[128375]

so we got pg on the first try and i have a few friends and family who have been ttc'ing for close to and in some cases over 1 yr. I personally know their struggles and how they feel when others get pg.. its kinda bitter sweet with a tinge of natural jealousy.

i totally empathize with them.. but now i am going to be one of those that cause them that hurt... what to do? how to say it? and when should i tell them? what if they ask how long we were trying.. how do i not make it kinda flippant like.. just once... kwim?

i am six weeks ane we dont plan to tell anyone until ten weeks.. but in my fam news travels in seconds not days so I dont know whether I want them to kinda hear it thru the grapevine vs being told personally.

any suggestions?

 

[ticklemegreen]

*bump*

No advice here. I've been wondering the same thing. My SIL and her husband have been ttc for nearly 3 years and they experienced one miscarriage, I'm almost dreading telling them

 

[MyLittleWarrior]

For me, I think it would depend on how close of a friend/family member they were. If it were a sister or a close friend that you see and talk to often and confide in, I would tell them just as you would if they weren't ttc and having trouble. If it was a distant cousin or acquaintance I may let them find out through the grape vine, or wait and tell them the next time you see them. If they ask how long you were trying for (which is a very personal question, and if they're going to ask they should be ready to handle the answer) I would just be matter of fact without gushing, and maybe just say that you feel very lucky/blessed to have gotten pregnant quickly.

 

[ekblad9]

That *is* tough. I just went through a miscarriage and three of my close friends had a miscarriage at or around the same time. They all desire to be pregnant again but I am the only one that is so far. I was nervous to tell them but they seemed geniunely happy for me. I have two other close friends that were pregnant at the same time I was (for my miscarriage) and their pregnancies are progressing well. They are due on or close to what my due date was. While I ached for myself I was very happy for them both (and continue to be). I hope you get loving responses to this joyous news!!

:

 

[MaybeGracie]

I have a friend who has been TTC for nearly 10 years now. It was very hard to tell her we were pregnant with #2, even though we had tried for a year before getting pregnant. That year of trying gave me even more empathy for her than I'd already had - it really is, as you said, bittersweet. I tried to break the news gently.

Do you know what she told me, though? That she was thrilled for me, that I shouldn't feel guilty for this, that she didn't want to take anyone's joy away from them, and that she deserved to celebrate along with us. And here I had been withholding the news, thinking I was sparing her feelings - but in reality I was preventing her from celebrating this joyous occasion with us. It is bittersweet, but let them celebrate with you.

As for whether to let them hear through the grapevine or directly from you, I would definitely tell them yourself if it's someone your close to. If it's someone you wouldn't really talk with either way, then I'd just let the news reach them as it may.

 

[Carlin]

I'm ddc crashing here, but as we tried for 13 months I can sort of relate to your friends.

Just the fact that you are worried about it means you will be sensitive to their feelings, I'm sure, so you probably don't have anything to worry about. I think it would be nice to tell them (in person or over the phone) when they don't have a whole lot of people around, so if they are upset they don't have to act like everything is fine in front of a group. I think they'd rather hear directly from you then from a stranger too, so I think it would be good to tell them sooner rather than later. Give them some time and realize that they can be sad for themselves and still be happy for you.

If they ask how long it took, tell the truth but make it clear that you know how lucky you are just like you did in your original post.

Oh and congratulations on your pregnancy!

:

 

[mama2myloves]

My DH and I had been trying for 15 months, with a miscarriage.

During those months, my sister and my best friend both found out they were pregnant and I know telling me was rough on both of them. However, I think they both handled it great - they both told me in person, acknowledged my pain, and respected my need for a little time to process the news. I was so happy for them, and I felt so loved because of the care they took in telling me.

Good luck and congrats!

 

[Julia'sMom]

As one who suffers from infertility (2 yrs to conceive dd#1, 2 years+ for #2), I appreciate your sensitivity. I concur that it's easiest to hear the news from you. However, I would recommend telling them either via email or on the phone. They may be hit with some immediate emotional responses that they don't really want to express (such as envy, sadness, etc.) This allows them privacy to deal with it and allows them to come to you with congratulations and hugs when they are ready. I have commonly bawled for a while upon hearing the news, but then would come to terms and be able to rejoice with the expectant mother.

I would also note that these are NOT the people to complain to about the pregnancy aches and pains. They would love to be suffering from them.

 

[Mama_2_Boy]

A couple that we are close with have been trying for 8 years. On top of that she was told that she is not a good candidate for fertility treatment so that was a real disappointment to them. I think I'm going to tell him, as I knew and have been friends with him long before her. I'm going to ask that he be the one to share the news with her. They did not know we were even considering having a second child and I honestly hope he doesn't get into the logistics of it. If he did, I think I would feel better lying and saying "i've been trying for 1 year and it just happened" rather than the truth that we conceived first try.

 

[InstinctiveMom]

I jut wanted to add my thought that you're awesome for considering their feelings

((hugs))