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Okay, my MIL is a caring and generous woman and I love her dearly. However, she keeps insisting that a woman shouldn't be showing until the six month. I am only 12 weeks 5 days and haven't been able to button my jeans for the past two weeks. I don't know how to respond to her because she is very assertive about her opinions. I feel kind of insulted by the comments. Last time she made this assertion I mentioned to her that different people show earlier or later depending on how short their torso is or how they're carrying or if they're experiencing bloating. She didn't agree. Her response was that those people were just big to begin with. I disagree with that.<br>
Should I just smile and nod my head when she makes those comments?<br>
Thanks for the suggestions.
 

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Every woman is different... that said, sounds like she's pretty darn stubborn, lol. I would just laugh and say whatever. You know the truth and while what she is saying is a little hurtful I would try and let it roll off your back, mama. ((hugs))
 

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(jumping in from New Posts)<br><br>
It's funny that you say that because my MIL spent both of my pregnancies telling me about how much more she showed during her pregnancies than I did...and she'd always follow it up with "...but I was really thin" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
Everybody shows at different times and in different ways. To disagree with that is....silly. Depending on your relationship with your MIL, I would either laugh it off and roll my eyes or say something like "You know, <i>I'm</i> showing and your saying that is really, really insulting."<br><br>
...I was a fan of the eye-rolling. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I wouldn't know how to respond because if you're showing you're showing! I'm 11 weeks and look like I'm 5 months -- there is nothing I can do about that!
 

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My MIL thinks it's pretty funny how early I show, but she says it's because I've got a small frame. My MIL says a lot of things that are hard to hear ("You'd be CRAZY to use a midwife!" this was about 5 minutes before we told them our first would be born at a FSBC).<br><br>
When they are the little things, I usually tell her what's really going on, laugh things off with her, etc. But if it's something persistent or hurtful, I talk with my DH about it. He has 30+ years of talking with his mom about things that upset him (she's pretty good at that) and they know how to do it and still feel good about their relationship. He's really great at bringing things up in a way that says that he's the one that is upset, or that we're upset....and I think it makes a big difference.
 

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Invite HER to fasten your jeans?<br><br>
I showed at (literally) 5 weeks with this one. It was bloating, but i LOOKED about 5 months pregnant. By 4months pregnant it had finally settled, and then of course rapidly came back on again, as i got more and more pregnant. NOw i a gigantic. Lol.<br><br>
You KNOW what you're saying is true, your body is WALKING EVIDENCE of the fact that you're right. If all else fails just say, "you're right MIL, i was just super-fat anyway and this baby thing is an excuse" and see if she actually joins her dots....
 

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Is she older? Your mother in law is probably from the era where women were 'allowed' to gain only 15 lbs and pregnancy was something to hide until the 6th month or so. It's not that people weren't showing, in her mind it isn't proper to show earlier because that's probably what she's been conditioned to feel.<br><br>
Maybe ask her some questions about childbearing in her parenting years, people's attitudes and fashions, etc. and you may understand more about her cultural programming <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NortheastSuperstar</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15405171"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Is she older? Your mother in law is probably from the era where women were 'allowed' to gain only 15 lbs and pregnancy was something to hide until the 6th month or so. It's not that people weren't showing, in her mind it isn't proper to show earlier because that's probably what she's been conditioned to feel.<br><br>
Maybe ask her some questions about childbearing in her parenting years, people's attitudes and fashions, etc. and you may understand more about her cultural programming <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"></div>
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I was thinking about this too. My own mother has made a couple comments about my weight and with crazy pregnancy hormones flowing right now, those comments sting. However, I do know that my mom only gained 15 pounds with both my sister and I (<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy"> I have no idea how that is managed...), so her frame of reference is different than mine. I tell her that the doctor is pleased with how I'm doing and if I say it pointed enough, she shuts up.
 

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So many good responses from PPs. The only thing I can think of is it's about her and her self-perception not you, kwim?<br><br>
Like, somehow she prided herself on not showing until later and is somehow finding a way to (at this late stage!) puff herself up a little by talking about it or is just trying to relate to you through shared experience. I think if viewed in that light, it would be easier to let it roll off your back. Maybe she's feeling melancholy because you are the one whose pregnant and her "time is over"? Or somehow left out?<br><br>
IDK, just my two cents. I obviously don't know her at all!
 

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That's like arguing that the color of the sky is green! Silly woman! If your showing your showing and nothing she says can change that *fact*.<br><br>
MIL's can be so crazymaking. Mine yesterday was asking me where this baby would sleep, as if cosleeping with my first wasn't a clue? And then kept going on and on about how *she* couldn't SLEEP with the baby next to her, all the little noises woke her up, ect. Thinking back to Orion's nighttime nurse-a-thons I would have never gotten any sleep if he DIDN'T sleep with me. You think she'd have a clue, I've been through this, have a 6 year old, clearly I've found my own way thank you very much.
 

