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Discussion Starter #1
our kids have relatives who say the most awful things, and I would like to know how to deal with this.<br><br>
dd, technically sd, has a couple of aunts who have made accusations (in front of her) that dh and I were fooling around behind 'mommy's' back. Not only is this completely untrue, who would talk about such a thing in front of a child?<br>
dd has actually asked me if we were doing this years ago, and I told her 'of course not!' and explained that sometimes people imagine things that aren't true.<br>
Now, my mother just made a comment to my dd that doesn't sit right with me.<br>
She said in an email 'you are getting prettier. You used to just be cute.'<br>
This offends me on so many levels I don't know where to begin. For starters, my mom is one of those types who think women should be all about looks and a man. Nothing else is important. I am trying to teach dd that looks are not the most important thing in the world, and that 'catching a man' should not be your primary goal in life. In the past my mom has made the comment that all of her mixed race grandchildren look 'white.' Not only is this untrue, it smacks of racism to me. My nephew and my son are obviously mixed race to most anyone else, and it makes me feel like she thinks it's so awful that they are, she had to make herself 'see white!'<br><br>
Am I overreacting?<br><br>
8(
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>bigeyes</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7921321"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Am I overreacting?<br>
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nope. my MIL once said to my son, "if you don't give me a hug i am going to cry." i couldn't stop myself and i said her name in this outraged tone. it was enough to make her stop and we addressed how manipulative it was later.<br><br>
once i explained that i felt he should be treated with the same respect you would treat an adult (if an adult said, "i don't feel like hugging you right now," you would never say, "but i'm going to cry!") she sort of understood.<br><br>
i think the way people treat children says a lot about the way they were treated as a child and it's up to YOU to break those patterns or inform them that you feel that comment is inappropriate for whatever reason.<br><br>
in-laws are touchy because they are always going to be there.<br><br>
good luck!
 

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Thanks, I tend to overreact, and I like to bounce things off someone else first.<br><br>
We've determined that a lot of the problems between me and my sd are because both of us had/have manipulative moms, so we're off to therapy starting tomorrow.<br><br>
I don't know why I'm surprised, this is the same woman who told me many times 'I don't like you but I love you.' WTF????
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>bigeyes</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7925193"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We've determined that a lot of the problems between me and my sd are because both of us had/have manipulative moms, so we're off to therapy starting tomorrow.</div>
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therapy is awesome! and don't be afraid to change therapists if you find this one isn't working. from my experience, it takes awhile before you find someone to click with.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>bigeyes</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7925193"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't know why I'm surprised, this is the same woman who told me many times 'I don't like you but I love you.' WTF????</div>
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oh geez. ouch. well, chalk one more up to things you should never say to a child.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Yeah, she's a prize all right.<br><br>
I think we both really like this therapist, so we'll see where it goes.<br><br>
In the meantime I'm going to pull up the email as 'reply' and edit out the part I think she shouldn't read. I doubt if my mom will notice, but I won't expose dd to it at any rate.<br><br>
I don't believe in listening in to children's phone conversations, but with so many toxic relatives I worry about what is being said to them.<br><br>
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