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how to deal with lack of support?

698 Views 10 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  CalebsMama05
sorry, but i am always being stalked by a toothless she-male.
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Wow. That is shocking! Are you planning to stay with the father?
I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time and are not getting any support. My mother-in-law had a similar reaction when I became prego with ds#2. We did not talk for three years. She really hurt my feelings.

You may need to isolate yourself from her and get some counseling with your boyfriend, and some individual counseling as well. I hope you work through this in your own way and that things look up for you.
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So sorry to hear about your situation.

With my first son, I was with the father for about 10 months before finding out I was pregnant. He pretty much didn't want anything to do with it, and so I gave him an ultimatum. You can call me tomorrow, or it is over. Well, I ended up taking all of the shuff he had given me and breaking it, and leaving it in the back of his truck while he was in class.

The man I lived with at the time, pretty much the man I call Dad, didn't like the fact that I was pregnant, but he never really said anything. My mom was being her usual, act like I'm 16 again, self. I was alone pretty much the entire pregnancy. I know that dad-like man said that he would pay the extra money for me to have an abortion, but I was already 14 weeks, and seriously didn't want to go through with it.

I am much happier that I didn't stay with him. I found myself going on long walks, fishing, and doing other *me* time things I probably wouldn't have otherwise done. I am very stubborn, and put up with no man's sh*t. I am very surprised that I have been with my DH for 4 1/2 years now. The only thing I wish I would have had was someone with me when I went to the hospital when I delivered. I didn't think I would deliver that night but ended up with an emergency c/s due to pre-e/Hellp syndrome. My mom was their before they transported my son to another hospital, but I don't think she was there before, and my sister that dropped me off said she had to leave when they were shaving me because her husband had to go to work the next day. I don't think I will ever really *forgive* either of them for leaving me when I needed them.

I think that my state of mind, like yours, of how I WILL do it and I WILL be a good mom helped me the most. I spent lots of me time that helped to get my mind off of the situation. You also have your little ones to think about. How could you even think about tossing one of them away because it is not a good time. I look at my son and think, where would I be without him. And I'm sure your children will look up to you about how you were there for them and were able to do it even though no one else thought you could.

Much Love mama,
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I'm so sorry the people in your life are treating you so badly. Shame on them!! When a woman decides to keep a pregnancy then all those around her need to celebrate the life she will be bringing into this world, period.
Congratulations on your pregnancy again (I think I congratulated you in or due date club too)!!!!
It sounds like you do have the strength to get through this but I am so sad that you have too.

If you want to PM or e-mail me anytime to just vent and get things off your chest please don't hesitate to!!

What a sucky situation!! I'm really sorry to hear about it.
I don't have any fabulous advice, I just wanted to post my support. Whatever you decide to do, I support you all the way. But, I do want to mention, if you decide you would be happier without your boyfriend in your life, go for it. Be brave & get out of the relationship if possible. (I'm very biased- I finally left my unhappy marriage & was shocked at the level of happiness I found alone with my kids, without the stress of that negative man in my day to day life

You're in a tough place to be. I hope you find peace & goodness in the long run, whatever you do.
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i am SURELY one that dealt with a serious lack of support from my family at the beginning of this pregnancy. i am not married and to my family..this was the WORST THING that could ever happen to me or even the FAMILY.

i told my parents that i was expecting 1 wk before my 33rd bday. i am an independent woman in my own house, 2 dogs, and an educator...yet when i broke the news to the family..i had to deal with the yelling, crying, questioning, and VERY PERSONAL questions...they just couldnt "UNDERSTAND". the first thing out of one of my brother's mouth was.."are you gonna put the baby up for adoption?"

i hated Xmas day at my parents' house..i didnt want to go. i didnt want to be bothered by seeing them at church. my mom was so busy worrying about people finding out that i was pregnant..she went on and on about how did i let this happen being that i was raised in a christian household..(THINGS HAPPEN)

it took a while and a WHOLE lot of crying on my part before i got a grip and started treating my unborn baby like the blessing that she is!

i am sorry you are going through this and i pray for your continued strength throughout your pregnancy and beyond...i am sure that you are MORE than an outstanding mother to your children and will be the same if not better to child #4...wishing you well
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Oh, mama, I have been there too. I encourage you to seriously analyze what you are getting from the relationship you are in, and to reevaluate. The child is MORE IMPORTANT than the relationship. Your health & happiness are MORE IMPORTANT than the relationship. If you decide to stay, do so with eyes WIDE OPEN and realize you may never get what you think he "could" give you in terms of support (if only he'd change, or see the light, or whatever. he probably won't).

Having the financially non-contributing papa move out was sooo scary but the best thing I did: we started getting along great once he was responsible for his own bills.

Regardless, I offer you much love and sending lots of light to you and your family, who will not withhold love from this child once s/he is here. And if they do--find your "cosmic family"--those who will support you emotionally, friends being the family we choose.
Well, I don't have the words of wisdom you're looking for, but I wanted to add my voice as a way of supporting your strength views. I can totally understand the feeling of vulnerability and softness you described feeling while preggie. However, you have GOOD and RIGHT feelings on the matter - so just keep reminding yourself of that. Additionally, YOU are the mama... and you would be the primary person to bear the brunt of any action, so you have to do what is best for you.

I hope there are other mamas with more of the kind of ideas you were looking for. HUGE
and wishing you SUPER STRENGTH!
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first of all (and this is just my opinion) I would leave the boyfriend. I could NEVER stay with anyone who constantly talked about teh possibility MUCH LESS ways to kill off my child. born or unborn.
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