it today... lol.

I managed to convince him to home delivery as a possibility... but he wants someone to be there 'just in case' - I said ok.. as long as they stay out of my way, and dont shout commands at me etc... they would only be there as a security blanket (possibly in another room) and only called on if something was wrong.

As for him being a Dr.. in med school they only do about 1 month in obstetrics so he does not feel comfortable taking that 'huge' (as he put it) responsibility if something went wrong. He said he would never be able to forgive himself if somethng went wrong, and the outcome was bad.

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As for whoever said labor is easier than a root canal without anesthetic.. I have a hard time believing that lol. I did have a little bit of nitrous oxide in me for the root canal but no freezing. I could still feel everything but I just relaxed and went somewhere else in my mind, and was able to not react to the pain of the drill. The nitrous just made it a bit easier to let go and relax.
 

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I've had a total of six root canals (after I broke some teeth in an accident), and two of the teeth were done with exposed nerves---no pain meds
. I would take my unmedicated homebirths any day, any time over the dental work...and I'm not what I would consider very pain-tolerant.



Best wishes with your pregnancy and birth
 

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If it's any consolation about your dreamed-of UC, my lay midwife for dd1 was married to an OB (yes, yes) and they had their children at home unassisted. He was able to let go enough for that home birth, so it is theoretically possible your dp could too! Keep thinking and dreaming, and it may come up again. Good luck on your future birthing!
 

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when dh and I decided we wanted to get married, we sat down and discussed everything we wanted out of life and our marriage (that we hadn't discussed already!) and made sure each was fine with it. we made a few compromises but all in all we are on the same page about most things. I do not think i would have married him if he wasn't into homebirth,but thats just me, it is something I will not compromise on. So I would wait until you are both making a serious long term commintment (whatever that means to you-marriage??) and discuss it then.Good luck.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Synergie
I have actually talked to him about it today... lol.

I managed to convince him to home delivery as a possibility... but he wants someone to be there 'just in case' - I said ok.. as long as they stay out of my way, and dont shout commands at me etc... they would only be there as a security blanket (possibly in another room) and only called on if something was wrong.

As for him being a Dr.. in med school they only do about 1 month in obstetrics so he does not feel comfortable taking that 'huge' (as he put it) responsibility if something went wrong. He said he would never be able to forgive himself if somethng went wrong, and the outcome was bad.

---

As for whoever said labor is easier than a root canal without anesthetic.. I have a hard time believing that lol. I did have a little bit of nitrous oxide in me for the root canal but no freezing. I could still feel everything but I just relaxed and went somewhere else in my mind, and was able to not react to the pain of the drill. The nitrous just made it a bit easier to let go and relax.
ah i didn't see this post. i would be careful of having "someone there" who doesn't respect homebirth in general. Just having them there with their negative energy *just waiting* for something to go wrong could *cause* something to go wrong,imo. I would not go for that personally.
 

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First of all our female bodies were created for childbirth. The pain that *some* experience in birth is part of a hormonal orchestra playing out in the body. Although I can honestly say that I felt the most intense pain of my life during the homebirth of our daughter I also experienced the most intense joy and high of my life. Our culture leaves out the endorphin part of undisturbed birth when telling birth stories. Women actually lull into a sleep between the waves of childbirth, it is really something to see. It is the most amazing experience of life to give birth and FEEL it, not numb out from it. I like to tell women that the waves of childbirth smooth out the mothers spirit just as the ocean waves smooth a piece of glass. Dr. Michel Odent is a good DR. figure to turn your partner onto. Wishing you clarity as you navigate your way to becoming a mother.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by nurnur
First of all our female bodies were created for childbirth. The pain that *some* experience in birth is part of a hormonal orchestra playing out in the body. Although I can honestly say that I felt the most intense pain of my life during the homebirth of our daughter I also experienced the most intense joy and high of my life. Our culture leaves out the endorphin part of undisturbed birth when telling birth stories. Women actually lull into a sleep between the waves of childbirth, it is really something to see. It is the most amazing experience of life to give birth and FEEL it, not numb out from it. I like to tell women that the waves of childbirth smooth out the mothers spirit just as the ocean waves smooth a piece of glass. Dr. Michel Odent is a good DR. figure to turn your partner onto. Wishing you clarity as you navigate your way to becoming a mother.
couldn't have said it better myself!! so true
 
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