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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Boy, do I need some advice! I have a very loving and spirited 2.5 yr old DD, and I have a newbie, 4 week old DS. I know this is a tough transition for DD, but she is driving me batty! Since DS was 2 weeks old, I have been taking DD to the same things she enjoyed before DS came along, playdates, library, swimming etc... but I feel like I can never to enough for her. She demands my attention all day long (much more so than before DS was born)- ESPECIALLY when DS needs something (nursing, rocking to sleep etc...). She gets very angry and frustrated and I have to constantly tell her to be gentle with the baby, which frustrates her even more to the point where I have to remove her because I fear for DS's safety. Things that were never an argument before now are - getting dressed, manners at table, brushing hair - you get the point. I make her a priority, and she actually gets way more attention than DS (partly cuz she demands it, and partly cuz he sleeps so much during the day), why is she still acting out so badly?! What else can I do for her? She got me so frustrated this morning with her aggressive behavior and yelling that I just wanted to smack her (didn't of course - but the desire was there ) I know that my patience level had declined dramatically due to the lack of sleep and I end up feeling so guilty that I'm not the fun, patient easy-going mom she is used to, but I am trying my very best. DS needs to be held a lot, so I just got a hotsling so I can soothe him and be hands-free for her, but she had a hissyfit this morning when she saw me carrying him around in it. I can't win!
 

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I can surely sympathize with you, as I've BTDT. DD1 was 25.5 mos. old when the baby came along. I think alot of it is she's just testing you to see how far she can go. She is having a hard time sharing your attention, so she acts out thinking that's the way to go to get some attention. Anyhoo, you probably knew this already.
What I found with my dd is that the more patient I could be with her, the better. We just had to break that cycle of frustration with each other, and I could notice a big difference in her attitude, and mine as well. It sounds like you are already giving her plenty of attention while the baby sleeps, which is helpful. Is there any way on a weekend your partner could stay with the baby while the two of you go outside to explore, run to the store, or do some little errand together? This might make her feel like she's getting special time with you and she'll know how important she is to you still. Also, maybe your partner/dh could make a big deal about a big day out just the two of them. Make it really special, it's for big girls, and the baby has to stay home because he's little, and can't swim in the pool, or play at the park or whatever.
I know I'm really rambling, but hopefully something I said made sense.
Mama. Its tough and frustrating for all involved.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks Sherri! You hit home with "breaking the cycle of frustration". I dug deep this morning for extra patience, and she did respond. It certainly wasn't episode free, but much, much better than yesterday. I've been trying to pump a little here and there so we can have a special afternoon while DH is home w/ babe. Phew, this is tough!
 

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I was coming here to post the very same question. My dd is going nuts over here with the tantrums every time ds needs something. She is 17months and he is 8wks. Its gotten better the last couple of days though, the one-on-one time is VERY important, it makes her a lot more reasonable when he needs something. And of course always making sure that she has something to keep herself busy with, crayons, she loves filling baskets up with toys so I have a lot of those, a favorite movie, things like that. Sometimes there is no answer, other than she has to get used to him being around.
 

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I think the outing idea is good however you may want to phrase things a bit diferently. I read "siblings without rivalry" and learned that teaching the older child that the baby can't do...{whatever}and you can b/c you are big sets the children up as rivalries. The older always thinking he is luckier /better and wanting to keep the baby, "down". Maybe just let your DD know that you are taking her out solo b/c you both want one on one time with each other.
My 2nd will be here any day now so I am truly only speaking from what I read.
 

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hipumpkins, you recommend the book, then? I'm looking for information on this subject, too.

addiesmom, so sorry hon!
s I have no good advice, other than that old chestnut, "This too shall pass!" try to enjoy your babymoon as much as you can!

~Nick
 

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Yes I liked that book. I haven't put any of the theories into practice just yet! So it sounds good on paper...but I guess, we'll see for sure soon enough.
 
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