[Sheal]

We're strapped financially, plain and simple. Hubbs is being hard headed. He wants to get a PS3 for the kids for Christmas. I'm saying no because it's all cons for getting it.

1. The kids are 8 and under (come this Friday, oldest turns 8)

What the heck do they need a PS3 for?

2. They broke the PS2 we got 3 Christmases ago by leaving it on all the time and most of the games are scratched or not working either.

Why give them a 400 dollar gift they are going to break and disrespect anyway, that's a major con.

3. We simply don't have that money, none of it. What does he want me to do crap out 100 dollar bills? Really IF I could do that, we'd be set for life and laughing to the bank every day.

We've had the conversation about this a bazillion times now and he's upset that I keep saying no. I pointed out all the cons to him last night - again, ad nauseum. He keeps rolling his eyes and sighing and I get the feeling it's not for the kids that he wants it, it's for him (because in the end who's going to use it more - HIM).

There is no way we can afford it, no way I'm about to let him buy it and he's pretty mad about that. Dude, if we could afford it do you think we'd need extra help for the holidays? We have bills that are suffering, my Christmas budget is gone down the toilet paying for a work accident he had with the truck (his bonus is going to that), I still don't have my Christmas tree, the decorations seem to be no where to find (add THAT to the holiday expenses now, years and years of decorations - missing, gone...probably lost in my March move.

He keeps bringing it up and I (honestly I'm starting to get a bit harsh with it too) keep shooting it down. I'm starting to get a little frustrated with him.

 

[CarrieMF]

tell him if he gets a 2nd job to pay for it then he can.

How long ago was it that they broke the ps2? If used under supervision the ps3 should not be broken & the games should not get wrecked. Your oldest was 5 at the time so it doesn't surprise me much.

The games for the ps3 are geared more towards older teens & adults. There are some younger ones, dh has downloaded a few that the kids like to play.

The ps3 can play blue ray discs which dh likes for certain movies.

now, if dh really wants something for the KIDS then he should be thinking Wii, not ps3. The games are geared more towards kids & families, the machine is cheaper than a ps3.

 

[freespirited]

How did the PS2 break? was it saying "disc read error"? Dh's did that and he fixed it with some instructions he found online. He also paid $50 for it at a yardsale. Is a used PS3 an option? Can you look on craigslist or a game-trading store or pawn shop? They usually have a lot of used ones. G/L! I wouldn't pay $400 either but if I could get a used one for half that, then maybe.

 

[mtm]

Can you show him the budget and ask hiim where they money is coming from? Get him involved? Sounds like he wants to make Christmas lovely for your kids which is admirable but stupid if there's no money for it. We want a wii next year or the year after so are starting a wii fund in January to pay for it. Will he consider that for next year?

 

[cristeen]

Neither the PS or the Xbox is geared towards young children. I'd ask your DH to make a list for you of the games that he intends to buy and then ask him which of those are suitable for a child under 10.

I agree with the pp that for small children the Wii is a much better choice because it *is* geared towards younger children, and most of the games seem to be suitable for a child under 10.

None of which addresses the fact that you simply don't have the money for it. I would ask your DH to sit down and make a list of everything that would need to be purchased for the PS, with their costs (including tax). This includes controllers, games, batteries, etc. Have him add it all up so he can see the grand total.

Then I'd present him with this months budget and say something along the lines of "here's this month's budget, show me where you think we can pull that money from". Rather than you just telling him no so that he thinks you're being mean, sit down with actual numbers and make him figure out what goes... do you skip groceries? not pay the rent? etc. He can sulk all he wants, but if he's presented with cold hard reality he should (hopefully) stop blaming it on you.

Does he get an "allowance" or money that he doesn't have to account for to the family? If he does, tell him that he can always save his "allowance" up for it, since that wouldn't be coming out of the family budget. But I would also make certain rules about where the PS would be placed, how the discs would be stored, etc., so that it's out of the children's reach and they can't break it or scratch up the discs. I don't know if it's anything like the Xbox 360, but that one can be turned on and played entirely from the controller (which is fairly cheap to replace). The only thing you have to touch the box for is to change a disc, which obviously an adult should be doing until the kids are responsible enough to not destroy them. And actually, the same thing goes for the Wii.

