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<p>He doesn't have any right to your friends numbers.  You also don't have the right to give out your friends' personal information.  He is hurt, no matter the circumstances of your split, and is acting out.  </p>
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<p>My ex tried this with me until I asked of him the same thing, including all females he worked with at the military base clinic (he didn't and of course I never would have.  I was trying to make a point). .  It finally ended a bit after he got his girlfriend.  He accused all my male friends of everything from fucking me while we were married to pedophilia (how dare a person of the male agenda be friends with me without truly wanting to accost my children <img alt="nut.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/nut.gif">).  He refused to call my best friend by his name.  Instead he called him my boyfriend.  None of that is true, however; it was him acting out.</p>
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<p>Just refuse to discuss these things with him.  Also, he will probably use you dating against you if he can.  It will give validity to his fears, if only to him.  You just left him a month ago.  I'd chill out with the dating if possible, or at least not introduce this person to your children at all.  Hugs.  I know this is a difficult situation, and I wish you nothing but peace.</p>
 

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<p>My XH is acting in much the same way. Accusing me of having had long-term and multiple affairs, driving by our house late at night to see if there are cars in the driveway, suggesting that a man I hung out with <em>once</em> might be abusing our daughter, etc. It is crazy.</p>
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<p>We are not legally divorced yet and we still own a house together so our circumstances are a bit different, but my opinion is that figuring out firm boundaries is really important in our interactions with men like this. It is paranoid and controlling and unacceptable behavior.</p>
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<p>Your XH doesn't have a right to any of your friends' personal information. You don't have to go to counseling with him unless you want to. You really don't have to communicate about anything other than your kids and coparenting, because that's the only part of your lives you really need to share from this point on.</p>
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<p>I don't think it's dishonest to not tell your XH that you're considering dating. It's none of his business. It doesn't concern him. I would definitely take it very slow in terms of who you introduce to your children, and for me I feel like I would need to be fairly certain of a LTR starting to introduce anyone new to my kids--and even with that, I feel like I need to give them some time to get used to their dad and I not being together.</p>
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<p>I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Stand firm and stick to what feels comfortable to you. If you need to set a boundary to feel safe or to maintain your privacy as a SINGLE ADULT WOMAN, do it!</p>
 

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<p>I say:  Don't give him a forum to express his vile thoughts and disrespect.  When/how are you having these conversations?  When he starts saying rude things to you, how do you react?  Do you protest, trying to convince him he's wrong (because who cares what he thinks at this point) - or do you firmly end the conversation, hanging up if need be?  The only thing you both have to discuss at this point is your children. </p>
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<p>It sounds like he still has way too much control in your life.  Your personal life is absolutely none of his business.  I have never heard of an ex needing the names and numbers of his ex's friends and if he tried to get a judge to agree with him on that one, he'd be laughed at.  D</p>
 

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<p>"I am not having this conversation as it doesn't pertain directly to visitation with the children. Goodbye."</p>
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<p>You don't have to listen to his rants. Any emails sent to you that do not pertain to the children *directly* can be ignored and/or deleted. Phone calls can be ended. Face to face conversations can also summarily be ended by you walking away. You don't have to be rude about it; just be firm. It'll take a bit of time for him to adjust, but eventually, he'll get the point.</p>
 

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<p>Actually, don't delete those emails.  Written words are submissible.  <img alt="mischievous.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/mischievous.gif"></p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>vannienicole</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285099/how-to-deal-with-the-ex#post_16113313"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Actually, don't delete those emails.  Written words are submissible.  <img alt="mischievous.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/mischievous.gif"></p>
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<p><br><span><img alt="truedat.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/truedat.gif"> I would save every voicemail, text, and email. It is beneficial to at least have on your side.</span></p>
 
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