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After working in my HR professional career for 4 years, I gave birth to my first son in 2013. After my 3 month leave was over, I of course returned to work and my husband and I agreed on childcare with a private nanny and gradually went from part time sitting to almost full time after a few years. I and self sufficient as my husband knows and he is also.... we were happy. Late 2016 I got pregnant and due to severe morning sickness, I lost my job after 7+ years in January 2017, being only 5 months pregnant. I began job hunting, hoping my pregnancy wouldn't interfere with my qualifications but I know it is rare for an employer to hire a pregnant lady... IT'S THE TRUTH... After the loss of income, we wanted our toddler to still see his friends and socialize at his caregivers so we took him 1 day a week. During my high risk pregnancy, my husband DEMANDED me to maintain the house cleaning, laundry, and meal prep... in addition to all of this, I was expected to home school our 3 almost 4 year old... husband would come home and criticize, belittle, and insult me by name calling and verbal scrutiny. This still continued after birth of second baby... 5 months later, I began job hunting again. My husband would come home to watch the boys as I went on interviews.... NOW that I landed a great job paying almost double salary compared to my last job, he is arguing with me about me not staying home. And calls this a wannabe career that I will fail in anyways. He says he hates me for doing this to the boys and says the nanny might as well be their new mom. Now I feel guilty, he has succeeded in that unfortunately. Please give me perspective from the outside-looking in.... thank you.
 

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I think you gotta do what you gotta do and that is TAKE THIS JOB. Sounds like things were better when you were working. You know the truth that your nanny is not a substitute Mom. I really think you need to live your own life and not let your husband's insults drive the household.
 

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You ought to make this decision on whether you need the income, and if it benefits the family, what about benefits etc? I agree sounds like your hubby has issues.. I didn't work partially because I couldn't find a good enough job to justify not being home. i.e. my income would barely cover daycare. Also I had a preemie, at 3/4 months he was still like a newborn.
 

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After working in my HR professional career for 4 years, I gave birth to my first son in 2013. After my 3 month leave was over, I of course returned to work and my husband and I agreed on childcare with a private nanny and gradually went from part time sitting to almost full time after a few years. I and self sufficient as my husband knows and he is also.... we were happy. Late 2016 I got pregnant and due to severe morning sickness, I lost my job after 7+ years in January 2017, being only 5 months pregnant. I began job hunting, hoping my pregnancy wouldn't interfere with my qualifications but I know it is rare for an employer to hire a pregnant lady... IT'S THE TRUTH... After the loss of income, we wanted our toddler to still see his friends and socialize at his caregivers so we took him 1 day a week. During my high risk pregnancy, my husband DEMANDED me to maintain the house cleaning, laundry, and meal prep... in addition to all of this, I was expected to home school our 3 almost 4 year old... husband would come home and criticize, belittle, and insult me by name calling and verbal scrutiny. This still continued after birth of second baby... 5 months later, I began job hunting again. My husband would come home to watch the boys as I went on interviews.... NOW that I landed a great job paying almost double salary compared to my last job, he is arguing with me about me not staying home. And calls this a wannabe career that I will fail in anyways. He says he hates me for doing this to the boys and says the nanny might as well be their new mom. Now I feel guilty, he has succeeded in that unfortunately. Please give me perspective from the outside-looking in.... thank you.
Your husband is being verbally abusive and I think it will get worse unless he is called on it. By this behavior, I would be reluctant not to be self sufficient if he cannot respect you.

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I think you know what you need to do from what you have written. He is abusive, and it will only get worse. Do you want your children growing up thinking that is normal, and that is how they should treat women? If you still love him then counciling for both of you, if he isn't willing to see any issues, then I would be giving him the boot.
 

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Counselling for both if you really want to but not together. Joint counselling with an abusive partner is usually contraindicated as the abuser can and will use information gained in the sessions to further abuse.

I would also suggest that you have no expectation that the counselling will improve his behaviour. There is a very tiny percentage of abusive partners who change when confronted with their behaviour. The vast majority will not and the best thing to do is develop a safe exit strategy, whether you love him or not.

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If you don't mind me asking...what is this job that he calls a wannabe job? I see a lot of people here are quick to call your husband abusive or controlling but having one side of a story is hardly any means of evaluation. What's the question here? Are you just venting or looking for validation? I don't understand the point of your post. If you want to work, work. If he doesn't like it, that's his problem. If you don't like something he says to you, call him out on it, just be reasonable. Stand up for yourself. Have confidence. It seems like you may be victimizing yourself almost due to a sense of learned helplessness. You are only as strong and confident as you believe yourself to be.
 
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