[mishaj]

BF meaning best friend- not boyfriend, btw!

Hi Mamas,

If you read my 1st post here, you know that I've been really sick and in the hospital with viral gastroenteritis, and it has taken me 7 weeks to recover- during this time we thought we would lose the baby so we didn't tell friends, just close family.

My best friend is on the west coast and dealing with a lot right now- so I have not burderned her with my issues. Well- I called her last week to tell her our news and she answers my call with- 'Can you believe it- our friends x, y and z are all preggers!' If I was brave I would have said 'Well, you can add me to that list!!' but she was clearly upset (she doesn't have kids but has always wanted them) and went off about how she would never have them and all the evils of pregnancy and childrearing.

After this- I could not bring myself to tell her.

So how do I now?

Thanks for your words of wisdom,

Mj

 

[slgt]

MJ, if your BF is really your best friend, she will find it in her heart to be happy for you no matter her own struggles. It may feel bittersweet to her, but that's her.

I would say, share the news with her when she seems to be in a good mood. If the conversation goes there, let her know that you understand her frustrations, and that you are supportive of her, but that you also need her to be happy for you. If you speak from the heart and share your own excitement, but share it with kindness, gentleness, and understanding - then you have done what you can do. She may need some time, but best friends usually come around!

 

[jeannineb]

Ouch, tough situation. Firstly, glad you are doing better and congrats on your pregnancy!

As for your BF, maybe an e-mail? I realize that it sounds like a cop-out in a way, but I think it will accomplish a few things. It will give your friend the news and allow her to compose herself and be kind to you. She would probably be horrified to know that you were about to tell her your great news while she was venting and dumping all over your pregnant friends. She would probably like a chance for a do-over, you know? It will give you a chance to tell her all you have been going through and explain your reason for the e-mail (rather than a phone call) while your thoughts are collected and you aren't afraid of offending her or being offended. You are obviously sympathetic to her situation and don't seem like you are angry with her, so give her a chance to be excited for you without the embarassment of the context of your last conversation. That is a little rambly, does that make sense?

HTH!

 

[Lizzardbits]

I had a kinda sorta similar conversation with my bestie. I was telling her last summer that I was getting my IUD taken out so that this fall DH & I could TTC a summer baby. She's a straight shooter, & her immediate response was, "Eww!" then quickly backtracked & said something like "eww for me, not for you, I'm happy that I'm fixed.".....too late, damage done, feelings hurt, joy crushed, & thus sparked off the very first time I was truely pi$$ed off at her in 17 years. UGH! I didn't talk to her for nearly a month, very bad since I talk to her 3-4xs a week.

When I found out I was pregnant, I waited to share until I was "cornered". She called me whilst I was in the hospital getting fluids because of my allday sickness, & asked "OMG, why are you there?!" I fessed up why & I was nearly 11wks along. A quiet, oh, was all she said but it was understood why I hadn't told.

We've come to a silent understanding that she's not enthused, & I don't talk about my pregnancy unless she asks(rare).

Such an odd situation!

 

[*KaiMom*]

Email? I shy away from tricky situations and resort to the cowardly approach. LOL Something short and sweet like, "I was calling to announce my pregnancy but it didn't seem like the right time. We are due XXX and I can't wait to introduce the new little one to my bf" To the point and upbeat doesn't need to go into any sticky detail about previous mentioned feelings.

 

[chattyprincess]

I was in a similarish boat with a bf. We have girls a week apart in age and spent our pregnancy together, they have been ttc unsuccessfully for 2.5 years now. We told them we were going to start ttc this fall and have talked about it alot (I am pretty young and had no probs the first time with my surprise, so I wasn't expecting any probs this time.) and sure enough we got preggers our first try. It was really hard to tell her and I could tell she put on a fake voice for me but at least it was over and done with, kwim? That was when I was 5weeks so she had time to get over it and deal with her saddness that we will not have babies the same time again. It was hard for her I am sure but she has never once acted anything less then happy...and I appreciated it! lol. I would say just do it and try to let her go shortly after so she can quietly deal with any emotions and then call her in a week or so and just act like normal.

 

[mishaj]

Thank you mamas for all the good advice and sympathy!

It is so funny, this *should* be easy, this *should* be joyous, but pregnancy is such an emotional topic - and depending on where my friends are in their own life they have all reacted do differently.

I like the e-mail approach- it gives her time to compose herself and process it before responding. I know she will be really happy for me, she is clearly dealing with her own feelings about not being a mom yet.

Thanks again!!!

Mj

 

[2sweetboysmom]

Just another thought...It took me nearly 5 years of infertility treatments before I conceived my first son. I have since had problem carrying to term. I have been really hurt when friends did not tell me up front, but waited for me to get it from another friend. And I have REALLY appreciated those who came to me (phone, e-mail, or in person) early in the process of "telling" to let me know. While I was truely happy for all of them it would sometimes take me a few days to get the other flood of emotions under control. I appreciated not being caught off guard in a larger social setting.

 

[craft_media_hero]

I would wait a while. Is there any way you can see her in person?

I have some besties that are hearing it well after people that I'm less close to because I a. want to tell them in person b. know that they will be jealous c. just haven't figured it out yet.

It can be a delicate matter. Hope you figure out something brilliant. Maybe you could call her like a confidant and be like, I think I'm pregnant, I'm gonna pee on a stick while you're on the phone with me? I don't know I guess that's silly since you're further along than that.