As for the scratched PS discs you already have, I would look into getting a CD/DVD resurfacer. They run about $20, IIRC. Since what is scratched is the protective coating on the disc rather than the actual information (most of the time), they are usually repairable. It takes a little bit of time, but it's better than throwing the money in the garbage. And then maybe he can sell some of the older games to get money for some newer ones.

HTH

 

[claddaghmom]

DH has always been a gamer/electronics nerd. So going into marriage, we made an agreement that he could enjoy his hobby BUT had to get the items outside of family cashflow.

So, if he wants a game or a new system then he has to find other ways.

1. Trade in games at a game store
2. Sell games on ebay
3. Borrow/trade with friends
4. Share systems with friends
5. Get a temp. job or work o/t or get a commission bonus
6. When all else fails, ask his parents to get him stuff for b-day/x-mas.

 

[Sheal]

Thanks for the tips ladies.

I've already presented him with budget and shown him it's not doable (I do all the finances and bills in the house). I can't exactly tell him get a second job, his current one is 12 to 16 hours a day (he's a tow truck driver) without that being a. harsh of me and something I'd never do to him and b. not plausible anyway with his work hours.

Honestly, I think it's a bit of wanting to give the kids an extravagant Christmas and for his own purposes as well (bonus benefiting from the gift). My idea that I presented was to go with a new PS2 - for several reasons which follow.

1. A quarter of the price (120 brand new, with controller and we have other controllers already here from the old PS2).
2. We have all our games (and I was thinking of the resurfacing gadget already!) that work with the PS2 and not all PS3's apparently play PS2 games - it depends on which model you get. A waste of games if you end up with the model that does not play the PS2 games (or is this rumor?)
3. We have kids games that are geared to our children already, granted some of them irk me (like the pacman one being a bit violent for my liking but it has the original pacman game with it as well). I'm a stickler for the ratings, I refuse to let them play the violent, gory games or even watch an adult play. I don't like the violence in a lot of these games and I see everyday what games like Halo and Grand Theft Auto are doing to my 10 year old nephew (his mom lets him play these games and he's all about the "gangster" attitude lately).

I also suggested that perhaps in the New Year we could purchase a PS3 and wait until we are more financially able and caught up with the more pressing and necessary needs of the house hold. He scoffed a bit at it but conceded that perhaps it might be a better idea to wait (first time he actually agreed last night about the cons of it).

As for our PS2 being broken, the laser light no longer functions and all discs are reading as "disc read error" even the ones my BIL has for his PS2 are reading on ours as "disc read error" and none of his are scratched, broken or have problems on his PS2. It was always kind of wonky from day one, I think we may have ended up with a slightly wonky PS2 when we bought it, it also jumps to the console menu instead of even reading the disc at all. From day one certain games would never load on the first try, sometimes even second or third reset even.

I think he is coming around to the idea of waiting it out for a bit, it's just taken awhile to get him to realize that we just don't have it to give and there are better things to spend money on than this. Besides the kids remember the things we do with each other for Christmas not the things we get. I want our Christmas this year to be about us not about gifts or getting everything we want but about us and needing each other. It's been a tough year.

He also keeps getting upset with me about my "lack of Christmas cheeriness" not because of financial reasons or because of money or getting them the best - every year is the same, I hate Christmas. I hate this time of year because of a lot of bad memories from my family. My family was extremely cold and callous with each other. Very dysfunctional and Christmas was a stressful rather than a happy time of year. I do admit that it takes it's toll on my family but I can't help the conditioning of my childhood traumas. I mean my grandparents made my mother make appointments to see them with my sister and I, only saw them once a year (Christmas) and you can imagine how that left my sister and I (and mom) feeling like we were less than good enough for them. It's always been like that for them, the last time my grandparents saw my two oldest was when we made the effort to go to Montreal for Easter 5 years ago and my third oldest I took with me to their 50th anniversary when he was still a baby (he's 5 now).

I can understand that they are old now, I have no issues coming to them but they don't even call, no letters, no nothing...it just reminds me of the way my childhood was and I hate it. I think he may also be equating (sub consciously) this lack of Christmas cheer to my lack of empathy for the PS3 and getting it.

 

[ShaggyDaddy]

for what it's worth... "Disc Read Error" is not your kid's fault. It is a known manufacturer defect, common in the (larger form factor) PS2 machines... It is one of the reasons people started in with the sony hate, because it usually happened after the warrenty period. There are a number of online guides to fix it.

