Hey all!
I need a bit of advice about how to approach this topic with my parents and in-laws.
My process is a long one. I have been 'family planning' for 3 years. That is, three years ago i began to work on myself and research what i would need for fertility, pregnancy, birth, and early childhood/motherhood. I have learned a lot, and kept most of this study on the down-low.
The reason for this is because a lot of the work was and is largely private--working through emotional issues and blocks, determining whether i want to be a parent and then, once that's determined, how i want to parent. So, there was no need to involve anyone.
Now that I have a good working plan of what i would like to do, how i want to prepare to concieve, how i want to go through my pregnancy and birth process, and also when i would like to TTC, i want to begin to introduce some of these topics to family members who could be very supportive (future grandparents).
My ILs have been 'chomping at the bit' to have grandkids for a couple of years now. we've had guilt trips and all of that stuff, and we've been able to fend it off pretty well. Over the last three years, i explained that we are considering having children, whether or not we can or want to, etc, and asked them not to pressure us either way. It was very difficult on my MIL.
My mother, on the other hand, has been crazy supportive about us not having children 'until we're ready, if at all.' my mother says she is happy with whatever decision we make. in fact, she's more supportive of us NOT having children as far as i can tell.
So, here are my fears. On the one hand, i want to tell mom and MIL that i'm starting on this process of preparing to concieve. For me, this process is a one-year transition into a pregnancy and lactation diet that is following the guidelines that i've studied through various information (ayurvedic, etc). This means cutting out certain foods and adding in others. IN addition to this, it includes a great deal of study and preparation for unassisted pregnancy and unassisted childbirth. I want to introduce these ideas before i'm pregnant so that we can hash out all the social-scariness of them, and i can be forthright about why i'm choosing this method and how i am planning for support (medical) if i should need it.
what i would like is for my family to be very supportive of the whole thing. What i fear is that my ILs will start going crazy thinking that it's "any minute now" and be disappointed that we aren't moving faster. They're very critical and judgemental people (anything that someone does thta's outside of their frame of reference is
bad and AP, UP/UC, EC, HS/US, etc are all WAY out of their frame of reference), and i do not think they're going to take well to the information.
I believe that my mother will be indifferent or even disappointed in me for doing this whole parent-thing.
How do i approach this with my family? should i bring it up casually (if it comes up) or do i go to visit them with this as a specific topic to bring up? how do i open a dialogue so that i am inclusive of them in this phase in my life, without opening myself up to extreme criticism and judgement?
or am i just being overreactive?
