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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
There's only so much of mama to go around, you know? DS has been ill quite a bit as of late, and is in an extremely needy phase. Won't be separated from me long enough for me to go the bathroom, not to mention to attend to baby's needs. DS is a spirited child ... and an excited, loud, bubbly child, which is not conducive to infant sleep. I can't seem to get enough time to put DD down for a nap (nursing her down, or even just quietly rocking/walking) without DS RUNNING into my room, JUMPING on the bed, and SCREAMING his head off! No matter how many times I ask him to speak quietly, show him that sister is sleeping, try to involve him in a quiet activity or read to him, he still can't seem to bring the noise level down.

And then there's the whole issue of needing mommy THIS INSTANT, and that instant being when I am trying to change DD's diaper, nurse DD (I haven't figured out how to nurse DD while walking -- tits bigger than her head don't help that situation), or just generally give DD a bit of attention. I know, he's two and he doesn't get the concept of waiting yet. But this leads to MAJOR MELTDOWN.

I know he's feeling a bit displaced by baby, and that the needy, clingy phase is part of that. I'm trying to make sure he gets plenty of time with me, and just me, and I'm trying to give him what he needs when I can, as much as I can. But DH is gone for five days out of every eight, and it's just mama, and I can't be everything to everybody for every minute.

So how do you deal with this? I can't even begin to imgaine getting what *I* need every once in awhile -- like peeing on my own, or sleeping without a foot jammed in my face and another between my ribs, or even reading a book (gasp) purely for pleasure -- but this is getting to be ridiculous. HELP!
 

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I can totally understand what you are going through. I wish there was a simple solution to offer you - because then I would have done it those first few months with my boys. That being said, Nik isn't a spirited child, (he is generally calm and gentle) so that has made things a bit easier here....... but that doesn't mean that he doesn't have his moments of "I NEED MOMMY NOW!". I've also discovered that my child won't stay quiet for any reason, if he doesn't want to.
Before I would sit down to nurse, when Max was very little (and still nursing for 30 or more minutes at a time), I would make sure that Nik had a drink and a snack and a few good books or sometimes a favourite TV show on. I found that really helped curbed the "I NEED THIS NOW" episodes.
Showering.... I shower when the kids have gone to bed in the evening. Only way I can get one in.
Peeing......both the kids come into the bathroom with me, most times.
Read a book.... I think I've forgotten how to. :LOL The last book I read for pleasure was the book I was reading when Nik was born, almost 3 YEARS AGO!! (And I'm a huge book lover..... it's just about killed me not to have books in my life....if you don't count "Goodnight Moon". :LOL)
Do you have any family who can spend some time with your oldest for a while. My mom was down for a few weeks when Max was very young, and I found that she was able to spend on-on-one time with Nik and that helped the transition.
It does get easier - I know, horrible cliche - but for me, it did.
 

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to you mama! I know how you feel.

I can help you with one of your issues, possibly... do you have a good sling? If you know some other mama's who have them, you can nurse dc in the sling, even with bigger ta-ta's.
Believe me, this is a mama with H cups typing. the other option is when you are nursing and you want to walk, hold the babe closer to your waist and let 'em hang down... this takes a little practice, but can be done.
You just have to walk a little slower.

Good luck, and I'm looking forward to hearing what other mama's have to offer.
 

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I completely understand what you're going through. As others have said I love the convenience of my sling; however, for me, I just can't nurse in it unless I'm standing up. At 5'1" with long legs and a short torso, if I sit down with a sling in the baby is up to my neck or all smooshed up and can't really nurse very well, much less stay asleep. I use my sling when I need to be up and about, like doing chores or grocery shopping or playing outside with Sarah, but not for nursing or getting Ashley to sleep. Instead, I've actually shut the bedroom door tight (Sarah can open all the other doors in the house but the bedroom door sticks pretty hard) if I really need some quiet away from Sarah. I make sure there's nothing Sarah can get hurt on, and I lock the front door and basement doors, and then I tell her I'll be back. Once I nurse Ashley to sleep, I come back out and play with her. *Usually* she respects this, but even if she's yelling for me on the other side of the door, it's still quieter than when I leave the door open and she's bouncing on the bed and being loud. The bonus is I get to do computer stuff in the bedroom while nursing Ashley (like now)... That's the only time I get me time, either. So while I generally don't advocate putting a physical barrier between you and your toddler, if you have a babyproof, ranch house like mine, it may be an option sometimes... Of course I am also lucky enough to have my sister living with me and most of the time she's home when I do this, so if some disaster were to strike, she's in her room not far away. If you don't have another adult around much, sure it's going to be harder. Someone else said what about getting someone to help with your older child now and then. I think that's a great idea. It's so refreshing when my mom comes over and I can actually get a shower. Any other time, the three of us take a bath together; not my preference, but better than stinking to high heaven! Anyway, hth.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks so much for the replies, suggestions, hugs, etc. -- I really needed the hugs, especially.

I do have a sling (more than one, actually), but I can't seem to figure out how to nurse in the thing. When the bodacious ta tas are out of their boulder holder, they hang so low that DD would have to turn upside down in the sling to get to them, so the sling doesn't really seem to work for that. (I have to hold 'em up when nursing so that they don't pull out of DD's mouth, no matter what position we nurse in. I can't wait for that boob job! Nip/Tuck is right, baby! Or more like Nip/Lift! :LOL) I wear DD in the sling a lot, actually, because she and I both love it and it allows me to have hands free for DS. Guess maybe I'll have to try to work some nursing position out, though.

Perhaps I will try just letting 'em hang and holding DD down low and walking/nursing like that. God knows going braless at this point isn't going to make much difference in the fight against gravity!

I think the snack, drink, good books suggestion is probably something I could do that might help the situation. I usually try to make sure DS is engrossed in something when I go to nurse DD to sleep, but perhaps if I give him his snack at that time he'll be less likely to need my immediate attention. As for the books, this is something that is part of the issue because DS won't simply look at a book by himself, he MUST have mama read it to him. So I'm nursing, and he's throwing books up onto the bed (I nurse DD down in my bed most of the time) and yelling for me to read to him. Which would be a great, quiet activity for us to do while baby is nursing EXCEPT that DS is not a passive listener by any means, and acts out the books as we read, getting more and more excited as we go along. AAARRGGHHH!!!

As for having someone else come in and help me out, I WOULD LOVE TO! I used to have a mama's helper come over a couple of afternoons a week, but now that school is out, she has a summer job and is no longer available.
I have no family in the area (DH is in the military, so we are far from home) and I haven't really made many friends, to be honest. I keep trying, but I just haven't clicked with many people here. (Especially like-minded parents. This place is so mainstream midwest it's not even funny.) I really think I am going to send DS to preschool in the fall for this very reason -- so that I can get some time with DD alone, and so that DS can get some attention from other people. (Also because I think it would be good for him to realize that mommy and daddy aren't the only adults who expect certain behaviour from him, KWIM?)

Anyway, thanks again for all of the suggestions. Keep 'em coming. Many minds are better than one when it comes to raising a toddler, I think!
 
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