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Hello Everyone ,

I am a SAHM to a 3 and a half year old who is speech delayed , he has just started getting therapy and tomorrow will be his second session with his therapist. We have also completed the first round with the state board to have him get therapy through the public school, its been 2 weeks and we are still waiting to hear from him .

So he has been having issues at school , its a montessori school which he has been attending for the past 3 months , hasnt really picked up any words from there and hasnt learnt anything . We always used to wonder why and were quite sure abt him moving to the special school . So we always heard from his teachers that he is aggressive and pushes kids around and just doesnt understand when the teachers tell him not too . They still wanted to work with him first and try and get him to stop , one month later they still havent gotten around to him and we were finally called in today to observe him today . this was our observation of him and i would like some help in order to sort these issues out . i have written to his therapist as well about our notes but since Moms are better judges im seeking helps from you all to give me some insight how we can stop all this .

  1. Doesn't sit in groups, as soon as he does, its only for a matter of seconds and then he starts pushing children without any reason.

  1. He has zero attention span .

  1. Does very well individually on tasks when he sits alone. His favorites in school is blocks , building towers .

  1. Doesn't do circle time at all and every day sits alone in class to do tasks and never in a group .

  1. Is very aggressive in the playground and doesn't listen to his teachers. He does understand the word no, but that doesnt deter him from doing it again. I think more than seeking attention its becoming more of a habit for him.

  1. The teachers were of the opinion that he is very bright and very independent and definitely does understand what he is being told .

We were having a conversation with the school owner who was of the opinion that aaransh doesn't know how to interact with kids and doesn't understand that when he is aggressive he is doing something inappropriate . we asked the teachers to have him around kids in class he started pushing kids as soon as he sat down with them , we intervened and told him not to do so . But he still did it 4 times, at all times we intervened and stopped him .

He was not interested in being with kids in his class, he would from time to time go and try and talk to his class mates . In the playground today he was submissive because we were around but the teachers told us his aggression is increasing and it doesn't bother him when kids retaliate .He was playing with kids on the swing , but in class he was a loner who definitely lacks attention span .

The teachers also told us that the way he reacted when he told him not to push was very different , for example with us when we told him not too , he started crying, he has never cried in school and they were amazed to see his reaction . Because with them he just doesn't seem to understand when they try to tell him .

Secondly he is definitely not intimidated by kids elder to him . He was still willing to push them around .

What has deeply concerned us is his unwillingness to sit with kids in group since he doesn't exhibit this kind of behaviour at home so we were very surprised . There is zero interaction with kids in school.

Also just to give you a bit of a background about us , I lost my parents in the past 2 years which involved us travelling back to our home country for a year and that made DS's education take a back seat . He attended about 2 months of school in back home and now he is in this Montessori for the past 3 months .

Let me know how i can help him , for now i have volunteered to come into school esp at the time when he is out playing with kids , so as to stop at that very moment when he exhibits agressive behaviour . The teachers have advised us to have him around kids , now we have just moved to austin and have no family here .

How do i help my child , i have already gone thru so much myself this past 2 years that im on the verge of a breakdown myself .

thanks and sorry for the long long post but im helpless and seeking fr help !!!
 

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Hi, I wish I had more helpful information to give you. I think the the aggressive behavior is caused by the speech delay. Often children who have trouble communicating act out aggressively in social situations. How is his behavior at home? How is he communicating with you? I am sure his speech therapist can help you with ways to help his language at home but here a few ideas I have: letting him make choices, using signs paired with words, and narrating what is going around him in clear simple language.

It sounds like another preschool may be more beneficial for him. Is there anyway an aide can come in the classroom to just work with him and give him one on one support in dealing with social situations? You also may want to look at other schools such as ones with a small child to teacher ratio and are able to give him one and one attention as needed. I at not saying that the school he attends is not good but it won't hurt to see if another school is a better match for him. He also may be overstimulated by the environment or the amount of the children in his class. Also, you should talk to his speech therapist to see if they have a preschool program that he could attended through the public schools. Often towns offer public preschools for students with special needs as well as children without diagnosed special needs. As far as the suggestion of having him spend more time outside of school with children, you could try signing up for a playgroup with only a few children involved as well as taking him to places where there will be many children such as pools, the library or playgrounds and helping him feel comfortable interacting with children. Best of luck!
 

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I too would suggest sign language to bridge the communication gap. Have you spoken to your childs doctor about getting genetic testing done? I breifly concidered it for my now 11 yr old but as he is doing so well I dropped the idea. Further clinical diagnosis wasn't so important as he no longer needs an individual learning plan in school or extra help, and his ADHD medication has helped him so much.
 

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I am so sorry for the loss of your parents :(. I would definitely post this under the Special Needs forum. I have a three year old son who has speech delays as well, and that board has been incredibly helpful to me. A lot of what you're describing sounds like your son may have an autism spectrum disorder. Have you had him evaluated by a developmental pediatrician? That is where I would start. It can take a long time to get in to see one (here the waiting list is about a year), so I would get a referral from your pediatrician right away. A developmental pediatrician should be able to give you a better idea of what is going on with your son.

I have worked in Early Intervention, and children certainly can become very frustrated by their lack of communication and behave aggressively because of it, but I have a feeling there may be more going on with your son that just a lack of communication. The lack of attention span, not being interested in interacting with other kids, and not understanding what teachers are explaining to him are all red flags that I would want to have a developmental pediatrician look at more closely.

Also, I would consider looking at his diet. I was extremely resistant to this idea myself, but when we took all dairy products out of my son's diet, his level of aggression dropped dramatically. He went from literally hitting non-stop (I am talking like 100 times in an hour long play date if I wasn't physically holding him back...that is ALL he wanted to do is go hit kids) to maybe once or twice a week hitting us during a meltdown and never hitting other kids. Many kids will act aggressively when foods in their diet are bothering them. Aggression, lack of attention span, etc. are all big red flags for food intolerences (different from food allergies). Dairy seems to be a main culprit. Other big ones include artificial colors/flavors, gluten, yeast, corn, soy. We noticed changes within a day or two of pulling dairy out with my son, but the changes can take 6 weeks. Good luck to you and welcome to MDC. I hope you find some of the answers you're looking for. I know what a dark place this can be.
 

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I second earlier posts - I'd get him evaluated for spectrum issues or something else. In addition to the language delay, he may have developmental delays.

Are there consequences for his acting out? That are different when you do it than when the teachers do it? Since he responds to you and not the teachers, could it be a lack of consequences that is driving this.
 
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