[erigeron]

<p>Hubby and I have been idly discussing baby names since 2006, and I've kept the discussion going throughout the years because we have such opposite taste that I knew it would take us that long to decide on something we both liked! There are several categories of names that we both dislike, so I don't have to worry about those. But I like pretty, classic names, sometimes Biblical (Lydia, Samuel, Ruth, etc), most of which he finds boring or thinks they "sound old". He likes really grandiose mythological names like Athena, Orion, etc. which I find to be too out there. The only names we've managed to agree on so far are names that we could agree we didn't both dislike, but I'm not excited about any of them! I do try to really consider each name he puts forth and I feel like he just snaps to judgment on the ones I suggest and won't consider them any further. I say a name, he says "Nah, it sounds old" and I can't get him to reconsider any further than that. It's driving me CRAZY.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was annoying the crap out of me so I told him I was going to name the baby after a football player he doesn't like, in order to get his goat (I know, real mature of me). It turned into a whole big thing and the ultimate outcome was that we both would come up with a list of names we liked and then we'd each pick one name from the other's list so we'd each have a 1/2 chance of getting a name we liked (we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet). So I am making my list, but every once in a while I can't resist the temptation to float one name by him and he never likes any of them! I know he ultimately has to pick something off my list but it's getting really discouraging.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Anybody else going through this?</p>

 

[Katielady]

<p>We had similar issues and it was really frustrating. We did end up making lists and that helped a lot. Also this site is good: <a href="http://www.nymbler.com" target="_blank">www.nymbler.com</a>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If it makes you feel any better, I was in real despair about this issue for both kids, but we did end up finding names that we are both happy with. You'll get there!</p>

 

[la mamita]

I know someone who literally could not decide on a name with her partner and ended up doing an Olympics style competition to decide on the name. I think they had narrowed down a list but didn't have any clear winners. So there was arm wrestling and a foot race and some other events, and then the 'winner' of those got to pick the name. <img alt="orngtongue.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif">

 

[flightgoddess]

<p>Well, if it gets too hard, then start looking to relatives or places that have meaning to you, and use those as starting points. Maybe one of your grandparents or greatgrand parents had an interesting name or middle name...or even a surname!</p>

 

[Eliotsmum]

<p>We had this problem for boy names.  DH drove me insane and all my co-workers were laughing at me as he'd send these lists of AWFUL hillbilly names.  It got really stressful and in the end I refused to discuss it until the baby was born.  He was called Unnamed Son for the first two days until we settled on Eliot.  Spelled that way as DH was going to call him Eli (the compromise), however, Eliot is an Eliot and no one calls him Eli  - it doesn't suit him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now I'm preggers again and DH started with the lists of names and I told him I would not discuss until we know the sex.  Hoping for a girl as we have a name we both like.  If it is another boy I don't know what we'll do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Good luck to you.  It is awful.</p>

 

[Twinklefae]

<p>In the end we picked three names for each gender (full names, first and middle) and waited til he was born.  DH had been lobbying for Jason, held him for the first time and said "Well, you're not a Jason.  Hi Orion." <span><img alt="mecry.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/mecry.gif"></span></p>

 

[Smokering]

<p> </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">
<div>DH had been lobbying for Jason, held him for the first time and said "Well, you're not a Jason.  Hi Orion." <span><img alt="mecry.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style=""></span></div>
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</div>
<p>You know, I HATE it when people do that. I don't think either parent has the right to mysteriously divine that a child "is" a particular name. I'm not sure I buy that philosophy to begin with anyway, but more to the point - what's to stop the other parent saying "No, look into his eyes, he's clearly a Sam", and the other retorting "No, I had a dream when I was pregnant that he was Orion", and the other saying "But when I was thirteen I was told by a wise woman in the woods that I'd grow up and have a child and name him Sam, but that I must not reveal this until he was born for fear of angering the gods", and the other saying "But in my previous life I had a son called Orion who died, and this is his reincarnated spirit"... and so on and so forth, only to have the kid grow up and change his name to Hunter because he thinks it's cool?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I mean, there's nothing wrong with saying "You know, now he's out I don't think he looks like a Martin", or even "I get a sort of Adam-y vibe from him, what do you think?". We were pretty sure we wanted the name Rowan, for DD, but checked to make sure she "looked like" a Rowan when she was born (although what we would have done if she hadn't, I really don't know!). But that's not the same as declaring your name preference to be a metaphysical reality, so that the dissenting parent is put in the nasty position of seeming to go against Fate/the child's true self/intuition/whatever. It's like... philosophical blackmail.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Better than a friend of mine, though. HER husband, who is a truly vile man, wanted to give their ninth child a certain name she disliked (Nathan), and even though she refused, he told all the other kids and all the friends and family that the baby's name was Nathan, so by the time she recovered from the birth it was too late to change it. I thought that was a dirty, dirty trick to play on your WIFE who had just gone through childbirth... AGAIN... but anyway, I could tell you stories about this guy that'd make your hair curl, so it wasn't out of character.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Anyway: OP, I feel your pain. DH has vetoed practically all the names I've come up with, including some I REALLY like, and only come up with two or three ideas of his own - one of which is wildly inappropriate, and the others I vetoed already with the first pregnancy. </p>