My brother bought and fixed 2 broken PS2s and used them as christmas presents a couple of years ago.

 

[Sheal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShaggyDaddy for what it's worth... "Disc Read Error" is not your kid's fault. It is a known manufacturer defect, common in the (larger form factor) PS2 machines... It is one of the reasons people started in with the sony hate, because it usually happened after the warrenty period. There are a number of online guides to fix it. My brother bought and fixed 2 broken PS2s and used them as christmas presents a couple of years ago.

I just skimmed the tutorial, is it really THAT easy? Holy Heck, thank you!!! I'm going to give this a whirl later tonight!!! (I'm a computer tech and graphics designer, should be easy enough for my altruistic hands lol).

This may even save us more money for Christmas because 120 dollars is my gas or electric bill lol.

Thanks to the two PP who suggested it!

 

[Thystle]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheal I do admit that it takes it's toll on my family but I can't help the conditioning of my childhood traumas.

Can I kindly point out something? You can help that conditioning. The simple fact that you are an adult with free will that understands that your childhood "hurt" you and is now in turn affecting how you deal with your family.

Realizing there is a problem is really the first step (yeah I know that sounds AA).

Maybe if you work on healing your trama, it wont be so hard during the holidays? "Toxic Parents" is a good book to start with. It's up to YOU to make sure that you do not repeat what your family did to you... to your own family.

If it helps we have dealth with this for years with my hubby. It was hard for him too. But letting go of the past and working on not repeating is what finally helped him. Now he is not all "Rainbows and Santa Sunshine", and he still hates Xmas music... but he stays "present" and "pleasant" with a few easy xmas things.

Like I said.... said out of kindness, not coming down on you at all!

PS... good luck with the PS2 fix. If you can't do it, maybe you can find a game shop that can fix it? We have one here that fixes them (if it is fixable) for $20. Pawn shops also have alot of "cheap" ones.

Maybe if you can fix it, you can get a new game or two on sale and that would be a good comprimise?

Overstock, Amazon and Walmart always have games on clearance.

 

[Sheal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thystle Can I kindly point out something? You can help that conditioning. The simple fact that you are an adult with free will that understands that your childhood "hurt" you and is now in turn affecting how you deal with your family. Realizing there is a problem is really the first step (yeah I know that sounds AA). Maybe if you work on healing your trama, it wont be so hard during the holidays? "Toxic Parents" is a good book to start with. It's up to YOU to make sure that you do not repeat what your family did to you... to your own family. If it helps we have dealth with this for years with my hubby. It was hard for him too. But letting go of the past and working on not repeating is what finally helped him. Now he is not all "Rainbows and Santa Sunshine", and he still hates Xmas music... but he stays "present" and "pleasant" with a few easy xmas things. Like I said.... said out of kindness, not coming down on you at all! PS... good luck with the PS2 fix. If you can't do it, maybe you can find a game shop that can fix it? We have one here that fixes them (if it is fixable) for $20. Pawn shops also have alot of "cheap" ones. Maybe if you can fix it, you can get a new game or two on sale and that would be a good comprimise? Overstock, Amazon and Walmart always have games on clearance.

Oh believe me, I hide it from the kids. It's the rest of the adults that see it. I would never let that affect my kids, it's not my right to let that affect the kids, it's my obligation however to make sure it never does.

I hate Christmas music except for some songs, when we trim the tree I am actually okay (read tolerate) the Christmas music, we watch the Christmas movies, do the Christmas stuff and I'm actually okay with that part of the holidays (in fact I find it nice, especially watching the kids with their happiness and spending quality time with the whole family).

It's my issues and I understand that completely and I make sure it doesn't affect the kids at all. Hubbs just sees it when the kids don't. I think getting a new (used) game or two at the local used games store is a great compromise actually. It leaves a little less heaviness on the pocket book and I know the kids don't care what it is just that it is.

 

[brooks97]

How about a used Nintendo DS from a video game store instead? It'll cost $120 tops if it's used, and have more games to fit your kids' ages.

 

[grniys]

Honestly, if my DH were insisting we get the kids a game system and we could find some way to manage financially, I would insist it be a wii instead. It seems more kid friendly and it's not so stationary. Then, he wouldn't be able to accuse you of being a Grinch and, IMO, there's so much more you can do with a wii. JMO.

