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First of all


Next, it sounds like you are grieving the loss of your former life, which is completely normal. The holiday season can be especially difficult as usually there are so many memories connected to the season (no matter what you celebrate) If you're not careful, these feelings can escalate into a full blown depression, which sounds like where you might be headed (if not already there)

I strongly suggest that you seek counseling, just to talk things through. This is not abnormal. If you allow yourself to grieve, then the feelings will have somewhere to flow.

Depression is like a stagnant pool. It festers until there is movement, so move through those emotions, move your body (even if you have to force yourself), move a pen (journal, write 'unsent' letters~burn them)

You don't have to stay in the place you are in right now, it does get better. I just think you need to take some kind of action so you don't fall deeper into the abyss of depression.
 
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