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so i woke up this morning with a stomach bug-yippee!! dd also was complaining of a stomachache (which was bogus, but anyway), so i let her stay home from school, just in case. i called dh around 9am to tell him and basically his only concern was whether or not he would get it next. not "do you need anything?" "do you want/need me to come home?" nope. just left me hanging here with my two lo's. ok fine, whatever.<br>
my mom went to the store for me to get me juice and ginger ale and i basically spent the morning watching my kids play/letting them be couch potatoes and watch loads of tv. dh calls later in the day, (after not speaking since 9am) around 3ish and doesn't ask how i'm doing but asks how the kids are. when he gets home at 4:20, he walks in kisses the kids and says "i need to use the bathroom" (a typical welcome). i was like a limp noodle on the couch. he didn't ask me how i was feeling, if i was ok or if i needed anything. just took care of himself. after the bathroom) sorry for the blow-by-blow, i'm just irate and sick right now). he sits on the couch, where the kids are now climbing on me, reads a magazine and dozes off. i couldn't believe he fell asleep!! i feel like he should have taken the kids to one of their rooms to play or something so i could rest. maybe i should have asked him, but they weren't really bothering me, i just think that is the kind thing to do after your spouse has been home sick all day with two children to take care of. when he woke up (after i told dd to jump on him, haha) i asked him to go play with them bc at this point they were antagonizing each other, and he says "oh, i have to make dinner now", like all snotty like i should be making dinner.<br>
i really just can't. i mean, is it wrong for me to expect a little tlc or normal human compassion from my husband when i am sick?<br>
there is more to this story in regards to our relationship that i am unhappy about, but this just takes the cake.<br>
anyway, thanks for listening to me rant.
 

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That stinks. My tolerance for anything is greatly reduced when I'm sick, so I imagine it felt really hurtful to have your DH ignore you. Here are some good vibes to make you feel better <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/goodvibes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Goodvibes"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/goodvibes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Goodvibes"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/goodvibes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Goodvibes"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/goodvibes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Goodvibes">
 

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my dh is not at all helpful when i am sick. im so sorry mama. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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When I first started reading your post, I was like, "Well, you have to ask for these things..." and while I still think that's true, I also think that it sucks that he didn't even seem to care how you were doing. That's really mean, and bad partner behavior.<br><br>
But as far as him not offering to come home or watch the kids while *you* got some much-needed rest, those are things that should be asked for. I'm not very intuitive when it comes to stuff my partner needs all of the time, and it really annoys me and feel very unfair when he gets in a huff because I didn't deduce x, y, and z. It's not *my* fault for not knowing what he needed. Easier to just ask.<br><br>
But I totally get where you're coming from. It's nice to have your partner offer to do those things... but more importantly, it's nice to have your partner *care* that you're sick, and you didn't get that. That sucks. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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Be sure to take off for the day if he gets the bug. I am serious. Show him exactly what it feels like to be treated persona non grata.
 

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I have given up on the sentiment "you should know what I need and give it to me without asking."<br><br>
If I want my DH to do something, I ask him. It's pathetic that one has to ask a spouse to watch the kids while one is sick...however, I have just accepted it.<br><br>
I hope you're feeling better soon!!
 

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I would wait until you are better and not hotly angry about it -- and then I would talk to him calmly about it. Any other way and he will probably get defensive and not hear you. And he needs to hear you. It's really pretty basic to care for someone when they are not well. He needs to wake up.<br><br>
My husband may not have a sense of what needs to be done for me when I am sick, like he will leave me for hours on end upstairs w/o checking on me ... but he does know that I need to rest. He has gotten better about offering to bring up tea, etc. And, when he can, he takes care of the kids w/o complaining. I really appreciate it ...<br><br><br>
Liz
 

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I just think things need to be spelled out.<br><br>
If you were lying on the couch when he arrived home he probably thought you WERE resting. Yes, I know. YOu probably were getting as much rest as any mom would with two children at home, however I bet your DH actually thinks you did get rest at home on this day.<br><br>
And if my DH worked all day, dozed off in the chair for a short time and then woke up to having to make dinner for the family, he may huff and puff a little too. Maybe not, but I would definetely let him know upon his arrival home that I did not feel well enough cook and that I needed to rest without being pestered or jumped on by the children.<br><br>
YOur DH sounds tired and not able to give YOU what you need. Let alone read your mind to. IF you need some TLC, tell him that.
 

