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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My inlaws are both smokers and smoke heavily in there house. If you include my bil too, there are 3 of them smoking in their house. Now, they want us to come over frequently, and we used to, but I just don't feel comfortable having my 3 week old baby in that smoke filled house. They say they won't smoke around the baby, but they just don't understand that I can barely breathe from all the smoke in the air when I walk in there, it don't matter that noone is actively smoking at the time, it is just in the air. I can only imagine how it affects the baby.<br>
My Dh wanted to go over there last night and we did, but I opened their back door right when I walked in and I don't think they liked that. They made remarks about how doctors claim smoking causes everything, but last I heard, it actually does cause alot of things! When I got the baby home, he smelled so heavily from smoke, his clothes smelled, he smelled, his carseat smelled.... I just can't stand it.<br>
It's not an issue of having them over at our house, MIL just won't come over. She has been over once since we moved to our new place in January, and that was only because she didn't go to the hospital to see the baby and wanted to see him. My DH likes to go over there because he can see his brother and dog. Yes, that is the reason.<br>
So, my questions are, what could I do to compromise? Also, what effects could it have on the baby being around the smoke filled air, even if noone is smoking around him?
 

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Maybe you could go over there but hang out outside?<br><br>
When Dana Reeve got lung cancer some expert on Larry King said that smoking just one cigarette in your lifetime increases your chances of lung cancer by some huge percentage (I think it was like 60).<br><br>
So, even though it is secondhand, that statement scares me and I wouldnt bring my cutie inside. I want him to be pure.
 

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I wouldn't compromise, I just wouldn't go. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"> Smoking is disgusting. It's unhealthy and it's toxic. It's one thing when it's in public and you can walk around a group of smokers or leave the area, but in a private home your only option is to simply not go.<br><br>
Unless they quit smoking in the house and made the effort to rid their home of the residual smell, I wouldn't go. The smell makes me nauseous and gives me a head ache. I wouldn't care if my husband went, as long as he changed his clothes when he got home. No way would I put up with my new born wreaking like smoke. No way.<br><br>
And those are just MY issues... nevermind the health implications of the a newborn being exposed to second hand smoke!
 

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I wouldn't go either...especially since they don't seem to understand how it isn't healthy for the baby to be around the smoke.<br><br>
Smokers tend to not understand how potent smoke is...I didn't (ex-smoker -- "clean" for 13 1/2 months <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> ) until I quit smoking...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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traces of nicotine can be found on EVERYTHING in a home that is smoked in.<br><br>
personally, i wouldn't go there anymore, but a compromise would be what a pp said- just staying outside if you do.
 

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My situation with my baby around smoke was different. My grandparents came to visit us when ds was one month old. I went to see them at their hotel room and they smoked inside the room near the window. I didn't want to make a fuss about it, and I'm glad I didn't because she passed away one month later. I would have hated for my grandmother's last memory of me harsh and ciritcal. She grew up in a different time...<br><br>
BUT, that situation was totally different. In YOUR situation. I would ask them to air out their home before going over, not to smoke around the baby, and make sure their clothes where clean. You have every right, even in their home, to request such thing when it comes to your baby's health. If they aren't willing to compromise for the sake of their grandchild, they can come to your house instead or not see you and your baby.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I have thought of staying outside and I did that the first time I came over there with the baby. But, living in Florida and having the baby out in the heat is a different risk. Maybe with the fall coming it will be easier to do.<br>
See, Dh is a smoker too, but ONLY smokes outside and changes his shirt and washes his hands before holding the baby again. He also doesn't chain smoke like his parents do. My point is that because he does smoke, he doesn't understand how potent the smoke is for a nonsmoker. He just doesn't get it.<br>
I just thought of the fact that the inlaws never wash their hands before holding the baby. I just know I am going to end up offending these people, but this is my baby, and I have to protect him, even if feelings are hurt. That is not my goal, but noone gets it.<br>
Does anyone have any links about second hand smoke and babies?
 

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Second hand smoke is very dangerous, especially to young children. There are so many studies out there...in fact there was another one in the news the other day that said girls exposed to second hand smoke as children had a higher miscarriage rate as adults!<br><br>
So, the effects are long lasting!<br><br>
This is a tough issue to deal with because smokers are so used to the smoke, they don't even realize it might bother someone else. And they are so addicted to smoking oftentimes that it is automatic reflex to smoke. And they often will not think about the health impacts because then they would have to think of their own mortality or give quitting real thought.<br><br>
But the health of a child is worth more than any smoker's inconvenience or hurt feelings, in my opinion!
 

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I have to agree with pps...I would not take a newborn into a place that is filled with smoke. I myself feel bad after being around smokers, I can't imagine how a baby feels. There are too many bad things associated with second hand smoke.<br><br>
As far as how to handle it, it a hard place to be. Simply state to dh, inlaws..whoever..that as the mom you need to make the best decision for your baby and not going into their house is one of those decisions. If your Dh grew up with it, it may be really hard to get him on board with it.<br><br>
Hang in there! Stand up for your littles ones right...they can't tell us what they don't like yet.<br><br>
We are here for moral support!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>North_Of_60</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I wouldn't compromise, I just wouldn't go.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
It's just way way too important. Maybe, MAYBE when the babe was older and they didn't smoke while there and opened windows before going over... MAYBE I would consider it, but doubtful I would actually do it - I smoked before I got pregnant and the smell is really intolerable to me now, in addition to how uncomfortable a child exposed makes me feel.<br><br>
Hopefully you can find a compromise that works for everyone, but don't feel you need to put your baby in an environment you're uncomfortable with for whatever reason. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>dany</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9066991"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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Hopefully you can find a compromise that works for everyone, but don't feel you need to put your baby in an environment you're uncomfortable with for whatever reason. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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I think that is a good philosophy for all parenting choices!
 

