[CurlyTop]

Here's the sitch: My pre-verbal toddlers, who happen to be twins and on the same developmental timetable, push each other down and generally don't seem to recognize that their sister is a *person* who needs some consideration. Whew! I know that no 16 month old could possibly know that! So, with the definition of discipline as "teaching", how can I let one know that it's not ok to yank the other off of a stool by the back of her onesie just so the first can stand on the stool?

They have both learned "gentle" when related to the cats (instead of pulling tails, they pet nicely for the most part). Saying "careful" and showing them how to ease each other off of stools (for example) isn't quite right either.

Advice? I'd really *really* like to know how you'd handle this.

Yours,
CurlyTop

 

[Liz]

At this age, gentle discipline is just laying ground work for later, unfortunately. All you can do is physically prevent them from hurting each other and redirect. Explain why it's not a good thing to do briefly "Your sister will fall and get hurt" then explain what she can do like wait her turn (it's worth a shot!) or get another stool. Or maybe nobody should be up on stools? I tried to eliminate all possible no nos so I wasn't having to always take things away. Maybe with two you have to clear the decks even more? I'm exhausted just thinking about two pre-verbal toddlers. Maybe a twinmommy can give you a better answer.

Good luck!

Liz

 

[Embee]

I think I would handle this the same as any interaction, be it an animal, another child or an adult...

If one child is sitting on the stool, then it's her/his to sit on until he/she decides to get down. If one child comes along and yanks or shoves or whatever the method of gaining access, I would stop the child gently, but firmly and tell them that "ohnny is using the stool right now, but you may sit on this stool, chair, etc. When Johnny is done with stool, you can choose to sit there if you like. When we yank/push/shove, it can really hurt someone." repeat. repeat. repeat. repeat. As many times as necessary... months, years...

I learned early on that even though my DS wasn't talking, he understood most of what I said. If I kept the explanations constant, consistent and simple, he sooned learned exactly what I meant. Of course, asking them to use words would be premature at this point, but later on, as they do become verbal, they can learn (with MANY repetitions as well) to ask for a turn on the chair.

Best of luck!

 

[Embee]

Coming back to the thread, I wanted to mention that Liz hit on a really good point about "clearing the decks" so to speak. When we have playgroups and such and many toddlers are toddling and grabbing, there seem to be certain "hot-ticket" items that cause more toddler struggles. For example, in our case it was a jack in the box... it was just "the" toy and it caused many shove and push matches. We solved it at this age by just making sure it was up and out of the way. Now (at 21/2) we are learning to take turns on such items-not always easy, but necessary I think... like Liz said, early toddlerhood, is laying the groundwork. In short, repetition, repetition... ad naseum!

Again, good luck!

 

[Piglet68]

It's tough with pre-verbal toddlers. I can't imagine dealing with two at once! I just wanted to reiterate what others are saying. Think of it as "training" them for later. You really do have to get in there and physically stop them, redirect them, show them what you expect them to do, or how you expect them to behave/react at a given "command" from you (like "don't yank on your sister's shirt!"). It's true that they really do understand alot more than they can speak, so you ARE doing something productive by speaking to them, you just need to follow it up with the physical action so they put two and two together (and also learn that you will be insistent and consistent).

 

[CurlyTop]

I appreciate your posts, and respect the time it took to reply (busy moms that we are!)

I tried the same approach as with our cats (even though I didn't think it would work) and it worked! One DD was starting to shove the other, and I said, "Be gentle with your sister." and she petted her in the same spot where she was about to shove her! She understood.

You are all soooo right they understand lots although they say little. Now I have to get consistent and patient with repeating the same instruction over and over, and gently, gently. I can do it!

Thanks again,
CurlyTop

 

[Embee]

Good show CurlyTop. Indeed, they do understand so much more than you realize sometimes. I remember having to keep that in mind all the time before DS was verbal. I would find myself at a loss for what to do and just start explaining something out of my own frustration and low and behold, he'd understand and was usually ammenable to working with me. I was like, hm, guess we'll just remember that for next time!