Mothering Forum banner
1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,254 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
No we do not want to compete. But really - how to explain to a 6 yr old why his Easter basket was small with only a couple of little things, a toothbrush and some candy. Because his friends went on and on about all the toys and candy they got. One boy got 4 lego sets and another a big nerf gun almost as tall as him. I happened to be in the class Monday morning and heard it all. I was shocked. Though I should not be surprised. We had to deal with the "why does the tooth fairy leave so and so $20 and me only $2". Though at least the tooth fairy is random. Easter is, in his class, everyone at the same time. My DS was in tears this morning before school about it. He was thrilled with Easter until he went to school. Argh! I was thinking of telling him I think maybe the parents added in toys because I never heard of an Easter Bunny leaving lego sets. But then I got worried he would tell the other boy and that would lead to other problems.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,276 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by BoringTales View Post
This is a big reason why we don't 'do' the Easter Bunny or Santa.
:

This is one of our major reasons as well. I just don't think the temporary "magic" of the myth is worth the potential for hurt feelings. (Not that I'm saying you're a bad person for doing Santa or something!)

I don't have any advice either, really. Only you would know this, but do you think your son is old enough to let him in on the secret of these figures without upsetting him too much? If you were tempted to tell him that the parents slipped the toys in, you're halfway there already....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
249 Posts
its hard to deal with these things, we dont do the overly huge presents for events, and its hard because we are poor in an affluent town. Sometimes we just explain that other families do different things. even if you didnt do easter bunny/santa/tooth fairy there is always the next thing that wasn't fair. The kid who rents out the whole pool for a birthday party or gets a power wheels car the best thing to do is remind your son that he did get something special and sometimes other people get somethign we dont and vice versa. its a very difficult and emotional thing for kids to hear. weve had many tears over the same type of things.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
138 Posts
i really liked your idea about telling him that the parents added things in cause you never heard of the eb giving gifts like that...as for the fallout
who cares the parents who seem to think that they have to give give give to their kids dont think for one minute about teaching their kids not to brag or how other children will feel about it when they dont get as much or quite the same sort of giving...
to your son, poor little guy

v
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,018 Posts
This is where you start emphasizing your families values in a way that doesn't put down what other people do, but gives him a reason to feel special about the way you do things.

When things like this have happened I've said things like:

Some people have lots of money and some people don't, and that's ok. Everyone is different.

We choose to save lots of our money so we can do xyz, instead of having lots of little things we get to share one great big thing.

I think it's more special when you get one thing you really really wanted instead of 4 things you don't.

And I just engage my kids in a dialog about how things don't matter and yes I've even explained that some people buy things because it makes them feel better, but we as a family feel that you don't end up appreciating things if you have everything.

We get into some pretty deep conversations.

I never make it about being poor (we really aren't, I just don't buy lots of stuff.)

I always empathize the true meaning of holidays, and for us it's not about getting stuff.

It's also ok to be disappointed, or jealous. We just talk about it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,799 Posts
I don't know how or if you would bring this up with a child, but there's also the possibility that those children aren't really getting giant nerf guns for Easter and $20 every time they lose a tooth. Children have been known to stretch the truth a bit at times. I remember when my niece was in 2nd grade, she was always talking about all these wonderful things in her life. Like how her dad was going to the South Pole to film penguins under the ice, how she had a karate instructor named "Master Discipline" (*LOL* at the name!) and already had her blue belt even though she wasn't actually taking karate, etc.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,753 Posts
I've heard my ds greatly exaggerate before...

However, I did give him a giant lego set this year. I like to give him things when he is interested in them more than saving them for a big event. His birthday is still a ways off. I also hate giving him small junky things. He isn't into all the typical things people suggest putting in baskets. Makes more sense to give him legos than sidewalk chalk and stickers. Some of the small sets are only a few dollars.

We don't "do" the EB or Santa, either, so explaining to him has always been simple (our Christmases have frequently been more modest than others). We've done lots of discussion over the years as Porcelain Interior described. DH has had several long periods of unemployment that were great opportunities to discuss finances and priorities.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
184 Posts
I feel your pain on this one. In our own family my nephews recieved a Wii and a large four wheeler, the same Christmas. We have gone with Santa bringing some stuff and parents buying others. I also try to promote a feeling of "how nice for them" and being happy people we know and care about received such nice presents. I did not plan to have my kids believe in the Easter Bunny and Santa, but our 8-year old really enjoys it and I have to admit it's been fun.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,591 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by vivvysue View Post
i really liked your idea about telling him that the parents added things in cause you never heard of the eb giving gifts like that...as for the fallout
who cares the parents who seem to think that they have to give give give to their kids dont think for one minute about teaching their kids not to brag or how other children will feel about it when they dont get as much or quite the same sort of giving...
to your son, poor little guy

v
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,777 Posts
I would go with: "Some parents have extra money, and buy extra things to add to the easterbasket. We can't afford a lot of extras. If we bought extras for the easter basket, then we wouldn't be able to pay for XYZ activity that child enjoys."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
728 Posts
I would absolutely tell him that the parents add things to the basket.

I told my DD that at christmas, santa brings every child one or two things and the rest are from their family. Otherwise why do we donate toys every year for needy children?

We talk often about different families doing things differently. I point out the great things she gets to do that others don't.

Still it's hard and it's a important for them to learn healthy ways to deal with the feelings these incidents bring up.

Adults suffer from this all the time, that's part of why this country got into such a financial mess. Everyone wanted more.....

I wouldn't worry too much about creating problems with the other kids or families by saying that the parents added to the baskets. It's true.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top