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Honestly, I would have just asked for what I wanted. If I wanted coddling and a call at noon, I would have asked for that. Probably I would have asked him to make dinner arrangements with the first call or if I had a good relationship with my mom and she lived nearby, if she was already running errands I might see if she had time to bring over a storebought or freezer meal too.<br><br>
I too have given up on the "my partner should know what I want and do it automatically". Yes, that would be nice, but IME the more you wait around for it to happen all that happens is that you get more and more pissed and upset while your partner goes on his merry way until you dump on him and then he's whiny and pissed too after that.<br><br>
I've found that it simply works better if I just give him the list as early as possible for what I want when I want it.<br><br>
Believe it or not, I actually end up HAPPIER and less pissed when I do that. The first few time I did pout (like my lip hitting the floor big pout) that zOMG HE SHOULD KNOW TO DO THIS ANYWAY!!! But I got over it. Truth be told I'd rather just have certain things done so I can rest, forget who gets to makr what on the scorecard.<br><br>
It beats waiting around for something that isn't going to come unless you ask for it, and then have to deal with the hormonal and emotional fallout of that.
 

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That's really awful. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Maybe he doesn't realize what he is doing. Have you talked to him about it?
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>dfunk98</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15400597"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">so i woke up this morning with a stomach bug-yippee!! dd also was complaining of a stomachache (which was bogus, but anyway), so i let her stay home from school, just in case. i called dh around 9am to tell him and basically his only concern was whether or not he would get it next. not "do you need anything?" "do you want/need me to come home?" nope. just left me hanging here with my two lo's. ok fine, whatever.<br>
my mom went to the store for me to get me juice and ginger ale and i basically spent the morning watching my kids play/letting them be couch potatoes and watch loads of tv. dh calls later in the day, (after not speaking since 9am) around 3ish and doesn't ask how i'm doing but asks how the kids are. when he gets home at 4:20, he walks in kisses the kids and says "i need to use the bathroom" (a typical welcome). i was like a limp noodle on the couch. he didn't ask me how i was feeling, if i was ok or if i needed anything. just took care of himself. after the bathroom) sorry for the blow-by-blow, i'm just irate and sick right now). he sits on the couch, where the kids are now climbing on me, reads a magazine and dozes off. i couldn't believe he fell asleep!! i feel like he should have taken the kids to one of their rooms to play or something so i could rest. maybe i should have asked him, but they weren't really bothering me, i just think that is the kind thing to do after your spouse has been home sick all day with two children to take care of. when he woke up (after i told dd to jump on him, haha) i asked him to go play with them bc at this point they were antagonizing each other, and he says "oh, i have to make dinner now", like all snotty like i should be making dinner.<br>
i really just can't. i mean, is it wrong for me to expect a little tlc or normal human compassion from my husband when i am sick?<br>
there is more to this story in regards to our relationship that i am unhappy about, but this just takes the cake.<br>
anyway, thanks for listening to me rant.</div>
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My dh does the same damn thing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><br><br>
I am never allowed to be sick or even to stay in bed because I need a down day....I get the "look". An eye roll, ignored or general indifference. "Why isn't the house clean" or the laundry done?" "Are you ever planning on getting out of bed?" UGH!<br><br>
If he is sick it's all about him.."go to the store for me", "get this that or the other thing for me" ..."where's my medicine?"<br><br>
I want to pee on him.<br><br>
Just talking about it makes me mad. Now I'm glad he is gone away on a business trip. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momo7</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15406401"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
I want to pee on him.</div>
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OMG this cracked me up!!
 

