[Momma Aimee]

We are set on Home Schooling, our district is very poor and THAT is only the final nail in the coffen.

Theodore -- who will not have to be in Kindergarden untill 2011 -- has a low leave lf SN. He already has a "DX" of Expressive lang Delay -- 14 months behind right now. He is is ST 25 minutes a week ..we worked with Early Intervention adn now, over three, he is in Early Access with the School Districtr adn sees the school ST at the school for his appt (we love her).

In June he is going to the "local" childrens Holsptial for a full assessment -- the Ped (and I and the ST) are thinking SPD. We also hope to get some real dx, =something offical on the speech.

It is low level, just enough

to make him look like an ill behaved PITB

rather than a really "differnt" child

I know legally we are entitled to services even if we home school.

But I am getting a bit tired of the constant reframe i keep getting about "enrolling him in preschool, even a couple of morning a week" to 'help him"

He gets a lot of social oppertunites and has great freind, and has no social "problems" save teh speech.

I just don't feel right about Pre-school even if we were going to school at school, i do not see the need for PRE-school since i stay home. he is "beyond" where the preschool teacher says he "needs to be" at 3 years and 4 months as it is, so i must be doing somthing .

So far I have kept it non-combative. the ST knows we will homeschool and is happy, we have to dual enroll so that if he still has an IEP at teh time she can still work with him.

I keep a good eye on teh IEP so nothing in it says we agree to put him in school.

What else should i know, what advice can you give me, or even just HUGS??

I feel alone at the world here right now.

Aimee

 

[sbgrace]

Hug I can do.

I feel like my child's special needs are pretty involved but to an outsider looking in he, also, wouldn't strike someone as special needs. As he gets older that is harder because things that seemed ok at 3 are weirder at 5 but in general his disabilities are sort of invisible ones to people surface interacting.

So the issue is you feel pressure to enroll him in the special needs preschool? Is that right? I got that pressure over the last two years too. I just didn't do it and I never tried to justify why. I would simply say it didn't seem like the right choice for our family. Honestly, I think you get that pressure when you don't preschool a typical child too. You just encounter it less frequently initially perhaps.

I was very confident that homeschooling was better for Andrew so the pressure didn't affect me in a big way, especially early on. I felt (and feel) more pressure to do "academic" things with my kids even though I don't think it's good for preschool kids. The hard thing here is that Andrew really is delayed in certain areas. Since he's not in special needs preschool I always feel like doctors and others think he might not be behind if he weren't.

You aren't alone.

 

[ikesmom]

I have a SN child and he was originally dx'd severe delay. Gradually he grew to where he no longer needed speech. We ended up with a label of specific learning disabilities before entering K.

I was the one to seek EI through the district. I worked with children in a preschool setting years before and knew the milestone checklist and resources. I also got the nod from the day care at the community college I attended..they felt he should be evaluated. However..I never felt pressure. If I had I would probably feel the way you do. We had seperation anxiety and sensory issues that made me want to do the preschool. I volunteered most mornings in his class. When he went to HeadStart I became even more involved. I did community service and met many friends. I became a child advocate without ever planning to and learned so much from interacting with children with different abilities and their families. I worked close with his occupational and speech therapist at school and learned to use therapy at home.

I never had a thought of homeschooling until grade 2. We moved to a small town and the schools are disappointing. They don't have much to show esp for special needs. My son was not a behavior problem, so he was overlooked (nice kid) syndrome. He didn't learn much that year.. so this began our hs journey this year. There are a lot of hs families in this town. In fact he hangs with 40 kids in a small community every week. We go to each others homes, eat out, field trips, library, and parks. It is pretty dang good.

I put him on the waiting list for a private charter school that focuses on developing a moral and confident person. The teacher I met expressed that they were more concerned with teaching respect and compasion before measuring kids on their test scores. I was wooed by her love of growing children..talk. As the time gets closer though..only a summer till fall..I find I want to continue homeschooling. I want it to be his choice , but if he says he wants to try it then we can. I can always change course if it doesn't pan out well.