 

[Marissamom]

<p>we had that problem with our first, could not decide on a girl's name, we ended up making a list of names and saying we would wait until we met her to decide. she got named about 4 hours after she was born. I feel like there's a lot of pressure to pick a name months before the baby is born, but sometimes you really do need to get a chance to meet the baby before you can decide what name suits them. </p>

 

[Twinklefae]

<p><br>
 </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Smokering</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282583/hubby-vetoing-names-vent#post_16082729"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p> </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">
<div>DH had been lobbying for Jason, held him for the first time and said "Well, you're not a Jason.  Hi Orion." <span><img alt="mecry.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style=""></span></div>
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</div>
<p>You know, I HATE it when people do that. I don't think either parent has the right to mysteriously divine that a child "is" a particular name. I'm not sure I buy that philosophy to begin with anyway, but more to the point - what's to stop the other parent saying "No, look into his eyes, he's clearly a Sam", and the other retorting "No, I had a dream when I was pregnant that he was Orion", and the other saying "But when I was thirteen I was told by a wise woman in the woods that I'd grow up and have a child and name him Sam, but that I must not reveal this until he was born for fear of angering the gods", and the other saying "But in my previous life I had a son called Orion who died, and this is his reincarnated spirit"... and so on and so forth, only to have the kid grow up and change his name to Hunter because he thinks it's cool?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I mean, there's nothing wrong with saying "You know, now he's out I don't think he looks like a Martin", or even "I get a sort of Adam-y vibe from him, what do you think?". We were pretty sure we wanted the name Rowan, for DD, but checked to make sure she "looked like" a Rowan when she was born (although what we would have done if she hadn't, I really don't know!). But that's not the same as declaring your name preference to be a metaphysical reality, so that the dissenting parent is put in the nasty position of seeming to go against Fate/the child's true self/intuition/whatever. It's like... philosophical blackmail.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Better than a friend of mine, though. HER husband, who is a truly vile man, wanted to give their ninth child a certain name she disliked (Nathan), and even though she refused, he told all the other kids and all the friends and family that the baby's name was Nathan, so by the time she recovered from the birth it was too late to change it. I thought that was a dirty, dirty trick to play on your WIFE who had just gone through childbirth... AGAIN... but anyway, I could tell you stories about this guy that'd make your hair curl, so it wasn't out of character.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Anyway: OP, I feel your pain. DH has vetoed practically all the names I've come up with, including some I REALLY like, and only come up with two or three ideas of his own - one of which is wildly inappropriate, and the others I vetoed already with the first pregnancy. </p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
I suppose I forgot to add that Orion had been my pick all along, so it was really just him dropping his point of view and agreeing with me.  I'm sure the 45 hours of labour had way more to do with it then any kind of mystical sense.  It's just a cute story.</p>

 

[erigeron]

<p>Quote:</p>
<div class="quote-container">
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>flightgoddess</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282583/hubby-vetoing-names-vent#post_16082460"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div class="quote-block">Maybe one of your grandparents or greatgrand parents had an interesting name or middle name...or even a surname!</div>
</div>
<p><br>
Yeah... tried that. My grandmother is Mary, and I both like the name and would love to name my child after her. He thinks it's boring. My great-grandmother (who I never met, so it's not the same sentimental attachment) was Irene, which I could also go for. He thinks it sounds "old" and made cracks about white-haired ladies at bridge club. I know my family tree back generations and he's shot down every family name I've floated except, maybe, one which he never gave me an answer on. He doesn't know any family names from his family. We've considered Winona, which is the name of the town where he was born, and it's a possibility.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There are not a lot of stones that we've left unturned. I really hope this magic list yields something we actually like, because I hate the idea of giving our babe a name which has only the recommendation of "neither of us loathes it".</p>

 

[erigeron]