 

[CarrieMF]

I wasn't serious about your dh getting another job, but it is a way that sometimes clicks with my dh if he really wants something that bad. I'll tell him to get another job or find a way to make up the money.

With being a tow truck driver can he work OT to make more money?

Hopefully you can fix the ps2, if you do I suggest re-wrapping it & giving it to dh for christmas. Don't tell him you fixed it. Buy a new game or 2 to go with it.

With the ps3 it is the more expensive ones that you can play the ps2 games on.

If you can't fix it, see if you can put aside $10(or more if you can) each cheque until you have the funds for it.

 

[jeca]

if he knows you don't have the money to spare it how does he plan on buying it? Forgive me if that's been said answered somewhere.

 

[Sheal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarrieMF I wasn't serious about your dh getting another job, but it is a way that sometimes clicks with my dh if he really wants something that bad. I'll tell him to get another job or find a way to make up the money. With being a tow truck driver can he work OT to make more money? Hopefully you can fix the ps2, if you do I suggest re-wrapping it & giving it to dh for christmas. Don't tell him you fixed it. Buy a new game or 2 to go with it. With the ps3 it is the more expensive ones that you can play the ps2 games on. If you can't fix it, see if you can put aside $10(or more if you can) each cheque until you have the funds for it.

Tow truck industry is commission based. I wish he had OT work! He works about 80 hours a week, 7 days a week with two weekends off a month (barely). That's the "slow" season too. I figured you weren't serious, I didn't take it as an insult if you thought I did. Great idea with the re-gifting! I think I'll put a card on it that will say something like "I know you were upset about it being broken so I fixed it for you and here's two new games to enjoy with it". The EB Games and We Got Games stores sell used games for 10 to 15 dollars, they're usually in great condition and during the Christmas season have a 90 day return policy (if they are not working) instead of the standard 30 day!

Jeca: No idea where he thinks the money is coming from but it's not coming from our check book or debit cards that's for sure! I think he is coming around though and realizing that it is not doable at this point and time. Slowly but surely he is coming around to the fact we cannot afford it for any new gaming system (even a new PS2 would put us out horribly at this point but I was willing to "stretch it" as a compromise though).

 

[Sheal]

Update:

Turns out the PS2 we had was indeed unfixable. We found a guy selling his for really cheap on Kijiji with a light gun (meh, I don't like guns but that's not something the kids will play with anyways for those games), 71 games, a memory card and 2 controllers. Ready for the price? 200 dollars, a bit more than the brand new ones with more than just the playstation.

Guess what else happened, out of no where my dad (whom I am estranged from basically) said he wanted to gift it to all of us so not only do they get a ps2 but I can pay the bill we were going to let slide for 2 weeks at the same time! I guess hubbs was talking to my uncle that works with him (same boss, same company) and my dad lives with my uncle so he turned around and said he'd go get it and gift it to the kids and us. We don't talk much and we have our issues but papa bear does love his grand kids. With all my misgivings of my father, I still do very much love my dad I just wish we talked more and did stuff together more. Maybe it's an olive branch he's trying to offer?

 

[Mama Dragon]

Quote:

We have bills that are suffering, my Christmas budget is gone down the toilet paying for a work accident he had with the truck (his bonus is going to that), I still don't have my Christmas tree, the decorations seem to be no where to find (add THAT to the holiday expenses now, years and years of decorations - missing, gone...probably lost in my March move.

He does know this right? Bills come before toys.

Oops, I missed your update! That's pretty cool =)

 

[CarrieMF]

I'd say it's definitly an olive branch from your father.

 

[Sheal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synthea™ He does know this right? Bills come before toys.

*lol* looks like we cross posted!

Of course he does. All around, he's a wonderful husband and father. He was just trying to give to his kids how his parents gave to him. He's not a bad person, he just really didn't realize that what he was trying to do would hurt our finances. It's a moot subject now because my father stepped in and has gifted the kids with the gift and very much to my surprise. Very unexpected offer from him considering the last time I spoke to him was 3 months ago and it was him asking me to dog sit his dog Bailey while he did a roofing job with my uncle.

Why do I get the feeling that was a bit hostile from you, like you think hubbs is some jerk or something? Unless I read too much into it?