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My hubby is so not interested in me. He doesn't want to have sex cuz he thinks he is hurting the baby. (Yep we have been over that MANY times that he is not. Even our therapist told him he is not) He doesn't like my changing body. I asked if he resented the baby for taking over my body and he said yes. Great, just great. What am I supposed to do with that???? It is so hard to not be 'wanted' and 'desired' by your spouse. I am so tired of getting rejected when I try to get close to him. It normally hurts to get rejected but being pregnant with crazy hormones and feeling fat and huge already....It makes we want to scream and cry. We are really good at comunicating and we go to a wonderful amazing thearapist but I he just can't understand what I need from him.

Please tell me that others are going through this too. What do you do?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarlet_Redhead View Post
My hubby is so not interested in me. He doesn't want to have sex cuz he thinks he is hurting the baby. (Yep we have been over that MANY times that he is not. Even our therapist told him he is not) He doesn't like my changing body. I asked if he resented the baby for taking over my body and he said yes. Great, just great. What am I supposed to do with that???? It is so hard to not be 'wanted' and 'desired' by your spouse. I am so tired of getting rejected when I try to get close to him. It normally hurts to get rejected but being pregnant with crazy hormones and feeling fat and huge already....It makes we want to scream and cry. We are really good at comunicating and we go to a wonderful amazing thearapist but I he just can't understand what I need from him.

Please tell me that others are going through this too. What do you do?
Sorry I always think this is a pretty selfish and rotten response from men. ((HUGS))

I would tell him how it makes you feel, I can't say more than I think it's POOPY.
 

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I'm on pelvic restriction, so I'm not getting much action either -- I can sympathize on that end, at least. We had a reprieve between weeks 14-20 where we were allowed sex once a week, and though DH was responsive, he was just not himself sexually. He was definitely scared about hurting the baby, and there wasn't much I could do to actually convince him otherwise -- though books, my OB, and my maternal-fetal medicine specialist all concurred.

As for his not liking your changing body, I personally think that's a bit selfish. I mean, honestly, does he not realize his body is (or will be) changing too? Would it be right for you to deny him intimacy when his body grows a bit pudgier around the middle or his hair starts to fall out? No, it wouldn't. For a man to think it's okay to deny a woman just because she's a bit rounder is ridiculous. But, I digress...

If you're desperate, maybe try some loose and flowy lingerie that covers your expanding midsection and YOU make the moves on him. I find I always get my way if I start things and get him to the point where it's hard to say no. Also, it helped my husband if we used positions where he wasn't "laying on the baby" -- made him more comfortable and receptive. Maybe a time or two like that and he'll be back on his A-game.
 

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I don't really blame them. They can't help it that they are not into pregnant bodies. My dh respects my body and thinks it is beautiful, but honestly, I doubt he is very attracted to me right now. He normally likes to have sex like twice a day (not that we actually do though). But now, it is not very often. Biologically, men are driven to have sex to reproduce. It makes sense that they are not as attracted to pregnant women. There are men that have pregnant women fetishes, and I am glad my dh does not
Try spooning with him, that way he gets going without having to be staring at the big belly.
 

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i agree with Spring Sun. A pregnant woman's body is beautiful but not always in "that" way, unless you are into pregnant women. I also think that this is one of those times that communication doesn't always solve the problem and can sometimes exasperate the situation. It probably does you no good knowing his true feelings, and if he didn't feel he could have shared them he might have sucked it up and took care of the job. I know, not idea, but not everything in life is.
My husband and I didn't have sex until I was in my second trimester. I spotted quite a bit for a couple of weeks in the first, so we didn't even attempt sex at that time. I think my husband was relieved because he was kind of freaked out about it too. Once we did, it was like riding a bike again... all the fear went away. I did notice my husband did better when I didn't make him talk about it all the time, because that just made him feel worse. Also, sometimes people will say things they don't mean when they are backed in a corner because they feel so guilty already. Once we were just in the moment and not analyzing it everything just fell into place... haha (pun intended).
Have you tried touching him early in the morning or in the middle of the night when things are less mental and much more physical? Sometimes over-thinking can really hinder the body from being loose enough to be sexual. That's why I noticed those times are the best for letting go of your (his) inhibitions.
Good luck and don't take it personally. I know that is easier said than done, but everyone goes through changes in pregnancy... not just us.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarlet_Redhead View Post
My hubby is so not interested in me. He doesn't want to have sex cuz he thinks he is hurting the baby. (Yep we have been over that MANY times that he is not. Even our therapist told him he is not) He doesn't like my changing body. I asked if he resented the baby for taking over my body and he said yes. Great, just great. What am I supposed to do with that???? It is so hard to not be 'wanted' and 'desired' by your spouse. I am so tired of getting rejected when I try to get close to him. It normally hurts to get rejected but being pregnant with crazy hormones and feeling fat and huge already....It makes we want to scream and cry. We are really good at comunicating and we go to a wonderful amazing thearapist but I he just can't understand what I need from him.

