How to handle "MINE!"

What we've done is to make a point of saying "my turn" "your turn" for everything. There are few things in our house that have ownership assigned to them. Instead we have things that are Mommy's size, Daddy's size, J's size and A's size (bikes, clothes, scissors, knives...). The way I see it, I buy many things for the family. Anything J outgrows automatically becomes A's. So it's easier to explain that it isn't his to begin with. It fit him so it went in the dresser in his room. Now it fits A so it goes in that dresser, and it's A's turn to wear it until he grows out of it. Then we'll give it to a friend who can have a turn fitting in it. Even our house is only a turn. Someday we'll probably move to another house and someone else will have a turn here.

The slide and swings at the park are everyones, but we all take turns. It ties in nicely to sharing, and taking turns. We use "wait in line for your turn" with great success.

Maybe that way of thinking will fit for you?

Thanks for your reply! Sorry I wasn't able to get back to it right away. It has been buuuuuuussssssy around here!

I like the idea of "your turn" "my turn" and having "family things." There's not much around the house that DH or I consider exclusively belonging to one of us. We tend to be a sharing family. I'm hoping DD picks up on that.

One thing that seems to work really well, is not to counter her "mine" w/ a "no, that's not yours." It seems to work much better to say, "That's mommy's, but I'll share it w/ you" or "That's mommy's but I can't share it w/ you b/c it's dangerous...or will make you sick...or it's special...etc." Amazingly, using "that's mommy's [or daddy's or whomever] seems to prevent any major fussing. Telling her "that's not yours," on the other hand is guaranteed to create a serious fuss.

Another way that's working for us is to tell her what is hers when she lays claim to something of somebody else's. For example, DD and her friend each have a similar doll. DD grabbed her friend's doll and said "mine!" We gave DD her own doll and said, "This is J's doll." Then we pointed to the other doll and said, "That is N's doll. Can you give N her doll?"

I agree with My turn - your turn. We actually play this game at home together to help her be more willing to do it with a child. It works! Yesterday she and another girl 2.5 had a ball playing "take turns" on a bike. Her mother nad I were shocked that they thought it was so much fun. Neither one of them really rode the bike because one would get on and the other would say MY TURN! LOL.

We still have some minor challenges at the park but it seems to be diminishing a little bit.

I think it's more embarrassing than anything - especially with parents who have a smaller child not yet at the "mine"stage. I remember thinking before I knew, "that kid's a brat." *sigh*

DH thinks it's hilarious when the cat comes to curl up in my lap and DD runs across the room yelling NO! MY LAP! MY MOMMY! LOL.

Do you all find that sharing is sometimes next to impossible for a young toddler. Some days DD literally does not seem capable of sharing. Some days she will share, but only w/ a struggle. Other days, she shares just as easy as can be. *sigh*

I also chafe a little at the concept that a child must share all of his/her belongings. It seems to me that forced sharing could lead to the exact opposite later (hording). Shouldn't a child's belonging be his to share if he wants (family and communal items notwithstanding)?

Sure, nobody likes a person who doesn't share, but maybe that's the natural consequence that can teach a child that not sharing can have unpleasant social consquences?

How do you teach sharing w/o forcing? Is it a matter of modeling (like the use of polite words)?

My DD often spontaneously shares and DH and I tend to share a lot (w/ her, eachother, and others). We also have certain things that we do not share and I want her to know that is okay too.

Ugh...I'm rambling here...

Quote:

totally agree with that.

I am reading "101 Ways to Raise a Happy Toddler" right now and she brings up the sharing thing...basically saying that toddlers cannot grasp that until age 3, makes sense to me.