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How would you handle this?

744 Views 9 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  MyFillingQuiver
So I've chosen a homebirth. I had a VBA2C last year with a very supportive OB/hospital about 50 minutes from me. He's pretty much the only OB around who will "allow" it, let alone support it. Ladies drive from hours away to have a hospital VBAC. I LOVED it, and it was great. I chose a homebirth because I believe I CAN do it, I understand the risks, and I want to be home with my other five children...plain and simple.

So, my midwife is wonderful, and she told me to ask for my records because then I am good on bloodwork and all. So, I wrote the OB a nice letter requesting my records, thanking him for being so supportive, and telling him if I ever decide or need to have an OB he's my go-to guy. Case closed and I was waiting for my records.

The other day he called. His message said, "I'll gladly do as you asked, but I can't do it in good conscience without discussing this with you first."

This shook me up so bad-that he would call, that I seriously considered NOT having my homebirth! (I'm definitely not the strongest in this area). I discussed it with my midwife, and she said it was illegal, and helped me feel confident again, without pretending risks don't exist. She has always told me she'd be my doula in the hospital if that was my choice, but emphasized she didn't believe it was necessary to be there...

So, I just want to know what to say and how to handle this. I've read all the research and in light of some new and REAL information, this is my choice and it stands. I do want to maintain a relationship which was always good-for obvious reasons.

Any advice/pointers or stories from experienced mama's, I truly respect and appreciate. I know how dumb this sounds, but I have a history of allowing paternalism to guide me into bad's a big one this time as I'm NOT doing that anymore!

Thanks for reading!
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Did your MW say that a VBAC hb was illegal, or the ob calling you? That was just a bit unclear to me. I have a friend to vbac'd at home, and she was glad she did.
Sounds like the MW said that withholding records is illegal..

Honestly, I do not know what I'd do! File a complaint?
Demeand my records be sent. I would not engae in any worse case scenearios with the man.
You will have a contigency plan if you need to transfer so TOO bad if you are firing him.
All you have to do is send or fax a note that simply requests that your records be sent to the new midwife with her name and address. You don't want to make it another personal letter or note that opens the door for discussion. Once you request the transcripts he has thirty days to send them, otherwise he is violating the law and he is aware of that. Just send the transcript request to the office, do not specify it to him. You might be able to find a form on the internet or call the office and ask if they have a form that they specifically use. They probably have one they can fax or mail to you. I would not open the door to conflict or discussion. Honestly, he will probably forget about it. It would be unprofessional and highly unlikely for him to approach you again about it.
You could go two ways...

Just fax or mail the release again simply saying "There are legally no preconditions to releasing records written into the law, this is my second request, please send the records immediately. Thank you."


"Thank you again for your wonderful care and for your caring concern doctor. Being an intelligent woman having read the research regarding vbac I feel I am making the best decision for me for numerous reasons, although it may personally be a different decision then you might make if you were a vbacing woman. Thanks for your time and sending along my records. If I have any further questions I will contact you. All the best in your wonderful work! Sincerely,..."

??? Just some ideas... good luck and try to center yourself on your very own intuition, not what others around you say.

In life we all make different decisions in different scenarios...If you wanted to sky dive the more power too you, it is socially acceptable, statistically safe and cool, but hell if I would...but I would never judge someone...I would just need to be paid a couple of mill and wear diapers before jumping.
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Sorry I was unclear..yes, the OB withholding the records on preconditions is illegal.

I very much appreciate the help, ladies! I will call the OB office on Monday morning, and just remind them I'm waiting on my records, and to send them. I will probably let them know that the OB doesn't need to call me again, and I will call with any questions.

I don't want to talk to the OB about this-we already did that last pregnancy. This time I have the same information, likely more, the support of my husband, knowledge and care of a midwife and the strength from my previous VBA2C to see me through a healthy homebirth.

I love the sky diving reference! I feel the very same way!

Thanks, as always, for the positivity here. You ladies are instrumental in me finding enough strength among all the doom and gloom, to have had my first VBA2C. I am grateful for all of the experienced homebirth and VBAC mom's here who PROVE that it's a well researched and intuitive, healthy choice!
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I would do exactly what you've just said. I would tell the receptionist that I received his message, and to please relay that you have no interest in discussing the matter and that it is a HIPAA violation for him to withhold your records on such a condition. You might ask the receptionist for the name of the office's HIPAA Compliance Officer so you know who to make your complaint to if he does not comply with your request. Use those big official words and you'll get your records.

Originally Posted by MyFillingQuiver View Post
..telling him if I ever decide or need to have an OB he's my go-to guy..

The other day he called. His message said, "I'll gladly do as you asked, but I can't do it in good conscience without discussing this with you first."
Is it possible that he just meant that he'd be happy to be your back-up, but only if he had a chance to talk with you first?

Can you contact him by e-mail or something, so you can take time to formulate your responses?
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I suppose it is possible that he had something positive to say. However, based on my previous homebirth discussions with him, and what my midwife relayed about his trying to talk mom's out of it..I doubt it.

In my letter, I truly tried to have him understand that I REALLY appreciate him and his totally supportive ways. I know he doesn't back up the midwives, and my midwife has a great relationship with him, but reminds me he is still an OB, and still believes as he's told me and other VBAC mama's, "Your babies life is in my hands at the hospital, and that's the safest place to be."

I don't know if it's true compassion and fear for our safety that predicated his call, or if it's an ego...that only he should be in control of a labor that could go wrong...either way, I know my heart on the matter is still too soft. If I talk with him, and he gets my tears flowing, I just might feel too worried about not having "his expertise to take care of my baby." I HATE that I know that about myself, but it's true. I grew up around only mainstream hospital, epidural, vax'ing people, and I've allowed myself to be managed medically in the past, to the point of nearly losing my life with misdiagnosis. I found my voice and my strength, but it's still bruised..make sense?

So, I will not speak with him about this. I can't let him color my choices. The fact is, the stats speak for themselves, as does my body. Even if he is all "fatherly and caring", it doesn't change the fact that it is healthier for me and my babe to be in our home.

Thanks so much ladies. I truly value your thoughts on these things!
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