So there you go lady..more confusion lol. I chose both school and home. Those early years he learned a lot..came a long long way. I was there too though so that made it good. I am loving homeschooling and if I go back to school, change jobs, or if he chooses to go to school..then we will take it from there.

 

[Momma Aimee]

thanks

I know he needs services, right now anyway ...but i do not feel that pushing him into preschool -- and intentionally fustrating him constantly -- would be a good idea.

I guess i shelter him

but constant fustration defeats him, not teaches him.

Aimee

 

[purslaine]

My sister has two special needs children and the pressure she had to put them in preschool/school was unbeleivable. Essentially she was told they "needed" to be around other kids, repeatedly.

No real advice - just a hug - and know you are not alone.

Kathy

 

[Momma Aimee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kathymuggle My sister has two special needs children and the pressure she had to put them in preschool/school was unbeleivable. Essentially she was told they "needed" to be around other kids, repeatedly. No real advice - just a hug - and know you are not alone. Kathy

If he didn't HAVE a lot of peer contact i would understand -- but in a "typical week" he

goes to nusery at church -- with a teacher who can understand him and boys from 2 other families

goes to playdate with a family of 7 -- homeschooled

we have one of their 4 oldest over for "mother's helper" time so i can get 2 hours of work without the kdis -- and so the kids get something special

we also go to teb lib -- just us -- granted it si a SHORT trip -- but the Dorector can understand him (and the family of 7, one of their girls works there -- so whoever is the "adult" there can talk to him)

evey other week we play with a little girl who is a year younger than him, but very verbal

once a month we have dinner and play with a family with 3 -- one older, one his age and a younger girl who is newly home from russia.

When the Lib has Lib group we go each week.

This is on top of once a week ST at teh school (one on one offically though she often brings in a peer for him).

I do not want to shelter him at home -- he is going to HAVE to learn to cope with stressful situations (groups, new places and activities) but i feel he needs to do it at a very very very sloooooow pace. -- if he is fustrated or stressed or freaked then he is not benifiting, he is in fact getting a negitive from it

this summer -- we did agree to "summer pre-school" for speech. we are calling it his camp. 4 dates, 2 in June and 2 in July. 90 minutes. 4 little boys his age and 2 teachers. the ST will pull each child out for a short time, no drilles or "work" she will jsut 'keep track" of if speech in imporving or not for Emily for the fall. One of the boys is profoundly autistic (i think that is the term)..

and

the people at teh school ADMIT he is ahead on all the preschool goals ... sooooo, again, why send him???

ugh

Aimee

but i am so fustrated with this idea that preschool can do anythign i can't

 

[earthmama369]

He's getting his social needs met and then some, he's ahead on all the preschool goals.... You're fine. You're more than fine.

Sometimes people have a hard time thinking outside the box, so when someone's box is programmed to: Preschool is necessary for social development, especially with SN kids -- that's all they have to say. Sucks, but I wouldn't take it seriously at all. I just consider it as if they're speaking a different language and just can't quite GET IT yet because we're not speaking from the same set of experiences and expectations.

My son has a speech disorder and we've gotten the same comment a few times despite the fact that we have a full social schedule, he's in a homeschool co-op with his big sister, and he also meets or exceeds goals for kids at least a year older than him. But the person recommending preschool usually A) doesn't know our life and schedule very well and B) is just trying to be helpful. I try to meet those comments with confidence and good humor, and I get them a lot less that way.

 

[purslaine]

It does sound like you are doing a fantastic job!

You are right - he does not need to go to preschool, nor will he necessarily need to go to school.

My earlier post was really my way of saying that I know you will face lots of pressure - rise above!

