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A little back ground info. My Dh and I have been together for two years and we have a one year old DD. Our relationship is good, we are happy together, we are in love, we are monogomas (sp?). He is a good father and husband.<br><br>
As a child he was sexually abused. I think that his sexuality was affects the most by his abuse. He has delt with it well though. He is mentally healthy and well adjusted. His job is in law enforcement where he deals with sex offenders. I think part of healing for him is knowing that he is saving kids from going through the same thing he went through as a kid.<br><br>
He looks at porn which doesn't bother me, I look at it too. The other day I was looking at the pictures he has on our computer and I saw a picture he took with our camera in one of the porn files. I looked at it, and it was a woman in a bikini at the pool in our apartments. She obviously didn't know her picture was being taken. I was shocked. When he got home I confrounted him about it. He told me he didn't know why he took it. It was stupid, and he would never do it again. He was crying. I asked him if he had ever done this before and he said that he and his cousin had taken pictures of ladies when they were teenagers. He aknowledged that I have every right to be mad and sad about it. He aknowledged that it was a weird thing to do, and that he would be discusted and angry if someone took a picture of us in our bathing suits when we didn't know. I let him know that I find that very weird and creepy. I made it clear that I would never tolerate that again. I told him I forgive him.<br><br>
Now it's a few days later and I can't stop thinking about it. Is this just a stupid boyish thing he's done or a huge warning sign for future creepy behavior? I would never expect him to do something like that. I don't think he'll do it again, but I find myself questioning my trust in him. I am still very angry and sad about it. I am going to talk to him about the anger and hurt I still feel. I just don't know how I should feel about this. I need some outside opinions on this.
 

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Gosh, I'm really not sure what you should think, feel, do... I think if it were me, my gut reaction would be that I'd be really hurt that he was taking pictures of real people, which definately seems a whole step worse than porn. I would wonder how interested he was in this woman and whether he has some kind of obsession with her (did she just happen to be there while he had his camera out, did he see her at the pool and run home and get the camera, was he stalking her?). Then my second level of worry would be the creep factor.<br><br>
I am wondering whether he knows that you have access to or look at those pictures. It seems wierd to me that he didn't hide it. It also seems odd that he put it in a file of porn pics. Maybe it wouldn't have struck you as being so wierd if they were in with a file of pics taken at the pool that day, or whatever, kwim?<br><br>
I wish I had something to say to make you feel better, but I just don't know. Maybe it's no big deal but maybe it is... Ugh.<br><br>
J.
 

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I think you have handled it very well and I think it's a great thing to bring it up again to let him know how you honestly feel about it. It seems he may be receptive to your feelings, and it could be good for you to get them out, and for him to understand how much this is bothering you still. You are intitled to your feelings! It's not irrational at all! Maybe then you both can try to figure out and communicate why he did it and he can let you know he has no intention of ever doing that again. (hopefully)<br><br>
Let him know that what you need from him is some kind of reassurance that this will never happen again. If you put it to him that way, and he does that for you, you may be able to move on from this then.<br><br>
Good luck. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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wow. i think you handled it well, and i mostly agree with the above posters, but i also think it is a warning sign, and you should not ignore it.<br><br>
his background and his job are what make this incident seem so alarming to me.i mean how many times do you hear about these sex offenders who are in , say, the field of child psychology, or priests for that matter...<br><br>
my own stepfather did not sexually abuse me but he was incredibly abusive emotionally, and he was a teen councilor.<br><br>
a psychology proffessor just got fired from my university for taking pornographic photos with minors.<br><br>
it happens. going into a field that stops sex offenders doesnt make anyone less likely to be sex offenders. what your husband did was against the law, wasnt it? if you werent his wife, and just someone who witnessed him taking the photo, you would be inclined to call the cops.<br><br>
i am not saying you should do that, i think you should be supportive at this point, but i also think you should demand he get help , i.e. THERAPY, now, before anything else happens.<br><br>
he may be well intentioned but has a problem he cant really control right now-- do the right thing and help him get REAL help before he gets arrested for "peeping" and loses his job, etc. just "catching " him wont be motivation enough for him to stop, if it is a problem. please believe me, i have been involved with addcts in my life and know this to be true.<br><br>
a real warning is that he "doesnt know why " he did it! please help him see that this means he needs help! ok i wil stop lecturing you now. i know it is a hard issue, and that your husband is a whole person, and probably a very nice guy. (just so you dont think i am judging him or anyhting )<br><br>
take care <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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The fact that your dh put it in a file that you have access to is HIS call for YOUR help. He obviously has some deep "stuff" that he is still dealing with. And yes, he needs some more professional help (therapy) to work thru this before it taints all areas of his life. The reason that you can't stop thinking about it is because this is something that should NOT be forgotten. The emotions that you are feeling and internalizing are also your wake up call to guide him to the help he needs NOW. Stay strong and the purity of your love will pull you both thru this time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
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