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I want to do it. I'll admit, I'm not perfect. Sometimes I swat my DS on the bottom. Sometimes I raise my voice. Sometimes I lose my temper with him and send him to bed or take away his priveleges.<br>
I'd rather not discipline like this. I'd rather have my home be a happy place. I'd rather he wasn't afraid of me when he does something wrong.<br>
Where do I begin?<br><br>
Ashe, mom to Kolaiah 09/09/03 and Gabriel 04/21/99
 

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You've already begun. By deciding what you want for your son, and putting his long term emotional stability at the forefront. Now, just start learning more "tricks" to replace the behavior in yourself you don't want to continue. This board is great for specific situations. Ask us girls, we're full of advice<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br>
Try to think ahead of the situations that really get you, then figure out how you want to act. If you're prepared before it escalates, it is sooo much easier to follow through the way you want to, instead of just running on autopilot and regretting it after you calm down.
 

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You've taken the first step, which is to want to change your discipline style. I suggest reading some good books that give basic, usable strategies as your next step. Something like How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk is a great start. For me, identifying my triggers has been important. I have to really pay attention to what pushes my buttons and then consciously talk myself back from the edge when I'm about to start yelling or acting inappropriately.<br>
My 4-yr-old is probably my biggest supporter. I talk to her about everything, explaining and apologizing when I overreact or even telling her when I'm feeling a bit short tempered. I encourage her to do the same with me because I want her to know it's ok to feel negative feelings--even being angry at mommy--but that there are better ways of handling those feelings than screaming and hitting. I've promised her that I will never hit her and that she never has to fear being physically punished by me. She remembers what she hears. Just last week I was having a *really* bad day and I blew up in general (not at her, at the phone and my computer actually). I apologized to her for having a temper tantrum and she said, "Mom, you really shouldn't act like that because you have to act like the Mommy."<br>
There's nothing better than a reality check from a 4-yr-old!
 
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