<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Eliotsmum</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282583/hubby-vetoing-names-vent#post_16082483"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div class="quote-block">It is awful.</div>
</div>
<br><br><p>It really is. *grump*.</p>

 

[Smokering]

<p> </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">
<div>I suppose I forgot to add that Orion had been my pick all along, so it was really just him dropping his point of view and agreeing with me.  I'm sure the 45 hours of labour had way more to do with it then any kind of mystical sense.  It's just a cute story.</div>
</div>
</div>
<p>Aww, well, that's another story. </p>

 

[dakotablue]

<p><br>
 </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Twinklefae</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282583/hubby-vetoing-names-vent#post_16083295"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I suppose I forgot to add that Orion had been my pick all along, so it was really just him dropping his point of view and agreeing with me.  I'm sure the 45 hours of labour had way more to do with it then any kind of mystical sense.  It's just a cute story.</p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br><span><img alt="orngbiggrin.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif"> Dh did the same thing. We had to chose between naming DS after him or after my grandfather. Honestly I didn't want to name DS after Dh because there are already so many of his name in our family and in the world in general, but I wasn't going to stop him if this was what he wanted (life long dream or whatever). Dh chose my Grandfathers name after seeing Ds for two seconds.</span> <span><img alt="love.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/love.gif"> Makes you love the man all that much more.</span></p>

 

[Sol_y_Paz]

<p>If it is a girl we have a middle name which has been passed down through generations on the maternal side and of course a last name but no first name.  If it is a boy we have a middle name which has been passed down through generations on the paternal side and of course a last name but the first name is up for grabs.  DH never likes any I suggest, well there was one 2 years ago but he doesn't care for it anymore.  There is one I am adamant about (he does not know this) and he does not like the name.  I am going to get that name.  I just have to figure out how.  He gets the middle name and the last name and I want to pick out the first.  Maybe I can say he can pick out the girl's first name if I can pick out the boy's first name, as this particular first name means a lot to me and is super important to me.  And of course we could call the boy or girl by their middle name too.  </p>

 

[Curlyfry7]

<p>For us, naming is a 9-months-long intense discussion that involves LOTS of list making-drives my DH nutso, but then again, he's the pickier one, so.....We did not find out gender for our 1st (DS)....made tons of lists starting with each of us making a list of our top 25 names, crossmatching it for ones we both liked, then making the top 10 list, etc etc. We finally each got to pick one name for each gender that the other one was at least OK with, and then if baby was a boy he made the final choice, and if baby was a girl, I made the final choice. Luckily for me, by the time we had him, both of us liked the same boy's name the best, so that was that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For our second we DID find out gender, in part because we didn't want to try and come up with any more names than we had to. We went to the birth center armed with a list, and a couple of top contenders, but couldn't decide for sure until they pretty much insisted prior to us leaving. We both feel her name fits her but I'm still not sure it is completely "my style" if that makes any sense.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For a third we are probably NEVER going to come up with a boy's name. Like your DH, mmine shoots down every single name I like-they aren't even somthing he'd consider. I finally came up with one name a couple nights ago that he said "maybe", so that will most likely be the one if we ever have another boy.</p>

 

[erigeron]

<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Sol_y_Paz</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282583/hubby-vetoing-names-vent#post_16085193"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>If it is a girl we have a middle name which has been passed down through generations on the maternal side and of course a last name but no first name.  If it is a boy we have a middle name which has been passed down through generations on the paternal side and of course a last name but the first name is up for grabs.  DH never likes any I suggest, well there was one 2 years ago but he doesn't care for it anymore.  There is one I am adamant about (he does not know this) and he does not like the name.  I am going to get that name.  I just have to figure out how.  He gets the middle name and the last name and I want to pick out the first.  Maybe I can say he can pick out the girl's first name if I can pick out the boy's first name, as this particular first name means a lot to me and is super important to me.  And of course we could call the boy or girl by their middle name too.  </p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
Good luck with that! I tried the compromise approach with mine. DID NOT WORK. He wanted to find a name that we were both excited about. I'm not optimistic about that happening. My theory is that way I at least have a 1/2 chance of getting a name I like, and if I don't win, then at least I know that he's happy. But I explained that reasoning to him and he doesn't buy it. Apparently he won't be happy for me to give the baby a name I love, which makes me much less inclined to give in and let him use a name he loves that I'm not crazy about. It's a vicious cycle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My parents did the compromise with my sister because she wanted the name she really liked for a girl and around the same time he'd floated a boy's name so she cut a deal. I don't think my dad disliked the name to begin with, though, so it may be a different situation.</p>