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Hi,

I am new to the GD threads but I am wondering how to convince my dh to give this a try? He used to be the quiet relaxed dad and I was more of the emotionally charged drama mama... but he has been getting very mad, yelling and being phyiscal with the kids. This is really due to his own stress- work, diabetes, maybe depression, having 4 kids so young... but I refuse to let him be such a brute and make excuses any more. It seems that he cannot control his anger and he doens't listen. His families philosophy was along the lines of "you have to beat their butts if you want them to listen"...he agrees with this or he is just too stressed to care anymore. On the other hand my father was a complete control freak, abusive physically and verbally and I DO NOT agree with this!!
I am learning alot about myself as a parent and make decisions every day to stop and think before I act. This is hard and yes I lose it sometimes, but I feel like it is worth a try and wonder if their is any way short of leaving my dh that I can get him to try as well... Thanks!
 

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I would try to sit him down and talk to him about the changes that you see in him. Talk to him about how happy you were to see him so gentle in the past and tell him that you would like to see him like this again. I would tell him that you are getting to the point where you will consider leaving him if he doesn't start controlling his temper more with the children. Ask him what you can do to help him also. It may help to go to a parenting class together if there are any in your area. Tell him which discipline tactics you won't have him doing and which ones you will negotiate on. For instance, if he is willing to use something like time-out instead of spanking and is a good man overall then I would accept that and not break up over it even if time-out is not something you will ever be comfortable with using.
 
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