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I wouldn't go, not an option. If they wanna see him enough they'll come to YOUR turf where YOU set the rules, if not - their loss! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Maybe this <a href="http://www.epa.gov/smokefree/healtheffects.html" target="_blank">link</a> will help you. Fortunately only my bil smokes (but not in the house) .. even so once he's done holding my baby she reeks of smoke too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Now that my sis is pg we're hoping he quits soon. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> I couldn't even imagine having to go into a house that has been smoked in. I hate the smell that permeates everything!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/sick.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="sick"><br><br><br>
Ok.. I got on a mission after posting this... here's 4 more links... <a href="http://www.lungusa.org/site/pp.asp?c=dvLUK9O0E&b=35422" target="_blank">here,</a> <a href="http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/pediatricadvice/a/second_hand_smk.htm" target="_blank">here,</a> <a href="http://www.entnet.org/healthinfo/tobacco/secondhand_smoke.cfm" target="_blank">here,</a> <a href="http://no-smoke.org/document.php?id=212" target="_blank">and here.</a>
 

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my dad is a smoker. when he know's we're coming he stops smoking inside, starts the fans up and opens some windows.
 

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I wouldn't go either, unless you can stay outside. And I would make your dh explain why because it's his family. There's no reason they can't come visit their grandchild at your place, and your dh can go visit his brother and dog at other times, sans you and your lo.<br><br>
I'm not a confrontational person at all, so I understand any reticence you might feel about causing conflict. I would feel the same way too. And I think that it's probably too much to hope that they will understand your decision. But, your baby's health is too important to risk, and I think that in the case of secondhand smoke, your caution is very warranted. If you feel hesitant, you could always fall back on the "my pedi told me that because of the increase in asthma and allergies, it's essential that my baby be kept away from all traces of smoke, secondhand included."
 

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My father is a heavy smoker; his home is permeated with smoke and smoke residue. We don't see him very often, since he lives in Ohio and we're out here, but I have told him point blank (in a letter) that we will NOT bring the kids to his house, period, because of the smoke. After the last time we were there, when DD was a baby, and we had to go back to my mom's and wash every blessed thing that we'd taken in the house, even if it stayed in the suitcase, I decided that it was just not worth it any longer. I love my dad, and I want him to spend time with my kids, but not at the expense of their health. And luckily, he seems to get that.<br><br>
I understand that cigarettes are an addiction - I'm a non-smoking smoker myself, because while I don't smoke I don't think I'll ever not WANT to smoke - and I would never tell my father that he can't smoke in his own house. But I will not put my children in an atmosphere that I fully know is poisonous.<br><br>
As for your husband wanting to see his brother and the dog, tell him to meet them at the park. Everyone will get some fresh air and exercise!
 

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Having grown up with chain-smoking parents and a father who just passed away from lung cancer two months ago, this is an issue that's very important to me. Like others, I simply wouldn't take my child there. If spending time outdoors is not an option and the family won't come to my home, then I'd find neutral territory. Meet at a family-friendly restaurant, museum or if there's other family nearby, go to their house.<br><br>
If your husband wants to go to their house, then he can go by himself. Pretty simple solution there.
 

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I wouldn't go, or allow them to smoke at my place, even outside (good way to tick off the neighbors trying to enjoy their patios, around here). I don't allow smokers or folks reeking of smoke around my baby, unless they have just showered and put on clean clothes (but then again, around here no one smokes... I've never had to ask, just DH showering before getting in the family bed after his softball buddies had cigars one night for some reason). Smoke smell is HIGHLY irritating to me, as in I get sick and headachey with just a little... I'm not gonna subject my baby to it, also considering the SIDS risk increase.... I have every sympathy for smokers b/c it's an addiction, but that doesn't trump my baby's health. If I had close loved ones who smoked I'm sure I'd have to reevaluate, but I still would not take my baby to a smokey house. If they really care to see her, they'll come to my place...
 

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You are the mom. You decide what is best for your child. If you don't want him around it, don't take him. They can come to your house to see the baby. It won't kill them.<br><br>
DH and I are about to have a talk with MIL about her drinking. She's an alcoholic though and doesn't understand how it can hurt anything if she "just has one or two". Problem is she nevers realizes when she hits that 6pk, 12pk, etc., etc. We're going to tell her we don't want her drinking around the kids, meaning if we are coming over today don't start drinking this morning before we get there either. If she doesn't like it oh well. I bet she'll change her mind when she hasn't seen her grandchildren in 6mo b/c of it.
 

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nak<br><br>
this would be non-negotiable for me, i mean totally 100% non-negotiable--the end! i am actually concerned about THIRD-HAND SMOKE! Both of my parents smoke but not in the house, so that is not an issue, but when they come in and reek of smoke, i don't even like them holding Q! I usually make some excuse (oh, he needs a diaper) until they air out!
 
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