[sisteeesmama]

I have not posted on this board to much

I have a 15mos old dd and am a sahm.
I love our time together even if sometimes I don't know how to spend it, but that is another story, lol!

Anyway, I try to get outside everyday that it is nice enough and she loves being "outtah".
Today it is lovely and I invited her to come outside with me an play. I set out a blanket which I have never done before and thought I would read and she could dig and discover and stuff.
Pretty quickly she plomked down on the blanket which I thought was cute and went about reading mh book only to have a shower of dirt and leaves rain down on me from her little hand....and then again....and then again. I stopped her pretty quickly and tried as sternly as I could to say "NO". It did nothing except encourage her to do it again several times at which point I picked her up and brought her back inside.
But I feel let down. I want to be outside and I don't think I handled the whole thing very well. I know it made no impression on her, thats for sure!

WWYD?

 

[sunflowergirll]

I'd have put the book down with her and thrown leaves up in the air together. In a polite tone of voice, I'd tell her to ask me nicely.

If I had been very tired, I'd probably be annoyed that I couldn't read my book. If I had been well rested, it wouldn't have bothered me

My DD is now almost 2.5 years. If she had started doing that, I would've asked her to ask me nicely to put the book away or to wait a few minutes until I got to a good stopping place. After she had asked me nicely, then we would've thrown leaves together.

If I were really, really tired (and really didn't want to play outside) then we would've gone into the house.

 

[sisteeesmama]

After I posted it occured to me that I would get some input about stopping and throwing leaves with her.
On the one hand I appreciate the idea of being present with her and showing her that I am interested in what she wants to do. I really get that, I do.
On the other hand I don't want to set a precedent for outside time where I end up entertaining her or she doesn't know what to do with herself.

Is that terrible?

 

[Bekka]

In reality, most of the time, IME, (now 5 kids), between 1yo and 2 yo I needed to be really present with my dk's when outside. They needed me almost to shadow. I was really pleased to move into a house with a fenced back yard, deck, etc., so there is an outdoor area where my lo's can play without me monitoring every second. However, most of the time, I have to plan on being a grab away from them when they are outside.

 

[labdogs42]

I might have redirected her and maybe shown her somewhere she COULD dump leaves and dirt, other than on my head. Maybe give her a bucket or a plastic container that she could fill and dump? Or, if she did it too many times, pick her up and take her inside. Try again in a few minutes. Repeat until she figures out that dirt on mama's head = no more outside play.

 

[sisteeesmama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by labdogs42 I might have redirected her and maybe shown her somewhere she COULD dump leaves and dirt, other than on my head. Maybe give her a bucket or a plastic container that she could fill and dump? Or, if she did it too many times, pick her up and take her inside. Try again in a few minutes. Repeat until she figures out that dirt on mama's head = no more outside play.

This is what I was looking for but didn't know it

This is exactly what I will remember next time, "redirect, redirect, redirect!"

To the pp who said she had to closely watch her kids in the backyard the whole time~ I just didn't grow up like that. I mean in my head being out there with her in the yard is doing pretty good. I mean we have a fenced yard and its not very big and she is very vocal just chatting me up the whole time so I always feel like I have a good idea of what she is doing, I don't ever follow her around, that has never occured to me!

 

[lolar2]

I get what you mean, but are you sure you weren't more closely followed when you were that age? How much do you remember of being one year old? I know I have three fleeting memories, one when I was 16 months, and two more at 20 months, and after that I remember nothing until I was two; are you sure you would remember if you were more closely followed as a toddler than when you were older?

 

[kiwiva]

I'd give up thinking I could possibly read a book with a 15 mo old around.

Redirection is really all you can do at that age. I don't think you should worry about setting a precedent here. I really have yet to see that happen with things like that. I cannot even imagine successfully reading a book in the yard or anywhere else with DD at that age. But at 2.5 she often amuses herself for quite a while, really she has not turned into a clingy attention-demanding kid.

It is pretty normal for babies to want to interact with you at that age. As for the stern No response, I probably would only use that for danger or hurt things. I generally use calm matter-of-fact tone when redirecting, otherwise they can get really interested in the novel response they are getting and it also gives the message that that is a really important activity so they may keep repeating it. At 15 mos remember she is just experimenting and a lot of that stuff if we don't make a big deal, they get over it pretty quickly. I'd probably try to redirect her to where she could dump the leaves rather on me, but beyond that I wouldn't make it into a big issue.

 

[Tdunahoo]

My DS is the same age, I find that when we are outside he's happy to do his "own thing" until he notices I'm doing something other than watching him..lol. When he does stuff like that I say "lets throw dirt here (and show him) instead of on mommy" after a couple of throws he's fine OR I find something else for him to play with outside.

 

[sisteeesmama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tdunahoo My DS is the same age, I find that when we are outside he's happy to do his "own thing" until he notices I'm doing something other than watching him..lol. When he does stuff like that I say "lets throw dirt here (and show him) instead of on mommy" after a couple of throws he's fine OR I find something else for him to play with outside.