Practice saying a few pat repsonses:

"we are happy with the plan we have in place for DS"

If pushed, add in:

"we are the parents, we are happy with the plan in place, but we will keep the idea in mind if the need arises"

Basically, give them the old brush off

Kathy

 

[debbiarm]

You've already stated that preschool isn't right for your child. Trust yourself because nobody knows your child the way you do. You ARE the expert and your child's best advocate.
My daughter attended a combination of public schools, private schools, and homeschool...including college at 16. When she was in kindergarten her teacher strongly recommended retaining her for another year due to her "social immaturity", even though she was academically too advanced for the class. I refused, and the following year her first grade teacher had her promoted to a combined first/second grade class. I realized then that I could expect to have to serve as my child's educational advocate. I did it and you can too.

 

[littlewigglebutts]

Okay take this with a grain of salt, as it's coming from the parent of a child with profound autism. The early preschool isn't about speech. It's about learning to adjust and adapt in the environment. It's about dealing with the SPD. The speech is in there too, but that's mostly being covered by ST.

None of it, when we were there, was about how much the child knew. It's all about teaching them to function and learn in a classroom. My DS was reading Daddy's medical textbooks by the time he was 3. He still qualified for the maximum preschool, ST and OT.

What sticks out to me was you say he seems like a PITB. So is it possible they're suggesting the preschool more because of non-compliance than speech? I don't know nearly enough about your situation to comment on whether that's the case or whether or not it would benefit your DS to go. Find out from them what the exact reasons are that DS might benefit from this program. If their answers are vague and "fishy", that it's own kind of answer right there.

I will say you should not get pressure from the school. I would call an ARD and tell them you feel PRESSURED by them, to send your DS to this program. Get it on tape if you can, because they aren't allowed to pressure you into doing anything. That should be a big NO-NO for them. Maybe they need to work on their compliance with their laws.

Anyway, I hope you get it resolved in the manner that best suits your's and your DS's needs. It's taken me some time, but we're now running as far and as fast from public and private schooling as we can. I really think if you are well educated, you can teach him more, more quickly at home.

 

[Momma Aimee]

why i say he can seem like a PITB or like i don't parent - vs a SN ... Monday we came out of ST at the school and the older kids had made kites and they were on the wall .. not Theo is really into Kites. and in some way proud of himself for noticeing them or "picking them out". so Miss E the ST and I are trying to talk and Theo is PULLING on me to go see a kite on teh wall about 15 feet away. he will nto stop. i tell him in a minute, i offer to hold him (CAP on my back) and so on ... he is strating to panic about it. he will not stopp chanting "kite momma, kite momma, kite momma" and pulling on me.

Miss E and I walked tot he kite to talk, he was happy and when it was time to leave I said 'let's go to the van Theo" he offered his hand and walked out with me totally ahppy.

now to an outsider .. i am just a push over who gave in to him, i let him baddger me and pull on me and so on ... but really that is just part of his "needs" (whatever tehy ARE) and to work with it makes things so much better -- than to fight it.

Had I tried to forcve him to leave without "visiting" the kite for a couple of minutes, i would have had to litteraly carry him or drag him out and he would have been fighting and crying adn yelling the all teh moring, untill naop (a reset oppertunity) would have been ruined.

As it was we went on to the stroe adn he coped fairly well with the rest of the monring.

I trust Miss Em and I think she really does just think that PS would address his speech.

I suspect that others (liek at the Chirldern's Hopsital when they asked about it) do expect PS to effect his ablity to follow a group (something he will have to learn some day) and to transtion and so on

and thoese are things we work on, and he will have to learn to cope with -- but i don't think the SINK or SWIM approach is right -- I really feel in the PS he'd be too overwelmed, too frantic .... when he gets upset he can not self sooth and he'd be upset in class with no options for soothing.

ugh

again, even if we were going to public school or private school we would not dfo preschools

i get soooooooo fustrated with teh push, constant push to sent children to school sooner and sooner and sooner.

Theo is not even Kindergarden till 2011 ... this is not 2010 they are pushing it was this year -- 2008 (fall) ... geesh

thanks for the support.

We need to get the assessment and get some offical handle of what we are dealing with.

however i have made it CLEAR at his IEP pre-school is not a given and we will consider it ONLY if we can be giving specif reasons and also if it can be clear that preschool is the only way to meet the goals ....

