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I am tandem nursing my DS (3y3m) and DD (6.5 m). DH keeps bringing up over and over when am I going to wean DS. I asked him what his concerns were with him still nursing, and he says that he just thinks that it is developmentally time and that he is worried about him becoming too much of a "mama's boy". He brings up an example of some people we knew where the mom went off to college with her son because she just could not bear to be parted from him. He also wonders if the nursing is more for me than DS at this age. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: I have already mentioned to him many of the continuing benefits...DS is less sick, gets good nutrition from it (especially since he won't drink cow's milk), helps fill in the gaps if he does not eat well some days, gets him drowsy and in in "sleep mode" at night so putting him to bed is easier, comforts him, etc. Its not like DS nurses all the time either, just morning and night unless he has a real need for it during the day. DH is very stubborn too, and does not respond well to web sources (like Kathy Dettwyler, kellymom, etc.) that I show him, as he claims he could find plenty of sources to prove his point as well. Any ideas on how to just get him to ACCEPT it even if he does not entirely agree?
 

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Ask him to find those web sources??? I don't imagine it will be as easy as he thinks it is.
 

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I just want to offer support, but I really don't have suggestions as my dh was totally on board with CLW. Ds weaned a couple of months before his 6th birthday, btw. Would you be comfortable telling your husband that breastfeeding is part of mothering and is between you and your son? That you have heard his concerns but disagree with them? At the very least, I hope he doesn't make negative comments in front of your children. Its great that YOU are trying to raise the next generation with a healthy view of breastfeeding!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I seriously doubt he actually could find an independently funded (i.e. no conflict of interest in where the money comes from) published, peer-reviewed study to show that normal duration nursing causes dependency issues. I have looked online for studies showing the positive effects of CLW, and have never run into one single study showing negative effects. The AAP has looked into it and states that there is no harm in it, granted the AAP is not <i>my</i> first or preferred source of bf information, but for mainstream minded adults it may hold weight. The only thing I would accept as a "source" is such a study, and I have never seen one or heard of one. It would be interesting to let him go ahead and look for one meeting the criteria of the studies you have to offer. I don't think he'd be able to find anything but opinion articles.<br><br>
Ok got that off my chest now I'll answer your actual question, lol.<br>
When it comes to something dh is unwilling/unable to research for himself, I remind him that some of the things he loves about me are my intelligence and dedication to our children. He must trust me to make well-researched choices, he knows that I will not choose a course of action that is detrimental to our kids. Just like he trusts me to not to spank the kids, and he trusts me to properly use the carseat when I drive with the kids... he must trust me to manage our nursing relationship to their benefit as well.<br><br>
The "it's more for you than for him" comment absolutely infuriates me! OMG if dh said that to me I'd have to walk out of the house and cool off before I responded. It has not been a cakewalk, the last few months with my three year old, and I'm not even tandeming!! If they could only see the perseverance, knowledge and effort that goes into this, (how can they not???) they would never in a million years dream of making such an inaccurate statement. Ack!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jillmamma</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">He brings up an example of some people we knew where the mom went off to college with her son because she just could not bear to be parted from him.</div>
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<i>She</i> could not bear to be parted from him?? That reflects on the mother's state of mind, not the son's! That's not an example of the child being too dependent at all. He'll have to find a different anecdote, that one doesn't fly.<br><br>
Anyway, here are a few references you may not have seen before; they may be of interest to you.<br><br>
Sally Kneidel in "Nursing Beyond One Year" (New Beginnings, Vol. 6 No. 4, July-August 1990, pp. 99-103.):<br><br>
"One study that dealt specifically with babies nursed longer than a year showed a significant link between the duration of nursing and mothers' and teachers' ratings of social adjustment in six- to eight-year-old children (Ferguson et al, 1987). In the words of the researchers, 'There are statistically significant tendencies for conduct disorder scores to decline with increasing duration of breastfeeding.'"<br><br>
And this is very interesting:<br>
"Cross-cultural research indicates a positive correlation between a culture's norm for duration of breastfeeding and a its level of peacefulness. Breastfeeding also promotes development in the parts of the human brain that regulate emotions and help us solve problems non-violently." (from the website Milk of Human Kindness.org, no longer at that address but I'm looking for their new link)
 

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Some more studies:<br><br>
Elizabeth Baldwin sums up the psychological and developmental findings in Extended Breastfeeding and the Law as follows:<br><br>
“Meeting a child's dependency needs is the key to helping that child achieve independence. And children outgrow these needs according to their own unique timetable. Children who achieve independence at their own pace are more secure in that independence then children forced into independence prematurely.”<br><br>
and:<br><br>
Studies show that “there are statistically significant tendencies for conduct disorder scores to decline with increasing duration of breastfeeding.” [Sally Kneidel in "Nursing Beyond One Year" (New Beginnings, Vol. 6 No. 4, July-August 1990, pp. 99-103.]
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jillmamma</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am tandem nursing my DS (3y3m) and DD (6.5 m). DH keeps bringing up over and over when am I going to wean DS. I asked him what his concerns were with him still nursing, and he says that he just thinks that it is developmentally time and that he is worried about him becoming too much of a "mama's boy". He brings up an example of some people we knew where the mom went off to college with her son because she just could not bear to be parted from him.</div>
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How does that make the son a "mama's boy"? And did she even do CLW? If she didn't then you have a terrific argument "I want to get enough bonding in now so that I'm not clingy like Susie."<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sapphire_chan</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">How does that make the son a "mama's boy"? And did she even do CLW? If she didn't then you have a terrific argument "I want to get enough bonding in now so that I'm not clingy like Susie."<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"></div>
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I have no idea if she even bf at all...these used to be neighbors of his parents that moved there when the son was much older, and have since moved away.<br><br>
Thanks so much everyone for the ideas and encouraging words! It gets hard when you don't really know many people IRL who nurse past 2, much less 3, and it makes a difference to know that we ARE "normal" and doing the best thing for DS! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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