[jarynsmom06]

I hope it's ok to post this here because it does have to do with bf. Anyway this is what happened.

We went to DP's grandmother's today because his cousin was having a yardsale and I needed to get ds some sleepers and maybe some other stuff he needed. I have been having some issues with supply, a little background: I work 9-11 hours in a shift, I am not able to pump enough the past week or so for a feeding and have had to suppliment a few bottles while I am at work with formula

. He gets satisfied when he nurses I just haven't been getting enough when I pump. I had posted a thread the other day asking if I had to suppliment what formula to use and a mama suggested a 24 hour nurse in. Well, I wasn't able to sit around or lay in the bed all day and nurse today, but I told DP that I wanted to nurse him at least every hour if he would take it to maybe get my milk supply up. So....back at the yard sale

I had fed ds about 11:30, dp mom came and got the baby and took him inside to visit while I went thru some clothes and chatted with his cousin. I realized it had been about and hour and a half since ds had eaten, so I go inside to get him. Dp mom was holding the baby and he was sleeping. I sit down beside her and say" I hate to wake him up to feed him but I am going to have to" this is what she says to me " I don't think so"

I pause for a moment and say " yes....I need to feed him" she says to me again " I don't think so, he just went to sleep"..I pause once again and say
" My suppy has been low and I need to feed him as often as I can" She then said something about my supply being low, basically asking me how long and that it must have just happened because from the looks of him he was getting all he needed

So, after a minute or so she hands him to me and mumbles something to him about going to mama so he can eat. He nursed for a little while but he just kept falling asleep, so I decided I was going to go outside to get away from her and cool off. I stand up and she says" What did you get up for?"

ummm because I wanted to...I didn't say that but I wanted to. I just told her I wanted to go outside and visit and I walked outside, she followed me...I knew she just wanted the baby back, but I was being evil

and didn't want to give him back. She actually asked me if I wanted her to hold him while I looked and I said " no, he's fine" but like two minutes after that, dp's cousin came over and asked the same thing and I gave him to her.

When we got in the car something was mentioned about ds being hungry. I said " yeah, I fed him a little,but it was like the act of congress getting him from your mother" he laughed and I said " it may have been inocent but she really pissed me off" He asked me what she said and I told him...he says" oh, she's just playing with you Jen, she just likes to hold the baby" This kinda irked me too.
He is on my poo list anyway. He has not been supportive at all about the supplimenting thing. He doesn't seem to recognize that it breaks my heart to have to suppliment at all, it's just easier for him because he doesn't have to make trips to my work so I can nurse or to pick up milk, but that is another novel in itself.

SO....what would you have done/said? The "before I was a mommy" attitude would have probably told her where to go and which train to take, but I held my tongue. I was actually trying to figure out at first if she really was joking and then when I realized she was serious I think I was in shock. I don't want to bring it up again to dp because it will probably start an argument, because things have just been odd between us lately.

This is what I want to say" You need to tell your mother it would be in her best interest to not tell me I cannot have my child and to stop trying to throw hints at how to raise him and furthermore, tell her to quit making comments to ds that are actually directed toward me" ex: " Tell mommy she needs to cuddle you" OR " did mommy not burp you enough?"....OMG that woman annoys me to no end sometimes.

I am emotional and very easily aggitated lately and she is driving me over the edge even more. I know there will be times I will get advice from people and I will just have to smile and nod and then ignore it, I am ok with that, but when she suggests' things to dp that "we" need to do or direct comments to ds that she is too chicken to come right out and say to me.....pisses me off

I am sorry this is soooo long, but I really needed to vent to someone. I am sure some of you have had similar issues and may be able to keep me from losing my mind or saying something I will regret or cause problems between dp and I. I know she is his grandmother and that is why I have kept my mouth shut up until now, but I am affraid it I hold it in much longer I will burst.

Thanks to all that read and TIA for help....

