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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i posted this in the parenting issues forum, but since gentle discipline is what i practice, or try my best to practice, i thought i'd post it here. . .<br><br>
my daughter is six years old, just finishing up kindergarten this week. she's incredibly creative and playful, and oh my, does she have a temper! i'm just not sure how to handle it any more. lately she's been particularly ballistic. i'll ask her to please put her rain boots on so we can leave for school, and she'll just blurt out in resentment, "OK OK," and then start stamping around, yelling things like, "why do parents have to be so bossy," etc. etc. i know it's probably normal, but i feel like everything is a negative interaction. everything makes her angry or whiney lately. and then my own urge to yell surges. i never hit, but i am constantly trying to control the yelling gene.<br><br>
today she had a playdate at a friend's house after school. her friend and mom dropped her off at home after a nice long afternoon and then my dd said, "can katy have a play date right now at our house?" both myself and katy's mom said, "oh no, you've had a long afternoon already, another time, we have all summer for more playdates" etc. etc. and dd just went crazy, started growling, howling, hissing, crying, waving her fist at me. it was kind of embarassing. and then i got angry. gave her a big talking to and a time out (i rarely give time outs, they seem somewhat ineffective, but i'm the one who needed a time out, even though she'd only been home a couple minutes). it took me a long time to shake my anger at her anger. it's just such a nasty loop. i feel like she's a teenager already.<br><br>
anyway, i'm ranting, but the real question is *** how do you all handle anger? your's, your child's? any specific tools for redirecting anger? it scares me! i'm sure there are threads about this already, so if anyone can point me in any direction towards threads or resources, i'd appreciate it.
 

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This doesn't really answer your question, but I saw a line in your post that compelled me to reply right away. It's the end of the school year. That, to me, explains it ALL. My oldest DD is always a wreck when school's about to be out. When she was in kindergarten, it was exactly the behavior you're describing from your DD. Whiny, combative, short-tempered, crabby, unable to hear "no" in any shape or form. I thought, "And now she's going to be HOME all summer?!" (If there were a smiley for "I am in hell" it would go here.) End of first grade, same thing, and also very emotional and weepy. At that age, with some prompting, she was a little more able to put voice to her "real" feelings: scared about ending first grade and going on to second, nervous about leaving the now-known first grade situation and moving on to the totally unknown second grade situation. (We find out nothing about placements until the day before school starts, so the end of the year can feel like falling into an abyss.) Also, she was very sad to leave her first grade teacher and upset to be leaving behind the five-day-a-week playdates with friends she'd made during the year. Now she's ending her second grade year and has been similarly emotional and cranky, but she's talked readily about how she feels about it. "Mommy, I'm not sure I want to move on to third grade." "Mommy, can we be sure to call my school friends to play a lot during the summer?" She's sad about leaving her beloved teacher, and questioning who she might get for third trade. It really is a big time of transition for these kids, ending a school year.<br><br>
Somehow, knowing this is a seasonal thing makes it easier for me to cope with her moods. This year and last year, we've planned big fun trips to take right after school gets out. It takes her mind off what she's leaving behind, and helps the transition into the emptier summer days to come.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
witch's mom, thanks for your post. i had thought about this, as my daughter was similarly negative last year at the end of her year at preschool. i feel like this does explain her behavior in part, but she has always had a bit of a temper. so i'm still trying to figure out how to address that. sometimes i feel like i'm being so abstract when i explain to her that anger doesn't solve problems. and lately when she's being super loud and we ask her to tone it down a little, her response will be, "fine. i'll stop talking for the rest of the night." blah blah blah. it's really kind of funny when you're not right in the midst of it. i know it will pass, and that is a relief. but i am curious about people's anger management techniques.
 

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Ditto,<br><br>
My six year old is also acting like this. She just turned six in April. From what I've read and observed this age is difficult (the first half of six) and coupled with the emotional aspect of school ending she seems pretty on par! My dd is very much like yours. I've been waking her up earlier so she wont have to rush, breakfast bribing treats :), picking my battles very very carefully and trying not to have a perpetually pissed off look on my face...lol.<br><br>
Lets hope for a relaxed summer!!
 

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Does it help diffuse her anger if she talks about it? Can you say something like "I see that you're pretty mad about not having (so-and-so) over right now." and let her vent? I know this works very well with my little DD, who's 4 and very sensitive and takes her feelings very seriously, but of course it requires that I be calm enough to be able to quietly listen to her.<br><br>
I have the yelling gene, too, so sometimes it's pretty tough!<br><br>
With my older DD, who's 7, a little humor and fantasy can help diffuse her anger--and mine, too. "What? You're never going to talk ever again? It'll be mighty quiet around here. Might have to get a bird to keep me company. Or a guinea pig . . ." These kinds of things, said gently and lightly, often engage her in thinking up what might come next. She's got a very literal, creative brain and often becomes angry when she's not got enough to THINK about. If I can just set aside my own irritation and engage her in a little creative banter, often we can go on to have a pleasant day. Sometimes when she's acting angry and awful, if I can gather my wits, I'll say, "Okay, let's think up a book: Chapter 1 . . . called The Day Everyone was Mad. Who's our main character?" Both my girls tend to get very involved in this.<br><br>
There is a whole big thread in here about managing anger ourselves. I'm going to go search for it and we'll see if I can figure out how to post it!<br><br>
here's one: <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=143142" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=143142</a><br>
and the other: <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=125727" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=125727</a>
 
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