Aimee

 

[purslaine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momma Aimee why i say he can seem like a PITB or like i don't parent - vs a SN ... Monday we came out of ST at the school and the older kids had made kites and they were on the wall .. not Theo is really into Kites. and in some way proud of himself for noticeing them or "picking them out". so Miss E the ST and I are trying to talk and Theo is PULLING on me to go see a kite on teh wall about 15 feet away. he will nto stop. i tell him in a minute, i offer to hold him (CAP on my back) and so on ... he is strating to panic about it. he will not stopp chanting "kite momma, kite momma, kite momma" and pulling on me. Aimee

See - I read this as a parenting decision - and one that may be unrelated to SN.

You have a desire to talk to teacher. Your son has a desire to see kite.

Going over to the kite while talking to teacher is just smart - it gets everyones needs met.

Many people come from a more hierarchal POV - parent wants to talk - kid must wait. Parents needs first. You may just be coming from a more alternative parenting frame of mind - it is seperate from SN.

Of course, because your child is SN, you probably will face more pressure to conform than others.

For some reason, when a child is special needs, people feel more inclined to force their agenda on you. But keep in mind it is their agenda.

OT: If you don't mind - may I ask where you are from?

I keep thinking you are from Quebec - the pressure you face is so similar to my sisters, and you spell Aimee in a French way....

Kathy

 

[Momma Aimee]

Aimee is the french spelling, My father encountered it in a novle in college (I do not knwo which one, he was English / jonuralism student).

I am from Missiouri and now live in Iowa.

Maybe you are right about it being as much my "respectful" parenting as his SN .. I just feel it is more noticalable .. his obsession with the kite ... because i notice it. Maybe -- well I guess without his SN I would have chosen to talk by the kite for him too. good point, i guess i am overly senstitive.

AImee

 

[earthmama369]

Aimee means loved, beloved in French. That's one of my favorite names for its sound and meaning.

 

[kittywitty]

I think you are doing the right thing. My ds is 7. He has SPD for a variety of things-visual, tactile, motor. He has a pretty bad motor delay of about 3-4 years and we have been taking him to OT for it. You can get speech therapy through a lot of hospitals without a school setting, if you need it, too. It is hard sometimes at home but it's a lot better than I know it would be at school for him with people who don't understand or are unlikely to make accommodations.

 

[Momma Aimee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittywitty I think you are doing the right thing. My ds is 7. He has SPD for a variety of things-visual, tactile, motor. He has a pretty bad motor delay of about 3-4 years and we have been taking him to OT for it. You can get speech therapy through a lot of hospitals without a school setting, if you need it, too. It is hard sometimes at home but it's a lot better than I know it would be at school for him with people who don't understand or are unlikely to make accommodations.

Thanks

Sometimes i think the thing is his SN is at a low level, so it is not always appearent that he has differnt / extra needs -- only that he doesn't seem able to behave.

I do want him to function in groups (lib group for now) my job is not to shelter him but to help him be successful -- i just don't see how dropping him (sink or swim IMO) in to preschool is gonna help.

he has visited the room and was very very distrubed that none of the kids would / could speak to him or understand him (he uses a lot of ASL) and that was upsetting for him. HE tried to play with 3 differnt kids who didn't respond to his very kind apptepts and that really upset him and made me even more sure that THAT is not the place for him.

Thanks for the support, i need it a lot right now.

Aimee

 

[kittywitty]

Poor guy!

My ds was in preschool when I took a class a couple years ago. Just an hour or so a day but he did not do well. He is very sociable and loves playing with other kids but the sensory issues and delay just make him look like a wrecking ball to other people. No one wants to be labeled an outcast or the "misbehaved" one. I think you are doing a great thing in helping your son.

 

[theretohere]

My oldest is high function but on the ASD spectrum and my youngest has a seizure disorder.
I think homeschooling is absolutely the right choice for my family- not despite their special needs or because of it, just because it's what fits.
You are not alone.

 

[Momma Aimee]

thanks everyone, thanks a lot.

Aimee

 

[Momma Aimee]

thanks
again