Lol, this is SO true! She loves to wander around checking things out, eating dirt(j/k), picking up leaves etc. But now that I think of it she always tries to get my attention when I am doing something other than watching her. If I am watching her she almost seemingly couldn't care less about me! SO funny!

 

[sisteeesmama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolar2 I get what you mean, but are you sure you weren't more closely followed when you were that age? How much do you remember of being one year old? I know I have three fleeting memories, one when I was 16 months, and two more at 20 months, and after that I remember nothing until I was two; are you sure you would remember if you were more closely followed as a toddler than when you were older?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure, thats just how my mom is, she is not into entertaining children and when she is with my dd she is the same. I like it, actually.

When I was little we lived in a small closely knit community and it was considered pretty safe to let your kids play outside while you did other things like washing clothes or tending the garden. I know my mom didn't spend her time following me around, she didn't even bother dressing me half the time, lol. I had friends of all different ages that lived on the block so it wasn't like I was outside alone or anything. And my dd is never outside alone, either. But I do work in the yard, hang laundry, move rocks etc. while we are out there. I have read before and it has been hit or miss.

I wasn't really asking for input on whether or not I need to be watching my child better in our backyard so much as asking how I could have better treated the situation with the dirt throwing. And I think I got a couple of good ideas! It's funny how you can know stuff, but don't remember it and then you get a great reminder of how you had planned to approach things and you feel renewed!
SO thank YOU!

 

[labdogs42]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sisteeesmama This is what I was looking for but didn't know it This is exactly what I will remember next time, "redirect, redirect, redirect!"

Yeah! I actually helped someone!! Yippee!!

:

 

[Polliwog]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sisteeesmama Yeah, I'm pretty sure, thats just how my mom is, she is not into entertaining children and when she is with my dd she is the same. I like it, actually. When I was little we lived in a small closely knit community and it was considered pretty safe to let your kids play outside while you did other things like washing clothes or tending the garden. I know my mom didn't spend her time following me around, she didn't even bother dressing me half the time, lol. I had friends of all different ages that lived on the block so it wasn't like I was outside alone or anything. And my dd is never outside alone, either. But I do work in the yard, hang laundry, move rocks etc. while we are out there. I have read before and it has been hit or miss. I wasn't really asking for input on whether or not I need to be watching my child better in our backyard so much as asking how I could have better treated the situation with the dirt throwing. And I think I got a couple of good ideas! It's funny how you can know stuff, but don't remember it and then you get a great reminder of how you had planned to approach things and you feel renewed! SO thank YOU!

But hanging laundry, moving rocks, and tending the garden are very different than sitting reading a book. The first three are active tasks that she can see. Reading silently is more abstract because, to a non-reader it looks like you aren't really doing anything. Plus, the first three are things she can help with, or not.

 

[sisteeesmama]

I'm sorry, but I don't see the difference. She can't help me move rocks and I am not participating in her activities while I'm doing that. And if she tries to follow me I have to tell her to go do something else because they are HEAVY!
And she may not read herself, but she certainly knows what reading is. We read ALL the time, so even though I'm not always reading my books to her, she knows what I'm doing.
I guess to me, I don't see a difference. And I don't really feel like as a mom it my job to only pay all of my attention to her every second of the day unless I am doing chores. I think 5-10-15 minutes of reading while she does something else is just fine, necessary even, lol! And in our house it has been done before, many times.
Anyway, like I said before, I feel good about the redirection idea. I actually tried it yesterday and it worked several times outside.

 

[EnviroBecca]

Kiwiva wrote:

Quote:

I'd give up thinking I could possibly read a book with a 15 mo old around. Redirection is really all you can do at that age. I don't think you should worry about setting a precedent here.

I agree redirection is the appropriate response, but the goal is to be able to read your book eventually, not to give up reading entirely. It may be that at this particular moment, your child does need your attention, but don't jump to that conclusion; redirect her to pouring the dirt somewhere else and amusing herself. I think it IS worth worrying about setting a precedent that Mama cannot read in her child's presence. My cousin set this precedent when her daughter was about this age; she thought it was cute how her daughter said, "Mama, book DOWN!" and she'd put it down and go play with her; she said, "Oh, she'll only be little for such a short time!" Well, now it's THIRTEEN YEARS later, and although she does have younger children the youngest is 7, and she has not read a whole book for her own pleasure in all this time! She only flips through magazines, and her kids feel free to interrupt her because they know that Mom's reading is not important in the slightest.

It's important to explain rather than just saying no. A 15-month-old understands more than she can say. "No dirt on me. Pour the dirt in the bucket." "No thanks, I don't want to play with dirt. I am reading."

 

[sisteeesmama]

Thank you, I think this is what I was trying to say but maybe did a poor job of.