[peacefulmom]

hey i need a rant and some advice....to make a really LOOONG story shorter my husband and I are totally seperated from his side of the family because they are so overly mainstream and very disfunctional..they have a almost 4 year old (DH"S niece) and they started hitting her around 4 months and making her keep her nose on a spot on the wall when she gets in trouble and is cussed and and her mom gets mad at people who teach there kids "to be gentle" she says girls dont need to be gentle..

: ANYWAY..My sister is married to my hubbies Bro and so we still see them at my parents house..like Fathers day..How do you handle people who try to discapline and "teach" your children...IE> My sister, who drives me crazy

kept sayind say thank you, say this, and that and dont sit there and when Lily got hurt from a lil fall she said WHAT are you crying for and I was about to blow up...ther was more from her hubbie too, they spent the day with the other side of the family and that is how they treat Lexi..its open game for anyone to yell at or "punish" her at there houses...SOOOOO what do you say, how do you cope..when All I want to do is keep my lily away from them them and yell...LEAVE MY DAUGHTER ALONE YOU CRAZYS"

 

[captain optimism]

I suppose it won't help your family relationship to yell or call them crazy. But you can tell them, very sternly, that you will discipline your daughter as you see fit. She is your daughter and it is not appropriate for them to punish her. That's all.

If someone said to my child "What are you crying for?" I would probably say, "He fell down. In my family, it's okay to cry. Please don't scold him for it."

I'm really sorry that you have to hang out with them when your children are around. That's really tough.

 

[librarymom]

Good answer Captain Optimism.

 

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Virtually everyone on both sides of our family would raise my children differently if they were theirs. And it used to be the norm that "if its our house, we get to discipline as we see fit". Not any more. I told everyone that no one was to touch my children (their idea of discipline = spank), ever. Now I treat my ILs just like my toddlers. "In our house, we do it this way". "No, that is mean, we do this". If you repeat it enough, they will eventually figure out that they can't get away with things. Just like a toddler.

 

[Free Thinker]

My whole family is like this too. Honestly, I don't think there is any way to teach them that what they are doing is 'wrong' IYO. I just don't leave my DD there. If they say something "your gonna get a spanking" I say "she doesn't even know what a spanking is". They know that. THey keep telling me I will change my mind, my kid will be a brat, ect. Oh, well, she will be my brat

Just try to distance yourself as much as possible, and show your niece love and compassion whenever you can. Hopefully she will grow up to see that her parent's way of disciplining was not necessary. Plenty of us have changed!!! My parents were avid spankers, and manipulators (still are

).

 

[BurnsideMommy]

I now how that is. My family agreed with my parenting methods until my 18 year old sister had her baby. She is 100% mainstream, and honesly - a bad mom - we have often (as has my MIL!) thought to call CPS on her & her fiance as they do a lot of things we consider emotional & verbal abuse (it's really upsetting). Anyways, my Mom supports my sis in all this because she's the favorite daughter. My Dad sometimes is ok with it and sometimes not. It's infuriating.

We've been told to let him CIO, put him in a stroller (rahter than sling), etc... I just say he's happier this way, and this is how we do things, and go on with whatever I'm doing. It's bad when Austin throws fits though or does something unpleasant. They have come close to spanking him or slapping his hands when hes 'naughty' and they're pretty mean about it too. Dad gets very angry and it shows. I just say that he learns best from his mistakes when Dad/Mom are discipining him calmly and the way he's used to, and it's easier for him to focus on one person disciplingin him rather than trying to listen to 2 people tell him what to do (ie - Austin threw bacon in the restuarant, and I tried to deal with it, and at the same time my dad was telling him it was naughty, don't do that, tried to hit his hand, etc - I nearly cried I was so angry with my Dad then).

I have a very hard time dealing with this, and it's a longer story about my family than I will post here but it's frustrating. I don't have the best advice, but I know how you feel.

We're going up to stay with my family for a week next week. That outta be interesting. They haven't seen Hunter yet, and haven't seen Austin since New Years. Plus my sis & nephew live with my parents, and she lets him CIO - which will not ride with me (I will just get up and take care of him for the 11 nights we're there) - so that outta be interesting. I have a feeling I'm gonna end up fighting with my sister over parenting tactics while we're there.

Sorry someone else has to deal with similar crap that I go through regarding mainstream vs ap family.

Rissa

 

[mom2lyndsey]

I remind people (even if they are family) that I am the mommy!

The other day a woman said to my daughter (3 1/2) that she was too old to have a passie. I looked the woman in the eye and said "Excuse me, I am her mom. She is 3 1/2 and we have been traveling for 4 days. She is entitaled my me to use here pacifier outside of the bedroom." You could have heard a pin drop.

Lyndsey's mom

 

[peacefulmom]

hey mammas thanks for the wonderful and heartfelt replys...I get so sad at my own expierences with extended family and their misuse of paretning and misunderstanding of attachment and I also am saddended to hear others stories.....We as I said earlier have not seen my hubbies family in over a year because they constantly said things behind our backs about extended breastfeeding and GD etc...and I couldnt allow my daughter to see the harsh treatment of her cousin.....My sister says I am too protective...is ther such a thing????

anyway I am proud of the mommy I am and all of us who guide our children in a gentle and loving way...I am so glad I can turn here for the support I need because when I am cornered or frustrated I know you have been ther too....much love to you all peacefulmom