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Discussion Starter #13
thanks momo7, that really helped!!<br><br>
the thing is this isn't the first time he's behaved like this wen i'm sick and really, does it need to be spelled out every time? i guess that answer is sadly 'no'.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>dfunk98</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15406714"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">thanks momo7, that really helped!!<br><br>
the thing is this isn't the first time he's behaved like this wen i'm sick and really, does it need to be spelled out every time? i guess that answer is sadly 'no'.</div>
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No. It doesn't have to be spelled out. You are laying on the couch and you look and feel like crap. It's obvious. I don't know why they have to act so oblivious.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momo7</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15406401"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I want to pee on him.<br></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"><br><br>
I do understand being upset about it, but it does sound like he needs specific instructions. My dh is usually really great about helping around the house, but sometimes when I'm sick, I need extra support. We've argued about it over and over again, so I've learned to say:<br>
"honey, I need you to do the dishes."<br>
"please put the laundry on and get the kids clothes ready for tomorrow."<br><br>
etc. It seems to work better when I give him specific things I need done, instead of saying I need help.
 

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My dh is kind of middle-of-the-road when it comes to me being sick. Yes, he will take care of the kids downstairs while I rest upstairs, BUT he will not ever come up to check on me or ask me how I'm doing, and he will pout and "woe me" about all the "extra" work he has to do and just be super grumpy all day. I think that kind of behaviour is just so lame.<br><br>
And I get what all the pps are saying about you just have to spell it out for him, but MAN how the heck is it not just common sense to take care of someone (or at least take over the household duties from someone) who is sick?!? I mean honestly, doesn't he have at least some responsibility for pulling his own head out of his @$$?<br><br>
Ok, now I'm feeling ready to pee on someone too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pianojazzgirl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15407965"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My dh is kind of middle-of-the-road when it comes to me being sick. Yes, he will take care of the kids downstairs while I rest upstairs, BUT he will not ever come up to check on me or ask me how I'm doing, and he will pout and "woe me" about all the "extra" work he has to do and just be super grumpy all day. I think that kind of behaviour is just so lame.<br><br>
And I get what all the pps are saying about you just have to spell it out for him, but MAN how the heck is it not just common sense to take care of someone (or at least take over the household duties from someone) who is sick?!? I mean honestly, doesn't he have at least some responsibility for pulling his own head out of his @$$?<br><br>
Ok, now I'm feeling ready to pee on someone too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pianojazzgirl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15407965"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My dh is kind of middle-of-the-road when it comes to me being sick. Yes, he will take care of the kids downstairs while I rest upstairs, BUT he will not ever come up to check on me or ask me how I'm doing, and he will pout and "woe me" about all the "extra" work he has to do and just be super grumpy all day. I think that kind of behaviour is just so lame.<br><br>
And I get what all the pps are saying about you just have to spell it out for him, but MAN how the heck is it not just common sense to take care of someone (or at least take over the household duties from someone) who is sick?!? I mean honestly, doesn't he have at least some responsibility for pulling his own head out of his @$$?<br><br>
Ok, now I'm feeling ready to pee on someone too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao">
 

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I get SO angry over things like this! What on Earth is WRONG with some guys?<br><br>
WHY would they get upset and whine about "extra work" when their wife is SICK???? The way I read these posts, one would think that you gals are leaving the man for days at a time and galvanting on some vacation.<br><br>
For cripes sake, if they don't want to be a true partner, then why marry? Why have kids?<br><br>
I am sorry to sound so harsh, but I will NEVER understand the mindset of guys that like.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>TinkerBelle</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15409880"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I get SO angry over things like this! What on Earth is WRONG with some guys?<br><br>
WHY would they get upset and whine about "extra work" when their wife is SICK???? The way I read these posts, one would think that you gals are leaving the man for days at a time and galvanting on some vacation.<br><br>
For cripes sake, if they don't want to be a true partner, then why marry? Why have kids?<br><br>
I am sorry to sound so harsh, but I will NEVER understand the mindset of guys that like.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that"> and I'll never think there is a viable excuse for their behavior, either.
 
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