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I just don't know what to do.<br><br>
My relationship with DH's parents has never been easy, but as the years have gone by things got smoother and smoother. Until recently.<br><br>
We have a dog. An energetic, young dog. My ILs came for a visit 2 weeks ago. During this time, they pulled DH aside to "chat" with him about the dog. They think our car is too small and that our dog will disfigure our child. They had already expressed their concern over dinner, but decided that there message didn't "get through" to us or something, so had to have a private meeting (without me) to talk some sense into their son. They think I am emotional (which I am) and irrational (my DH says I'm the most level-headed, rational person he knows). They have never really got to know who I am - they are too busy telling me how they did things in their life and why that way is the best way.<br><br>
Anyway, so DH is so fed up with his parents after this little private chat about the dog. We were happy to see them leave.<br><br>
A few days later, DH gets an email. His parents talked the entire car ride home and decided that they are not only concerned about the dog and the baby in the car, but now they worry about the baby's safety in general. The email includes a list of websites of stuff we should have been doing months in advance to prepare the dog for the baby, as well as some dog-bite statistics. Their main message was that they didn't like the idea of the kid and the dog living in the same house. I think they were obtusely trying to say we should get rid of the dog.<br><br>
I got pretty darn angry about that email, which DH showed me - we tell each other everything... We start writing a very poignant response, but decide to sleep on it before we sent it. After a night's sleep, we've both calmed down enough and decided that rather than engage in any more discussion, we just ignore the email - plus, that would really annoy them <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Today I receive and email from DH's sister, which, among other things says, "Mom tells me you are getting a fancier car [we aren't btw, we said we'd cross that bridge when we came to it]. That sounds like a good idea to me since you would'd want the dog crushing the baby - I know how excited she can get". To me, this was the ILs bass-ackwards way of getting their point across, again. I lost it.<br><br>
We decide to write an email (from DH) to both ILs and the sister that says: "Hi Guys, Thanks for your concern, but we do not wish to discuss this topic any more".<br><br>
The sister responds with an email apologizing for interfering. FIL responds with this "We had no intention of raising the subject again. Mommy went into town yesterday and had lunch with sister. Obviously the subject of the dog came up, it is a pity sister made the comment to you that she did in her email. However I do feel your email response was somewhat hurtful, considering we only had you and the baby's interest at heart and we directly know two friends whose kids were attacked by the pet dog."<br><br>
We're pretty sure MIL will call tonight to discuss. She'll be all in a tizzy. Our gut reaction is to write another email, that says <i>exactly</i> what the first says,"thanks for your concern but..."<br><br>
I do not know how to like these people. They are making it extremely difficult to coexist with (even though they live 9 hours away)! Not only are they annoying and nagging, but they insult my intelligence by assuming we (me) wouldn't take the necessary precautions to ensure baby's safety. They also have the nerve to go behind my back (at my own house) to have secretive conversations because they think I can't be reasoned with! The childish side of me wants to punish them by keeping them away from my family. I want to hurt their feelings like they've done mine. I want to yell at them because, in my emotional state, I think (but I know better) that it will feel good.<br><br>
However. These are DHs parents who are not bad people. I don't want our relationship to be awkward and strained - that isn't nice for DH or for our kid. I just don't know how to deal with them - especially since I know that these sorts of issues will keep creeping up. They won't let it go until we finally agree to do it their way. (We've had the, 'why don't you have a microwave? it is just SO convenient' talk about 30 times (seriously)).<br><br>
Can anyone tell me, or at least help me figure out, how to deal with these people and still keep my sanity.<br><br>
As an aside, I did dog-baby research in the first months of being pregnant. I am well aware of my dog's faults and personalities. I have already looked into car restraint systems and have already done "prepping for baby" training. (So all those websites we were sent were old news) I am an ANAL person who worries about EVERYTHING. I am the LAST person that would not be concerned about my kid's safety. Being an animal lover does not make me a stupid person (they think that pets are a ridiculous idea - a waste of time and money) - but I think that they would beg to differ. UGH.
