[forestmama]

My close friend is pregnant with her second child. I was not close to her when she had her first child and thus was not around to lend any advice at that time. She had attempted to bf with her first but had little to no support and instead of the doctors giving her proper advice they told her that her nips were to big

and to ff. This time around she has a good support group but still is on the fence about bf this one. Her younger sister bf her baby, there is me (currently bf #3), and another close friend that has bf 2 children. We all have encouraged her to give it a go again, and offered any help she may want/need.
So yesterday I was talking to her on the phone when we got on the topic of bf, I asked if she was still considering it for this one. She said yes, but that she was only going to try it in the hospital and if she and her baby dont have the hang of it by the time they come home she is going to ff.

I told her that I really didnt think that how her baby was nursing after just a couple of days would be very indicative of how it would go in the long run. Told her that my new baby is almost 6 weeks old and we have just finally gotten in a comfortable groove with bf and this is my 3rd time to bf. I went on to say that if she wanted I could help her out in the first few weeks with it (there is NO WAY she would let a stranger see her breast exposed while trying to get the hang of latch on), she said basically thanks, but no thanks that she wasnt going to go through all the stress of trying to get into it the first few weeks and if her baby and her didnt take to it right away she was going to ff.
I really dont know what to do, she really is a REALLY good mom, she takes exelent care of her older son and is very sweet and gentle. What would you say? Keep in mind she is a very close friend and thus I would not want to say anything mean or hurtful to her, besides if I was snippy about it I think it would have an opposite affect as I want. Thanks.
Sasha

 

[Corriander]

It sounds like she really took that doctor's advice to heart and is now convinced that she can't do it. Maybe if she went to a lactation consultant before the birth, who could give her some good advice, not just a 'no'. Then she might feel more confident. One negative comment, from a doctor or family member can take a long time to get over.

 

[CarrieMF]

Tell her to call you as soon as she has the baby(or better once she's in labour and on her way to the hospital) and that you will come and help her in the hospital. If she relys on the nurses to help(if she asks them) then she'll probably end up quitting before she really starts.

As for large nipples, I can understand a dr saying that(but not the going to ff because of it). I know a few people who's nipples are larger and it is harder for a baby with a small mouth to latch on properly. Usually if you can make a breast sandwich(while holding the breast compress it a bit and pull back) it will make the nipple longer and not as big making it easier for a baby to latch on.

 

[forestmama]

can you explain the "breast sandwich" thing in more detail? I am having a hard time getting a mental picture of it, but it does sound like it might work if she has the same problem again. Also my friend has very small breast, will this affect her ability to try this method?
I agree that for all the support she is getting now it probably is still being overshadowed in her mind by what the doctors told her all those years ago. I wonder if the doctors that tell women these things even realize the long term damage they are doing?
As far as going to the hospital as soon as the baby is born, I dont think it would be possible for me to, the hospital she is having the baby at (I HATE the hospital she is going to) will not allow children visitors unless they are siblings and even then it is frowned on. The hospital wont even let the dad stay over night. But that is an idea for something maybe her sister could do (she can get a sitter way easier and faster than me) I will have to talk to her about it.
Thank you to all
Sasha

 

[ShadowMom]

To be honest it sounds like she just doesn't want help and is not that determined to breastfeed. If a mom is determined, they can overcome (almost) any obstacle and breastfeed to some degree. If it's just not that important, then any roadblocks and they don't want to continue.

Also, I've noticed a weird thing where moms really want to bf their first child; they end up ff for whatever reason (poor support, bad info, etc); with their second, they see that their first child turned out "just fine" and seem less motivated to bf. I'm not sure why that is, it's just something I've observed.

It sounds like she may just not be that motivated to bf, and if that's the case I'm not sure there's a lot you can do.