I'll try to summarize this the best I can. My SIL is due in about a month or month and a half. DH and I have always gotten along very well with them, in fact they are about the only ones in his immediate family that we get along with so good. About a month ago BIL and SIL asked DH and I to be the baby's godparents, we were thrilled. DH was especially excited and when our little one gets here we had discussed having them as our godparents as well, we hadn't decided for sure just the possibility.<br><br>
Well yesterday BIL was in an accident. He is fine now, nothing too serious. DH and I rushed to leave work to go up to the hospital 2 hours away to be with SIL and BIL. We stayed there all day making sure preg. SIL was ok.<br><br>
Last night some other family members came to see how he was. It was SIL mom, brother and my in laws (my BIL parents). So BIL and SIL tell us that since most everyone is there together anyway they want to discuss a few things about when the baby is born. They start by telling me and DH that they hope it wont hurt our feelings but that they would rather we not be the godparents, they want SIL brother and his wife to be it. We were a little shocked mostly becuase they had already asked, and why ask someone unless you are 100% sure. They then tell everyone that they want only a few people at the hospital for the birth. Which is fine I understand completely about the 2 of them wanting to be there together. But, then they say that the only people who are "allowed" to be at the hospital is SIL mom, brother and his wife, SIL co worker, and SIL cousin.<br><br>
At this point I feel that they (mainly SIL) is completely discluding BIL side of the family. We didn't step in and say anything but told them that if that is what they want that is ok with us. We both felt terrible though. We stayed late and gave SIL a ride back to her house for the night, in the car she tells us again she hopes we aren't mad. Then she says that she did want us as godparents but since we live close to MIL and FIL, who she doesn't get along with, she decided against us because if anything were to happen to them she wouldn't want her kids that close to them. She then says that if anything were to happen she wants her side of the family to take the kids and she doesn't want BIL side of the family to have any contact with the children.<br><br>
BIL wasn't there to hear this, and obviously this is something the two of them need to decide, and apparently have. We aren't going to say or suggest anything, its not our place to step in. But now we are rethinking having them for our godparents. I mean if she wants all contact with BIL side of the family cut there is no way she would keep contact with them for our children.<br><br>
We haven't officialy asked them to be the godparents but I know they are expecting it. She has even made some not so subtle references to the fact that as the babys godmother she is going to do such and such...I feel that when we tell them who we have chosen she is going to take it very personaly. I want to explain to her that I am concern about her not wanting to be involved with the rest of the family. DH said that we don't owe her any explanation, he says she should respect our wishes like we did theirs.<br><br>
I'm not really sure what to do. I know its only the godparents and not such a big deal, but there was a lot of personal attack as well. I don't not want to choose them just because they didn't choose us. I just feel that their reasoning is out of line and don't want to potentially put our children in that position.<br><br>
Would you explain why you aren't choosing them or just leave it at the fact that we have chosen someone else? If she asks do I honestly tell her how hurt MIL and FIL were at being told not to be at the hospital? Or do I just tell her that if she is wondering she should ask them?
Well yesterday BIL was in an accident. He is fine now, nothing too serious. DH and I rushed to leave work to go up to the hospital 2 hours away to be with SIL and BIL. We stayed there all day making sure preg. SIL was ok.<br><br>
Last night some other family members came to see how he was. It was SIL mom, brother and my in laws (my BIL parents). So BIL and SIL tell us that since most everyone is there together anyway they want to discuss a few things about when the baby is born. They start by telling me and DH that they hope it wont hurt our feelings but that they would rather we not be the godparents, they want SIL brother and his wife to be it. We were a little shocked mostly becuase they had already asked, and why ask someone unless you are 100% sure. They then tell everyone that they want only a few people at the hospital for the birth. Which is fine I understand completely about the 2 of them wanting to be there together. But, then they say that the only people who are "allowed" to be at the hospital is SIL mom, brother and his wife, SIL co worker, and SIL cousin.<br><br>
At this point I feel that they (mainly SIL) is completely discluding BIL side of the family. We didn't step in and say anything but told them that if that is what they want that is ok with us. We both felt terrible though. We stayed late and gave SIL a ride back to her house for the night, in the car she tells us again she hopes we aren't mad. Then she says that she did want us as godparents but since we live close to MIL and FIL, who she doesn't get along with, she decided against us because if anything were to happen to them she wouldn't want her kids that close to them. She then says that if anything were to happen she wants her side of the family to take the kids and she doesn't want BIL side of the family to have any contact with the children.<br><br>
BIL wasn't there to hear this, and obviously this is something the two of them need to decide, and apparently have. We aren't going to say or suggest anything, its not our place to step in. But now we are rethinking having them for our godparents. I mean if she wants all contact with BIL side of the family cut there is no way she would keep contact with them for our children.<br><br>
We haven't officialy asked them to be the godparents but I know they are expecting it. She has even made some not so subtle references to the fact that as the babys godmother she is going to do such and such...I feel that when we tell them who we have chosen she is going to take it very personaly. I want to explain to her that I am concern about her not wanting to be involved with the rest of the family. DH said that we don't owe her any explanation, he says she should respect our wishes like we did theirs.<br><br>
I'm not really sure what to do. I know its only the godparents and not such a big deal, but there was a lot of personal attack as well. I don't not want to choose them just because they didn't choose us. I just feel that their reasoning is out of line and don't want to potentially put our children in that position.<br><br>
Would you explain why you aren't choosing them or just leave it at the fact that we have chosen someone else? If she asks do I honestly tell her how hurt MIL and FIL were at being told not to be at the hospital? Or do I just tell her that if she is wondering she should ask them?