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This is probably based on some older pregnancy myths/advice/whatever. I know that one of my friends who is in her 50s comments on how much pressure there was on pregnant women not to gain too much weight when she had her first 30+ years ago. She recounts being put on diet pills while pregnant by her doctor. If there was all this pressure on women not to gain weight I would imagine there was also pressure not to look too big placed on them too.<br><br>
I'd probably just ignore her.<br><br>
Or I'd say something about how crazy it is how quickly pregnancy advice changes through the years, but that your doctor is happy with how your progress, and thank her for her concern.
 

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I have a little chart called a Baby Egg (you can order it from <a href="http://www.birthwithlove.com/categories/itempage.asp?pagenum=1&Manuid=&Subcat=16BA&catid=00aa&prodid=Baby-Egg-Development+Charts" target="_blank">Birthwithlove Midwifery Supplies</a>). It shows the actual size of the baby, so maybe that would help her visualize how big your baby and uterus actually are? Also, <a href="http://www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10239" target="_blank">Childbirth Connection</a> has some pictures that can help illustrate how the internal organs are pushed up and out of the way of the growing uterus. Maybe some education will enlighten her and then she might lighten up on you.
 

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I'm a big fan of "huh" and then having an inexplicable need to pee RIGHT AWAY when people I can't really fight with say things that make me crazy. It's not as wise as some of the advice you've gotten from previous posters, but it has certainly gotten me out of some nasty situations!
 

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My MIL is such a mystery to me. Strong opinions, and I never quite know if I know what her motive is, so to speak, when she states things so bluntly. Like your MIL she is caring and generally a very good person. But such a mystery--just weird sometimes. (Of course, my mother totally confounds my husband, so there ya go!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">).<br><br>
Knowing myself, if my MIL said what yours did, I would probably try to educate her with my vast knowledge of pregnancy. But that is just me. And most of the time I find the best thing to do is just say, "Oh, I see." And then probably make some kind of joke at my expense (which sometimes I think makes her feel bad, so maybe I am just passively trying to get to her! Oy!)
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NortheastSuperstar</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15405171"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Is she older? Your mother in law is probably from the era where women were 'allowed' to gain only 15 lbs and pregnancy was something to hide until the 6th month or so. It's not that people weren't showing, in her mind it isn't proper to show earlier because that's probably what she's been conditioned to feel.<br><br>
Maybe ask her some questions about childbearing in her parenting years, people's attitudes and fashions, etc. and you may understand more about her cultural programming <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"></div>
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My MIL is from that era, she didn't need maternity clothes until she was 7 or 8 months pregnant. She probably only weighed (and still does) 100 lbs soaking wet and barely gained anything during her pregnancies. In those days maternity clothes were designed to hide the belly as opposed to today when they are form fitting and meant to show off your bump, so it probably took quite a bit for her to 'show' through a loose maternity top. Maybe your MIL just hasn't realized that things have changed a lot since then.
 

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Totally lurking here but I would just say something along the lines of "ok, agree to disagree" and maybe she'll lay off...
 

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Wow... I have no suggestions other then what PP have said. I've never been around my mil in early pregnancy until this one and so far the only comment I've had is her expressing her desire for me not to have a hb. Lucky for me my DH is educated and 100% on board and told her that we've researched it thoroughly and are completely comfortable with our desire to have a hb. Enough said. I foresee more comments coming my way when we visit them soon. Thank goodness they live a couple hours away.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Thanks for all the advice ladies. I read it to my husband and we had a good laugh. It helped to put things in perspective. I never realized there were generational differences in how showing a baby bump was perceived (she is almost 80). I suspect this has a lot to do with our different perspectives.<br>
Blessings.
 

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sadly, the comments continue after birth. my mom's great for this - my dad said i was looking good and getting rid of most of the baby weight. mom "except for your pot belly"<br><br>
gee, thanks mom
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>StarMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15405991"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">. You think she'd have a clue, I've been through this, have a 6 year old, clearly I've found my own way thank you very much.</div>
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You mean your child survived your "crazy" ideas<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> Thats how our family is they commented on how we should probably get a crib for this one....umm if I havent needed a crib for all these other babies why would I want (need) one now? oh and no my *boobs* are all used up either, Im pretty sure they are meant to be able to nurse more than 1 baby over a lifetime, they are not consumable<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> following another comment that we'd <i><b>have</b></i> to surely buy formula this time around
 
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