Please tell me that others are going through this too. What do you do?
My dh was like this with the first two. This time we made it a little further- but no sex now. We went up till about 16ish weeks this go, the other times, he didn't want to have sex from ppt forward. I am sorry that this is happenening to you, and wish I knew what made their minds think of it in that way??????????
 

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I wonder if my husband is not letting on that he is bothered by the baby. He is so happy that my almost no boobs are full and bigger than ever. But I am so tired by the time he is home from work, that we never do anything anyway. I am kind of in the mood, but too tired to do anything about it. I had a dream that we had great sex last night. Wow it was hot! Too bad he was already far off to work by the time I woke up to grab him.

One reason I think that DH is a bit bothered about the pregnancy, is that he now wants the lights off when getting together.

I totally agree about sexy lingerie. And try to initiate things. What man says they aren't interested but says no in the moment?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by stardust swallower View Post
psychologizing aside... I say take your sexuality into your own hands. Eh em. Literally. I bought my first vibrator when I was pregnant last time.

That's what I would do, buy a toy and use it right next to him in bed
see if that wakes him up.
 

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Originally Posted by SmoothieMom View Post
That's what I would do, buy a toy and use it right next to him in bed
see if that wakes him up.

See my ex fiance had toy envy, that didn't work, he actually would go sleep on the couch. HAHA He wanted to throw away the toy, good thing he didn't because he left me! LOL I LOVE MY TOY! GET A TOY! GET A TOY!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thanks for making me laugh ladies!!!

I appreciate all the replies and support. I learning that pregnancy is crazy in so many ways but amazing in so many other ways. Hubby and I have been together for 12 years. We have got throught lots of tough stuff. We will get through this.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarlet_Redhead View Post
My hubby is so not interested in me. He doesn't want to have sex cuz he thinks he is hurting the baby. (Yep we have been over that MANY times that he is not. Even our therapist told him he is not) He doesn't like my changing body. I asked if he resented the baby for taking over my body and he said yes. Great, just great. What am I supposed to do with that???? It is so hard to not be 'wanted' and 'desired' by your spouse. I am so tired of getting rejected when I try to get close to him. It normally hurts to get rejected but being pregnant with crazy hormones and feeling fat and huge already....It makes we want to scream and cry. We are really good at comunicating and we go to a wonderful amazing thearapist but I he just can't understand what I need from him.

Please tell me that others are going through this too. What do you do?
I'm with you! My husband says that it's stress, but somehow his 'stress' has increased at the same rate as my belly. He has admitted that my growing belly, "doesn't help", but he's a very sensitive guy and won't say anything offensive. I've gotten the impression from the beginning that my belly kind of weirds him out. He's been a lot more tentative about touching my belly from the beginning. He will even reject oral sex, so it's pretty extreme.
:

I tell him that what I really need is cuddles and touch. I can live without the sex, but not without affection. I make sure that we take baths together, I'll ask for back rubs, etc. We've also agreed that we will spend time together every night mediating together. I would still like to feel desirable, but at least if we're snuggling I still feel close. Perhaps you can try some of those ideas.
 

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yep, i agree that discussing the total lack of affection may help....even if he is not comfortable with sex right now, he can at least try to understand that you need to feel appreciated and loved and there are a lot of ways of doing that like flirting, touching, hugs, etc. (none of which hurt the baby, by the way). hoping you guys get on the same page soon!
 
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