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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm still kind of on the fence about vaxing. I've ordered some more books to read. DS is 19mo and has had 2 full sets of vaxes before I educated myself. Anyways what I am wondering is how does everyone deal with the condescension from their doctors/health professionals? Do you ignore it? Advocate for your beliefs? or lie/withhold the truth? I'm new to this forum as you can all see so I am lurking a bit.<br><br>
Thanks
 

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Welcome!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I would encourage you to research research research and then when you've done that, research some more <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br>
I think it's the only way to really feel comfortable about your decision. You will always be faced with adversity if you choose to delay/selective or no vax at all. There will ALWAYS be people who spout off things like "You're taking advantage of herd immunity" or "arent you afraid your child will DIE if you dont vaccinate?" blah blah blah. But once you know the ins and outs of how vaccines work (or not <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> in some cases) and once you read up on the individual diseases, you will have more knowledge and it wont be as intimidating <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> IHTH <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Once you are really sure of your stance you will show your confidence. I do not<br>
let things get to that stage where someone can put me down or be condescending. I will not tolerate it and put a stop to it immediately.<br>
I have no problems.<br><br><br>
otoh - we don't go to doctors unless there is an accident. Sickness we treat ourselves. My oldest grandson who is 10 yo. has not been to a doc since he<br>
was 15 mo.
 

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I ignore it. It was hard at first, but it gets easier all the time.
 

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If you "know" that your decision not to vax is the right thing for your child(ren), then really there is nothing <b>anyone</b> can say to make you feel insecure.<br><br>
I am like Gitti, personally we don't use doctors except in the case of trauma. We also treat ourselves.
 

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I think it really depends on your personality. Are you normally outspoken, extremely confident, etc., or are you normally more shy and quiet? I typically don't engage the doctor at all, but it's partly because our ped doesn't bother us about it, pretty much says, "Okay," when we've been to a vax visit and turned them down. We did see one ped at the office who was pretty rude once, but I just ignored it.
 

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I recommend finding a local pediatrician who is supportive of your choice: it will make things a while lot easier to not have to have a fight each time you walk into the office. You can try to find someone here, or through your local HMN or LLL chapters. I wish I had done that the first time... would have saved me some frustrating phone calls and doctor's visits.<br><br>
(Of course, you could also avoid the doctor as some people said, but personally I'm not comfortable with that for my family, mostly because I don't feel confident enough in doing my own medical care. Just my choice--not judging others here.)
 

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I would find a more respectful physician. If he is condescending when you don't take his vax advice, he will be condescending about other issues. They don't have to agree with your stance, but they should be respectful of your right to choose.<br><br>
I would also refuse to discuss it if they probe. You do not have to justify your decision to anyone. I would not lie because I believe in having a respectful, trusting relationship that goes both ways. I had a pediatrician like this once. Then we moved. Unfortunately, he wouldn't move, too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I am still looking for a replacement after two years. The pickings are slim where I live, but I have a lead on one from a friend. I meet her next week. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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I am new to this community as of today. My son has developed facial tics....and the only "links" I can find are the vaccines. To watch my son's eyes twitch and head jerk is heartbreaking.....I teach high school and have visions of children being cruel to him in the future....<br><br><b>SO my point is that it is YOUR choice and no one's to judge</b>.....coming from someone who used to think a friend was a "little overboard" on the vaccine thing....I never took time to listen to her, I actually had no clue as to any research....."The doctor's know what they are doing!", well I will come to live with regrets....<b>so stand up, research, and believe in your choice....and be glad that you have the opportunity to do that research!</b>
 

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i would venture to guess that most, if not all of us, experience some sort of "white coat anxiety" to some extent. it just goes with the territory of dialoguing with someone that you deem an expert, given their schooling and professional experience.<br><br>
one thing that helps me, though, is to remember that they are not the expert on my child. i am. and that will not change regardless of how many letters are after someone's name.<br><br>
it does take a bit of savvy to assess the situation and environment and act accordingly. i am very relaxed about talking to dd's ped about vaxes, but only because i know that he is very respectful of the parent's right to choose and he wouldn't pull a condescending attitude out on us.<br><br>
but i know that in other situations, i would probably be pretty non-confrontational. for instance, at the dentist's office, i left the "is your child up-to-date on their vaccinations" check box totally blank. first of all, i didn't think that the information was relevant for the advice and expertise that i was seeking from the dentist. secondly, i wasn't in the head space to deal with a discussion about it, so i simply decided to leave it be. thirdly, i didn't care for the wording of the question because quite frankly, my child IS up-to-date on her vaccinations according to OUR FAMILY'S schedule. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> but i knew that wasn't the answer that they were looking for, so i left it blank. sure enough, she didn't even ask about it.<br><br>
in any case, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">. it is difficult to go against the mainstream, but as many wise mamas have said time and again...only dead fish go with the flow.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thank you all for your advice. I'm a naturally shy nonconfrontational person. I really don't like my doctor but at this point I cannot switch. I'm in BC so it can be tricky to get a doctor to accept you when you already have one because there is a shortage. DS has been to the dr. 3 times in total. I have not been impressed any of those times. I went with a midwife for my pg and his birth although he did see a ped because of the emerg C-section.<br>
I should also mention that I am a nurse myself and as such trained in allopathic medicine. So I have some internal debate going on.<br>
Again thank you all for your replies they were very helpful.
 