My relationship with DH's parents has never been easy, but as the years have gone by things got smoother and smoother. Until recently.<br><br>
We have a dog. An energetic, young dog. My ILs came for a visit 2 weeks ago. During this time, they pulled DH aside to "chat" with him about the dog. They think our car is too small and that our dog will disfigure our child. They had already expressed their concern over dinner, but decided that there message didn't "get through" to us or something, so had to have a private meeting (without me) to talk some sense into their son. They think I am emotional (which I am) and irrational (my DH says I'm the most level-headed, rational person he knows). They have never really got to know who I am - they are too busy telling me how they did things in their life and why that way is the best way.<br><br>
Anyway, so DH is so fed up with his parents after this little private chat about the dog. We were happy to see them leave.<br><br>
A few days later, DH gets an email. His parents talked the entire car ride home and decided that they are not only concerned about the dog and the baby in the car, but now they worry about the baby's safety in general. The email includes a list of websites of stuff we should have been doing months in advance to prepare the dog for the baby, as well as some dog-bite statistics. Their main message was that they didn't like the idea of the kid and the dog living in the same house. I think they were obtusely trying to say we should get rid of the dog.<br><br>
I got pretty darn angry about that email, which DH showed me - we tell each other everything... We start writing a very poignant response, but decide to sleep on it before we sent it. After a night's sleep, we've both calmed down enough and decided that rather than engage in any more discussion, we just ignore the email - plus, that would really annoy them <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Today I receive and email from DH's sister, which, among other things says, "Mom tells me you are getting a fancier car [we aren't btw, we said we'd cross that bridge when we came to it]. That sounds like a good idea to me since you would'd want the dog crushing the baby - I know how excited she can get". To me, this was the ILs bass-ackwards way of getting their point across, again. I lost it.<br><br>
We decide to write an email (from DH) to both ILs and the sister that says: "Hi Guys, Thanks for your concern, but we do not wish to discuss this topic any more".<br><br>
The sister responds with an email apologizing for interfering. FIL responds with this "We had no intention of raising the subject again. Mommy went into town yesterday and had lunch with sister. Obviously the subject of the dog came up, it is a pity sister made the comment to you that she did in her email. However I do feel your email response was somewhat hurtful, considering we only had you and the baby's interest at heart and we directly know two friends whose kids were attacked by the pet dog."<br><br>
We're pretty sure MIL will call tonight to discuss. She'll be all in a tizzy. Our gut reaction is to write another email, that says <i>exactly</i> what the first says,"thanks for your concern but..."<br><br>
I do not know how to like these people. They are making it extremely difficult to coexist with (even though they live 9 hours away)! Not only are they annoying and nagging, but they insult my intelligence by assuming we (me) wouldn't take the necessary precautions to ensure baby's safety. They also have the nerve to go behind my back (at my own house) to have secretive conversations because they think I can't be reasoned with! The childish side of me wants to punish them by keeping them away from my family. I want to hurt their feelings like they've done mine. I want to yell at them because, in my emotional state, I think (but I know better) that it will feel good.<br><br>
However. These are DHs parents who are not bad people. I don't want our relationship to be awkward and strained - that isn't nice for DH or for our kid. I just don't know how to deal with them - especially since I know that these sorts of issues will keep creeping up. They won't let it go until we finally agree to do it their way. (We've had the, 'why don't you have a microwave? it is just SO convenient' talk about 30 times (seriously)).<br><br>
Can anyone tell me, or at least help me figure out, how to deal with these people and still keep my sanity.<br><br>
As an aside, I did dog-baby research in the first months of being pregnant. I am well aware of my dog's faults and personalities. I have already looked into car restraint systems and have already done "prepping for baby" training. (So all those websites we were sent were old news) I am an ANAL person who worries about EVERYTHING. I am the LAST person that would not be concerned about my kid's safety. Being an animal lover does not make me a stupid person (they think that pets are a ridiculous idea - a waste of time and money) - but I think that they would beg to differ. UGH.
