Im sorry you are so scared. I know familys are complex but is there any reason you have to have contact with your step father? Can you tell your mom about the abuse? Have you ever had therapy to talk through it and find ways to protect yourself and your children now that you are the adult?<br><br>
Im sure it is a very painful process as I have never been down that path myself. I know that dealing in reality with the truth of what really happened, while painful is the best way to work through fear.<br><br>
You need to feel safe in your life and know that you are protecting your children. Go seek help from a therapist who can help you work through it and make a plan. Your life is too short to feel such fear that you can't share the joy of your newest child being a daughter!!<br><br>
I agree that seeing a therapist is th ebest forst step you can take. I too was molested by my step-father for many years and I have the same types of fears. Heck, I didn't even want to have girls for fear of what could happen to them...and here I am blessed with a 2.5 yr old DD and another due any day.<br><br>
I however have cut my step-father from my life. Thankfully my mother is no longer married to him so that makes it MUCH easier for me. I have also worked thru counseling and have no problem telling people I was molested.<br><br>
I DO have huge issues right now with being overly fearful for my daughter's safety, so I am back in counseling and it is helping....<br><br>
The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is seek help, and if you can do it at all you should be open to telling those close to you about what happened. You did nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of. Hiding what happened can only make it harder for you and easier for him....<br><br>
Hugs and good luck momma!
Honey, you should try to heal yourself. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat"><br><br>
Try not to worry, but be aware of everyone, and keep an eye onyour child.
I was molested by my step father too, for years, but then he left and things were all right after that. But it sounds like yours is still right there and nothing's been processed and still secretive.<br><br>
In AA we talk about how our "secrets keep us sick". Maybe it's time to really let some light into the room, so to speak. Talk about it with the people in your life. It's safe to talk about it now, you're an adult, they can't hurt you now. You did nothing wrong, nothing to bring that experience on yourself. And you don't have to be around that person, ever. You never have to go back to that.<br><br>
Like boobybunny said, it's time for some healing.<br><br>
It took AA and counseling for me to gain some understanding about what I was dealing with in the aftermath of abuse -- and really, most days it just isn't a part of my reality any more. I don't carry the memories around with me, I know what triggers my fears and I either avoid them, or if they come up (as some have recently) I talk to others about it and check my reactions against reality. You'll find your way through it. You're stronger than you know.