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<p>I have a 7 yr old DD and 5 year old DS.</p>
<p> It was hard for DD to adjust to sharing me with DS when he was born, but as he got older they became friends. They played together and the days were easy and peaceful.</p>
<p>Now I have a 7 month old who they both adore, but they seem to not be able to stand each other.</p>
<p>There are a few dynamics at play here; new sibling, more distracted tired mommy, 5 year old started full day kindergarten (does well- loves school-Thank God!), they are getting older.</p>
<p>So, there have been some major life changes that are understandably causing feelings. I am trying to figure out how to keep this from escalating into a permanent situation.</p>
<p>I am doing my best to spend quality time with them and remain calm, understanding, but firm during their constant squabbles, but it just isn't tapering off. It's been going on since the baby was about 3 months.</p>
<p>It really started with DD's anger problem (which is and has been another post entirely).</p>
<p>She yells, calls names, is very sensitive, and basically wants to control everything. DS has always let her have her way because he looks up to her. He is older now and sees some of the injustice and wont put up with it.</p>
<p>I'm not sure if this is just something that has to happen and to let it establish itself or if there is a way I can help it.</p>
<p>DS now picks on DD when ever he can to make her scream. She has a hard time getting over things and doesn't have the self control to ignore him. I speak to them together and separately about family, love, respect..............</p>
<p>They try and want everything to be nice, but everyday it's the same chaos and fighting.</p>
<p>I even tell them if I didn't have to spend so much time separating their fights I could spend that time doing nice fun things with them. They know it's true too. I always remember to do or provide them with something special on the days they have been peaceful with each other. We generally are a happy family but this really is too much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ive read Sibling's with out Rivalry a few times. As much as I like the book it isn't the answer to the time we are going through right now.</p>
<p>Anyone with any btdt advice?</p>
 

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<p>Well, I've only BTDT in the sense that I was about a year younger than your son when the youngest was born in my family and my brother was one year younger than your daughter.  We went through a period where we didn't get along great.  And my brother grated on my nerves for years.  He has a very abrasive personality that, at 42, is finally going through some positive changes (our parents also separated less than a year after our younger brother was born).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just today, my brother was thanking me again for being his best friend.  One thing that always stands out in my mind is that when we argued, our father would tell us to stop because a time will come when all we have is each other.  We also participated in a sport together for about 3 years.  We ran track and our father coached us. I was 8-11 and my brother was 10-13.  That may have helped as well.  We didn't compete with each other, but we were able to be on the same team where our indiviudal efforts helped the whole and our individual efforts could be recognized at the same time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hope this in some way helps!</p>
 

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<p>I've read parts of "Mom, Jason's breathing on me" and maybe a technique like that might help.  Does your library have it?</p>
 
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