Proud Mommy to Jaryn 4-16-06 :2bfbabe:

 

[aisraeltax]

im usually not very short in my responses but i dont have much time and didnt want to read without posting.
first off, you need to get your dh to help you with the nursing. its HIS responsiblity too. i dont know what your work schedule is like right now, but i promise if you focus on nursing now it will get much easier later. its not EASY at all in the beginning.
have you tried to pump while bf'ing? some women get more that way.
have you tried a LC? they really are worth the money...think of how much cheaper bf'ing will be than buying formula, kiwm?

i would have a long chat with dh and tell him he needs to defend you. tell him you wont go to the MIL's home until he does. its not a JOKE for her to treat you badly. if anyone told me they werent going to give me MY baby, i woudl have gone off on them. GOOD FOR YOU for NOT doing that. you are much stronger mama than me.

sorry cant say more...gotta run!
rach

:

 

[SabbathD]

Wow! I don't know what I would have done. I guess, I understand why you don't want to fly off the handle with her, but if you don't tell her to knock it off in a nice way, then you will continually be agitated by her, and may end up letting your DC not see her as often because of it. Which isn't really fair to either of them.

Oh, on the not giving my baby to me thing, good lord. Someone help her. I would have probably lost it. You are a better person than me, cause that's just a bit much as far as I am concerned.

I guess, it can't hurt to gently point out how you feel to her. 'Ya know, I know that you have done this before and I appreciate what you are saying, but I think the baby and I need to find our own way to do things.' And when she makes comments to the baby, you may just need to let that go, unless you feel like you are confident enough to say something. I probably would, but I am not notorious for my tact.....I would probably say something like 'I know you are saying that to him/her because you are non-confrontational and don't want to say it to my face, but I am standing right here. Ya got something you would like to say, please address me.' But like I said, I am confrontational, and don't like BS. On the other hand, you can just know that she isn't saying it to you because she isn't comfortable actually saying it to you, and let it go.

I am so sorry that you had a bad experience. And I am sorry that you are having supply issues, and have a DP that doesn't necessarily understand. That's gotta be rough. Pick your battles, and fight them well. It's your baby, your body, and your right to raise them as you see fit. Dont' let anyone tell you differently.

 

[Charles Baudelaire]

Here's what I would have done:

Dp mom was holding the baby and he was sleeping. I sit down beside her and say" I hate to wake him up to feed him but I am going to have to" this is what she says to me " I don't think so"


I would have looked at her, raised one eyebrow, and then said in my sweetest voice, the kind that causes cancer in laboratory animals, "Really? How interesting," and then woken him up to feed him. Implication: You, MIL, are an ass.

She then said something about my supply being low, basically asking me how long and that it must have just happened because from the looks of him he was getting all he needed

My response: "Really? How interesting."

Enough of that, and she'll get the point.

 

[jarynsmom06]

I have always been a person to speak my mind no matter who it was, but I think I held my tongue because I knew if I said something it wouldn't come out very nice, but the more I think about it the more I want to just scream. I keep going over it in my head and what I could have or should have said, but like I said, I really think I was in shock. I have always been an outcast of sorts because I speak my mind and some people don't know how to take it. I don't get mean, I just say what I think and go on, I have no hard feelings most of the time, but the other people apparently do because they take it that I was attacking them

Sabbath, you are right, if something isn't done soon, I will just hold it in and take it out on her by not letting her see ds, which I have already thought about, but I know that is not fair, especially to my son.

 

[Benji'sMom]

People like that say stuff like that because they don't expect a response, they don't expect you to tell them to mind their own business. So call her bluff and tell her to mind her own business.

 

[Dido]

BTW, it's very possible to nurse a baby without them waking up at all! So your DP's mom was even further off base....

 

[mamabear&babybear]

My MIL did a similar thing to me when dd was young. I wish I would have said something and didn't. Our relationship has gone down hill since then. You don't have to be nasty and could still say something. My favorite is: you had your turn raising your kids and this is mine. Also next time you see her and she asks for the baby you could bring this up. Tell her that you are nervous about giving her your ds because last time she would not give him back when you asked. You could even mention how you would hate to have to rudely snatch him away if that happened again. Do not be timid when standing up for your ds. I swear this lesson has been repeated and repeated to me, and I think I have finally learned it.

 

[3703]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamabear&babybear Do not be timid when standing up for your ds. I swear this lesson has been repeated and repeated to me, and I think I have finally learned it.

I think this is good advice... I can be a wimp, but if there is one situation where your word should be the law, I think it should be where your ds is concerned