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One more suggestion that can be helpful when people are trying to put you down:<br><br>
Imagine the person harassing you to be dressed in a bunny suit, complete with floppy ears and a fluffy little tale. Guaranteed to make you feel more relaxed!
 

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Many of us avoid non-vaxing unfriendly docs. Many also do not do well-baby visits but keep ourselves educated and vigilant regarding our child's health. I personally have a good FNP/DR/homeopath that I take DS to who will not let well babies stay in the waiting room b/c he says it is the best place to get sick. I don't talk about our vax status, esp not to med pros unless it is an emergency related to his vax status...which we haven't had. You may get kicked out of docs offices if they find out you don't vax so we don't even try to go there. Avoid regular doctors, educate yourself, stay low key, and ignore all the ignorant fools...those are my tactics.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Deborah</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9870971"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Imagine the person harassing you to be dressed in a bunny suit, complete with floppy ears and a fluffy little tale. Guaranteed to make you feel more relaxed!</div>
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Or in their underwear...that was a Brady Bunch episode once! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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I think it's really important to keep in mind that the doctor is there to serve *us* not the other way around. Anytime you hire someone to provide a service for you, while you might appreciate their input it is absolutely not their place to be telling you what to do... we get to tell them what we want, we are paying them, they are our servants and without us they would be out of a job. I got really irritated the last time I took my son in for something and the doctor kept going on and on about vaccinations (he was actually pushing gardasil for my daughter who's not even his patient) so I just told him if he'd like to hand me over some information to look at that would be great, but right then I was paying him to look over my son, not discuss vaccines. Years ago I would just listen to the harassment honestly thinking I had to... it's easy to forget when we aren't paying the doctor's directly (through insurance) that they are wasting *our* time and money. I've started expecting more out of my physician visits and it seems when I approach my appointments from that perspective I not only get more out of them I get less of the attitude from the doctor (I did have one experience where I had such a conflict with a doctor that he ended up calling over a new doctor to talk to me... it was rough, especially since I really love that doctor and I didn't want to have hard feelings with him, but ultimately it was definitely worth it because I got much better results with the second doctor.)<br><br>
So, I guess to answer the question I don't ignore, lie, or advocate, I just let the doctor know the subject is not up for discussion and remind them what I'm there and paying them for. The older I get the more I resent having my time wasted, especially when I'm paying for it... now if someone was paying me for a service I might worry about their opinion of me, but when I'm paying them they better be *really* good before I'll tolerate any disrespect and then I just remind them of their place. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jhow32000</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9871981"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Many of us avoid non-vaxing unfriendly docs. Many also do not do well-baby visits but keep ourselves educated and vigilant regarding our child's health. I personally have a good FNP/DR/homeopath that I take DS to who will not let well babies stay in the waiting room b/c he says it is the best place to get sick. I don't talk about our vax status, esp not to med pros unless it is an emergency related to his vax status...which we haven't had.</div>
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<br>
Question: what do you all do when your DC have to go to the ER? I've had to take DS 2x, and both times was asked whether he was vaxed--seems like it's part of the routine. The first time, I was not prepared, said "no" sort of tentatively, and the nurse gave me a bit of a hard time. The second time at the ER, I knew it was coming, so said "no" pretty confidently, and that was that.<br><br>
But should I say something else, like "no comment"? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Seriously, how do I know if it's a vax-related emergency (or could be)?
 

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We vax delayed and my pediatrician has never been condescending. Maybe sometimes the treatment varies with the impression they get from people?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>huggerwocky</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9892611"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We vax delayed and my pediatrician has never been condescending. Maybe sometimes the treatment varies with the impression they get from people?</div>
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How lucky for you! And how kind of you to blame the person being condescended to rather than the person doing the condescending.<br><br>
I'm also puzzled. Why in the world are you delaying some vaxes?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>huggerwocky</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9892611"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We vax delayed and my pediatrician has never been condescending. Maybe sometimes the treatment varies with the impression they get from people?</div>
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<br>
I highly doubt that this is the <i>usual</i> reason some doctors treat parents like idiots. Some individuals due tend to take advantage of others when they see vulnerability, but <i>it has to be in that person's nature to do so to begin with</i>. People who don't treat others badly based on principle aren't going to start doing it just because they see that someone may be unable/unwilling to defend themself. I've discussed vaccines with two different pediatricians at DD's visits, both in the same office. One has always been respectful to me and one was very, very rude on the one occasion we had to see her. (I refuse to ever see that one again.) I seriously doubt it was because I was such a different person from month 3 (nice ped) to month 6 (rude ped).<br><br>
What impression is it that you believe leads pediatricians to conclude that parent A is deserving of respect and parent B is not? Vulnerability? Ignorance? What is the implication of your post? Please clarify.
 
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