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Hi All.<br><br>
Almost 3 years ago my husbands best friend was killed in Iraq. He was supposed to be sent home, but they pushed him an extra month and he was killed 1 week before he was to come home. He never got to meet his son, and left behind a beautiful young wife. Dh was very close friends with his wife (since they were like 9) and with his best friend since they were 12 or 13. He was the best man at our wedding, he even introduced us.<br><br>
When we found out he was killed, I've never seen anyone so sad in my life. He didnt speak, only drank, for days and cried. One day he just seemed better. He has asked me to remove pictures of his friend, and to keep Christmas letters from his wife away too, he says he's not ready to read them.<br><br>
For the past year or so, he's acted more and more distant. Its been getting super bad lately. All he wants to do is work and play video games (world of warcraft). He isnt doing anything around the house, our yard is dying, he wont help me set up a budget so we can pay off debt, and he's been really mean to me. We've been fighting a lot lately, and its gotten so bad I've even thought of leaving. It seems obvious he doesnt love me anymore. I thought maybe this was all stress from having our son (10 months old).<br><br>
After a very bad fight this weekend, DH left the room. I went out to him awhile later and he was bawling. He said that he was still so sad about his friend, but shoving it down inside. He said he'd been turning all emotions off so he didnt have to deal with this. He said that why he plays the video games, to escape.<br><br>
How do I help him? I've never lost anyone that close to me, and I'm afraid I dont know what to do. How to help him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 

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I'm not sure I can be any help, but I'm so sorry.<br><br>
I'm sure there are support groups out there specifically for soldier's friends and families. That might be a good place to start. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Thank you.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I'm so sorry your dh is going through the pain of losing his best friend. Is he open to going to councilling? It sounds like he needs to talk about his feelings instead of pushing them down inside. This may sound silly but also maybe he would feel better if he exercised( does he already) The physical activity would be a good release for him.<br><br>
(((hugs))) this has got to be so hard maybe he feels guilty as he's home with his wife and child and his friend never had that opportunity so he's pushing you away.<br><br>
I hope things get better now that you have got him to open up a little.<br><br>
M
 

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I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's friend, and wife and child!! This war is an ugly thing! I just wanted to encourage YOU to stick with your DH!!! I know that it's hard for you but it will be better for you all in the long run if you can endure and help your hubbie! Especially for your baby!<br><br>
Is there a military installation nearby?? The one your husband's friend was stationed at?? That would be a good place to start. Military Chaplains are trained 1) to be spiritual leaders/teachers and/or counselors and 2) to deal with military "stuff"--death and loss, etc. I would suggest trying that out. I'm sure that if you didn't have military IDs you could call the Chaplain to set up an appointment and he/she could get you a pass onto base. That may be the very best place to start. You know that they are used to dealing specifically with what your DH is going thru.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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We had another talk about it tonight, and he said that he wasnt ready to get counseling. I told him that I wanted to be there, and help him, and would do what he needed, but that he needed to promise me he'd be open with me. We do have a military base nearby, not the same one, but a different one. Thats a good idea I'll check there. Also I do think working out would help. He has absolutely no physical activities, and works sitting at a computer. That alone would depress anyone, eh? Thanks again everyone. I am learning to be more compassionate. I agree, this war is absolutely horrible.
 
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