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Discussion Starter #1
A post in another thread got me thinking: How would you react if your SO decided to change religions, suddenly became religious, or suddenly decided to stop practicing his/her current religion?
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lurk.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lurk">:
 

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Well, I'm religious, and I'd never consider marrying anybody who wasn't a religious Jew.<br><br>
If I was with a man and he stopped being religious, we could <i>maybe</i> work things out, but if he wanted to convert to another religion, the marriage would be over.
 

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Well, I'd be surprised, mostly because my husband's religion (Hinduism) is so intensely cultural that I don't think he could stop practicing per se, but if he decided to embrace a different one, I'd probably be accepting and research it with him, whatever it was. But then, we're already from different religions, so we've been through some religious flexibility training already. Now, if he suddenly decided he was agnostic or atheist I'd have a much harder time, I still get comfort out of the fact that we both believe in <i>some</i> kind of basic, common God figure.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ruthla</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7944652"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well, I'm religious, and I'd never consider marrying anybody who wasn't a religious Jew.<br><br>
If I was with a man and he stopped being religious, we could <i>maybe</i> work things out, but if he wanted to convert to another religion, the marriage would be over.</div>
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I'm sorry, I should have included that scenario in my OP -- I'll go edit it to reflect that.
 

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well I think it would depend on whether we had children or not. i think it would be inconsiderate to up and change after you were already raising the kids a certain religion (confusing at best). If we didn't have children i could live with it, I wouldn't like it as i like doing things together and honoring our beliefs together as a family..
 

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I'd have a really hard time with it - we both roll our eyes at the ferver of the newly converted. Everyone else is fine, but the newbies...whoa, look out.
 

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It would depend on the religion.
 

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it would depend on the religion. i might ask him to make sure he didn't have a brain tumor or something because it could be extremely uncharacteristic for him so i would worry<br>
but otherwise i would probably be fine with it depending on the religion. we don't share the exact same beliefs and neither of us have beliefs that actually fit very well into any category i'm closest to being a natural panthiest and he is closest to being agnostic but i don't think he considers himself agnostic and that really doesn't fit for him...
 

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I will not care, honestly, Religion is not important to me, I grew up as an atheist and DH is supposed to be a Christian, but you know we never go to chruch and he doesn't agree in several things, I now there's a GOD(since I married DH) but I don't follow any churches or anything.<br><br>
And I don't even know what we are now lol
 

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Discussion Starter #11
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ersbett</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7945057"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I will not care, honestly, Religion is not important to me, I grew up as an atheist and DH is supposed to be a Christian, but you know we never go to chruch and he doesn't agree in several things</div>
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But that's the thing (for me anyway). If religion, to date, hasn't been important in the relationship and then it all of a sudden becomes important to one spouse, I would just think that would create a fundamental rift in the dynamic of the relationship.<br><br>
I think that partners of different faiths (or different degrees of faith) can make a relationship work when the expectations are voiced and dealt with from the beginning, but when one partner unilaterally changes the terms in the middle of a relationship ... I think I would find that really, really, <i>really</i> tough to accept.
 

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I would be sad if he converted to conservative evangelical Christianity, because I know that his church would drive a wedge between us (if not outright try to help him find away to dump me). And I would be sad if he fell into any type of religion or a cult that taught that women were nothing but subservients and encouraged abuse, because that would mean that I'd have to leave him.<br><br>
But most anything else, I figure it's his business not mine. I presume we'd have to negotiate our previously held agreement (our kids are being raised UU), but that's what happens in life with a lot of things, I wouldn't be adverse to revisiting it when it involves something as personal and passionate as religion.
 

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Well a sudden change in religious beliefs can (not always or anything) be a sign of some truly deep seated problem, either psychological or physiological so I would really want to see first if there was a problem that was at the root of this.
 

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This has happened with both Dh and I to some degree within our marriage. We both came from church backgrounds (Methodist and Mormon), but we went into our marriage fairly unreligious. I felt a calling to discover my religious path and I have done so (still doing it actually...). He has gone through many periods of seeking. He's seeking within Christianity at the moment, but I have no idea where that will go.<br><br>
I see great value in finding and walking the paths that are right for each person. I try to be supportive even where our beliefs do not match up. It's not always easy though. I do have issues with some Christian theology and if he were to become very conservative or fundamental...I don't know how well that would work for me. I am pro-choice, pro gay marriage, and I do not believe that other religions are worshiping "false Gods", etc. So basically I can deal with most things, but there are some I can not.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>maya44</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7945322"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well a sudden change in religious beliefs can (not always or anything) be a sign of some truly deep seated problem, either psychological or physiological so I would really want to see first if there was a problem that was at the root of this.</div>
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Did you see the documentary about the guy in the band "NY Dolls" who got brain damaged from falling out a window and then joined the mormon church? I thought it was funny, being part of the culture myself.
 

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I would "feel" that it was time for him to have a brain scan done.<br><br>
DH has been an atheist since he was 14 and I would seriously think he had a brain tumor if he started following a relgion, any religion.
 

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Like the pp, I'd wonder about his health. Dh is 51 years old. He's been atheist all his life. It's probably a result of growing up minority orthodox in a Muslim country. He doesn't care that I teach dd about what I learned growing up Pentecostal. I'm not particularly religious, but I do have a strong spiritual tug in a direction that there really is no name for. Religion isn't a deal-breaker for me because I feel that religion is a product of man and it really can't change a person, it can just make them act differently. Spirituality is something altogether different. However you want to name it, neither dh nor I would want to be pushed in a certain direction by the other and we wouldn't, as we respect each other far too much.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>limabean</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7945160"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think that partners of different faiths (or different degrees of faith) can make a relationship work when the expectations are voiced and dealt with from the beginning, but when one partner unilaterally changes the terms in the middle of a relationship ... I think I would find that really, really, <i>really</i> tough to accept.</div>
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Yes, I think it would be quite difficult.
 

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DH is a self professed Agnostic, and pretty strong in his stance. So I would be shocked if he decided to join any organized religion.<br><br>
I am pentecostal though, and we make it work. Much to the chagrin of my church. But we were very open and honest about it, and even before we got married we discussed raising kids, how holidays work, etc.<br><br>
But Ds1 is the only one old enough to "get" religion and he does go to church with me. And at this point he likes it and thats what he wants to do.<br><br>
But one thing DH and I agree on WHOLE heartedly is teaching our kids about as many religions as possible, wheter we agree w/ their beliefs or not. For instance the last couple of weeks we have been learning about Judaism and their traditions and cultures. A few weeks ago we spent few weeks learning about catholicism. My dad did this with us, and I think it is what enables me to be married to a man who has such different views.<br><br>
Steph<br><br>
*Ruthla: DS is enamored w/ Matzoh Ball soup, even though he calls it moth ball soup. But he thinks that and the cheroset(sp?) is to die for!
 
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