[windorabug]

Hi all, in therapy last night I was asked to think about finding time to do things that I enjoy & take some time out of the day to focus on myself. Seriously, how is this possible? I don't have family living near by & dd's dad is not in our lives. I occasionally will get a sitter but that is usually for appointments (like therapy!) And if I do go out with friends or something fun my dd is always with me. Do you as single moms take time for yourself? How, when, & what do you do?

 

[canadianchick]

I don't think it is possible, especially when kids are little.

to you.

 

[sharon.gmc]

It depends on the age of the kid. If the kid's old enough, you can take them to a day care. . .

 

[AlpineMama]

I think it's one of those cliches people use when they try to fix things. Like the one about accepting all offers of help when the baby is born. Trust me, if anyone had been offering to help I would have said yes! I'm not trying to play the hero. But there was no one around to offer.

Maybe the advisers have a really great social support systems and can't imagine life without them?

 

[Holland73]

Quote:

Originally Posted by windorabug Hi all, in therapy last night I was asked to think about finding time to do things that I enjoy & take some time out of the day to focus on myself. Seriously, how is this possible? I don't have family living near by & dd's dad is not in our lives. I occasionally will get a sitter but that is usually for appointments (like therapy!) And if I do go out with friends or something fun my dd is always with me. Do you as single moms take time for yourself? How, when, & what do you do?

I also do not live near family, ds' father is 10,000 miles away and I work full-time. Regardless, I HAVE to find time for myself. If I don't, I am a miserable, unhappy, disconnected mommy. Even when ds was little, it was even more imperative to make sure I had a little time to myself.

I find the more I nurture myself, the more patient, understanding, loving and connected mother I am to ds.

How: I get a sitter. I ask a friend, neighbor or colleague to watch ds, even if it is just for an hour. It is amazing how quickly people will help you out, if you ask them. Oh, I also go to the gym, which has a wonderful childcare facility.

When: During the week, I go to the gym. Every other weekend, I get a sitter.

What do I do: Sit in a cafe and people watch. Go the movies. Go to the bookstore. Just sit on the beach. Go for a run around the lake.

 

[Holland73]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlpineMama Trust me, if anyone had been offering to help I would have said yes! I'm not trying to play the hero. But there was no one around to offer.

I quickly learned it is better to not wait for the offers and just ask for help.

Many people, myself included, do not make offer because 9 out of 10 times people, especially mothers (again myself included), will not accept the offers.

Yet, when I asked for help... I was amazed at how many people jumped on the opportunity to help me, particularly during one the most trying times in my life -- X walking out and leaving with me a 2 month old by myself, 10,000 miles away from my family!

 

[AlpineMama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Holland73 I quickly learned it is better to not wait for the offers and just ask for help. [snip] I was amazed at how many people jumped on the opportunity to help me

I mean there are times when there literally is no one to ask for help, unless you mean strangers off the street... I'm just curious - WERE they strangers that you asked? Sorry if that's a weird question... I don't even have acquaintances, never mind friends, never mind family... So I really can't fathom who I would ask in my situation.

 

[windorabug]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Holland73 If I don't, I am a miserable, unhappy, disconnected mommy. Even when ds was little, it was even more imperative to make sure I had a little time to myself. I find the more I nurture myself, the more patient, understanding, loving and connected mother I am to ds.

This is exactly how I feel

 

[eccomama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by canadianchick I don't think it is possible, especially when kids are little. to you.

I totally agree. i dont have family around so the little time i have aloneis when dd is with her dad. i'm usually trying to catch up on laundry, cleaning and errands and dont really have time for myself. when i have dd i like to spend time with her so i rarely get a sitter unless i have something that i planned ahead.
i'm hoping to have more time and energy when dd gets older...at least i can dream can't I?

 

[AlwaysByMySide]

It always cracked me up when my therapist said I needed time to myself. While I sat in his office with my baby. Because I couldn't afford a sitter (and wasn't willing to leave my kids with anyone anyway.)

I have a 9 1/2 month old and a 3 year old. I only just recently put them in a local church's Parents Day Out program, more so I could get work done than get time to myself. (I work from home.) They have a Parent's Night Out twice a month, but I'm not willing to pay $30 for three hours to myself. Maybe if my life was more financially sound, but it isn't.

I also go to a gym with childcare. I now shower at the gym, because if I attempt to shower at home, I never get to do it alone. I can actually wash my hair and shave in ONE shower now - it's very exciting!

 

[Holland73]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlpineMama I mean there are times when there literally is no one to ask for help, unless you mean strangers off the street... I'm just curious - WERE they strangers that you asked? Sorry if that's a weird question... I don't even have acquaintances, never mind friends, never mind family... So I really can't fathom who I would ask in my situation.

No, they were not complete strangers.

But, in a couple of desperate moments, they were casual acquaintances. Such as the neighbor I had just briefly met the day before, who I asked if she could please just sit with ds so I could take a 30 minute bath by myself.

 

[NewMom0208]

Hello,

I am on a very similar situation, no family around and father not very available.

Definitively sitter, friends and trusted neighbors. Even if it is for a few minutes to take a nice bath, listen so some music or chill out reading an overdue magazine.

Now, I am also able to do some pampering WITH my baby
I go to local bookstore and get me a nice mocha and decadent chocolate cheese cake while I read some garfield. Baby is on high chair playing with some new toy.

We go to the mall, but I make it about me, shop a little for some clothing, parfume, or anything else I want/need that I can afford. I skip the baby and toy stores

I also manage to do micro pampering during the day:

I also do nice meditation every night for a minimum of 30 minutes as soon as lo falls sleep.

I have a 4 minute deep relaxation mp3 that, as soon as I figure out how to get on my ipod, I will carry around for a fast recharge

When I go pick up my son, I park in front of the nanny but stay for 10-15 min in the car listening to favorite song, eating a nice snack and/or reading some inspirational book.

I sometimes pray 10 minutes in the car before I get out of the car at work in the morning.

It has been a great improvement since my first post. I was unable to do anything but take care of the baby!!!

 

[WhaleinGaloshes]

When DD was under 3, the only way I could take time to "myself" was to put her in the carrier on my back and take a walk. We walked almost everyday in almost any weather, and it was time I could clear my mind and think and feel like I was alone, and get 30 minutes closer to bedtime.

It's not much, but it was just 'enough' for me.

 

[corysmilk]

I stay will stay up after the children are asleep and have a bath or read my book or have a snack. Not all the time, but even if I am tired the next day, it's worth it
Last night I had a bath, shaved my leggs, and just sat. listening to nothing

And today when they were both in the bathroom while I was ........ well I just took a deep breath and thought "it's ok" Then I did encouge them to leave PLease mommy is on the toilet.
ahh but that's what I do