[UK Mom]

I don't know if I am posting this in the right place - I hope someone will see it. I have two children - a 5yo DS and a 16 mo DS. I have no family in this country, and not many friends. I am struggling a bit with two children, particularly as the younger one is not a good sleeper, and I am majorly sleep deprived!

I am finding it hard to be excited about my youngest one. I love him very much, but I don't find joy in his stages of life, as I did with my first. I know it is not the same, but it just feels 'old hat' and I am not seeing any of the excitement of it. He is a VERY busy little one who is not even babbling yet, much less close to talking, and he is very physical. I find him tiring.

Did anyone else struggle with the joys of toddlerhood with their second children? How do I gain a little bit of the excitement of it back?

 

[Martha_2sons]

Since you mentioned having no family around and just a few friends it made me think that maybe you just need a little break. Do you have someone (a DP?) who could watch the kids for even just an hour while you do something nice for yourself? (Perhaps a nap.) For me, even short, infrequent breaks really rejuvenate me and allow me to be more joyfully present for my children.

 

[UK Mom]

Hi. Thanks so much for your reply. You are probably right. The problem is that the little one has separation anxiety in a BIG way right now, and he just cries and cries when he is with his dad (if I am not there). My DH finds that really hard, understandably, and I just feel stressed knowing they are both stressed out. So that won't really work for me right now.

 

[ewe+lamb]

Hi first of all hugs to you - we live in France and I have no family either so I know exactly how you are feeling. Can you sign up for baby gym classes or baby yoga classes - something that you didn't do with number 1 or swimming something that you can enjoy as well. It's so hard not having folk around, I've found LLL to be fantastic here you may have a group near you or NCT, there are also books such as Playful Parenting which you may find helpful or even better my all time favourite Liberated Parents, Liberated Children - I started with the parents section first opening many issues and emotions before tackling the children's part. I hope you manage to get things resolved if you'd just like to 'chat' PM me - I'm mostly here!!! Take care

 

[flapjack]

Seconding the suggestion for the NCT; I'm chair of my local branch after moving here last year. It really can be a lifeline for finding friends, even though a lot of people drive me insane with their lack of support for clingy toddlers

: I think, also, that part of the problem could just be that you've been parenting intensively now for five years. You need to find the resources in yourself to get excited about the new challenges ds2 is offering, but right now you're finding it hard to come by.
Parenting mantra: this too will pass. He will become less clingy as he matures and he understands that you aren't going to leave him, he will talk more and you can communicate with him, and you will get back to a state of balance. I think a lot of people find this stage hard going.