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We circumcised our son, now 4, I didnt really want to-but I wasnt that educated so I said "hes a boy, let dad make the decision." I regretted it immedietly because the thing was so hard to take care of and we spent the next year "pulling his penis" because it kept trying to grow together. My husband still trys to do this which I hate.<br><br>
So I am pregnant again, we wont know the sex of the baby till it is born, and I actually would love a boy. But I kind of hope its a girl because my husband and I are at a complete standstill on this issue. I refuse to allow another boy to be circumcised, and he refuses to not. I dont even think he really has a reason for it, besides his own warped sexual view....or mabye something about looking like Daddy. He wont even discuss it with me. (Because he knows I will attack him-and I am not a very understanding wife on this issue.)<br><br>
I am really not interested in anyones opinion on circumcision, or my husband...(I know how this board can get LOL) but I am curious if anyone else has faced this and how did it work out? What was your personal experience?
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">My husband still trys to do this which I hate.</td>
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Not to sound mean, but that's pretty akin to molestation and can be VERY damaging to your son's penis. As in, what he's doing can (and possibly already has) permanantly damaged your son. Now obviously you didn't know better then so it wasn't intentional, but now you do so I'd pass it on to him. If he does it after knowing its harmful (and if you need proof there's pages and pages of it on these boards from medical sources) then yeah. He's got some kind of issues. Your son is 4 and does not need daddy playing with his penis.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">and he refuses to not. I dont even think he really has a reason for it, besides his own warped sexual view....or mabye something about looking like Daddy.</td>
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<a href="http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html" target="_blank">http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/v...ty_of_men.html</a><br><br>
That's why. Don't show it to him obviously.
 

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Hi, Jennifer. I hope you will find the support you are looking for here.<br><br>
I was in a similar situation; I shut down my maternal instincts and let my first be circ'ed, b/c I didn't know any better, and I immediately felt horrible about it. When I got pregnant with my second, I knew I did not want to circumcise him, but my husband was adamant that we do it. Long story short: I did not allow it; hubby did not challenge me after the birth (though we had had some pretty ugly fights about it before the birth!), and now, he is fine with it and even admitted one time that he knows it causes decrease in sexual sensation and that the only reason he ever wanted it in the first place was so he would "be like me."<br><br>
The most important thing for you to do is to educate yourself thoroughly on circumcision--the lack of need for it, the risks, the details of the procedure, etc. Watch the video. Follow the links in the stickies. You need to have more on your side than just emotions, because there are a lot of commonly accepted myths out there that people use to rationalize circumcision, and you need to be prepared for that.<br><br>
Next, I would not keep trying to argue about it. It is not good for you while you're pregnant. And the more you bring it up, the more defensive your DH will get. Few circ'ed men want to be backed into a corner where they are expected to admit that they are missing something important and that they were essentially sexually abused. I let it drop about 6 months into my pregnany and didn't bring it up again. I also didn't talk about it much with DH after the birth. I think, for him, he was almost relieved to have me stand my ground without nagging him to agree with me--that way, he didn't have to (in his mind) acknowledge that his parents may have made a mistake with him.<br><br>
Also, when you do have to discuss it, stay away from the "Intact guys have better sex" argument. That is so NOT what a circumcised man wants to hear!!!! Focus on the risks, the pain, the lack of medical necessity, the interruption of bonding and breastfeeding, the "His body, His choice" angle, and the fact that you will feel as violated and abused as your child will.<br><br>
Bottom line is, Your husband cannot really <b>demand</b> it. He does not have the right to demand parts of your child's genitals. You will be the one who is asked to sign the consent form, and <i>you do not have to sign</i>.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Thankfully I have not had to deal with this, but I wish you the very best! Good for you for wanting to protect your son <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
love and peace. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Super - I think you're right on with your advice. My husband just recently "switched" his opinion and when I tried to get him to watch the video, he refused. I think if he had still been opposed, having him watch the video would have been just the thing he needed to see.<br><br>
As protective as men are of their geintals, I don't think any in his right mind could watch the horror of circ and not imagine how that must feel for the baby, kwim?<br><br>
Anyway, good luck with everything - it's hard changing people's perceptions when they are so ingrained (sp?) in our society. But I think it's definitely worth it.
 

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Me and my dh did have a hard time with the circ. issue he never did really come around on it either until just this last month when I made him watch the circ. video. Finally the light has dawned. But when ds was born dh still wanted it done and I just said no it wasnt happening and when he pushed the baby out of his own body he could do what he wanted to it. But it wasnt happening with ds. End of discussion.<br><br>
I firmly believe that both parents should have a say in how they raise their child but I do not believe it is a parents right to do a cosmetic surgery that can and does affect the child's personal life after they are grown.<br><br>
Please explain to your husband that what he is doing by pulling the adhesions is causing even more scar tissue and trauma and may very well result in your son having major issues with painful erections later on.
 

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Is there any way to get him to discuss his reasons with you, rationally, without you both getting upset?<br><br>
I find that many people who have "mainstream" views on things like homebirth, circ, vax, CIO, nursing, etc, are really just uneducated and going with the majority view they have been bombarded with.<br><br>
Once they are presented with real evidence about the "crunchy" side of things, they often don't really have any support for their own argument and often say, "Oh my gosh, I had no idea," etc etc.<br><br>
If you show that you are open to hearing his reasons without getting upset, then presenting your reasons, maybe you can discuss it?<br><br>
I'm sorry you have to go through this! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MCatLvrMom2A&X</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7966454"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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Please explain to your husband that what he is doing by pulling the adhesions is causing even more scar tissue and trauma and may very well result in your son having major issues with painful erections later on.</div>
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Yeah, I am not really sure what is being done. When we took little 3 month old Aspen to the doctor to ask about what was wrong with his penis-thats what they told us to do. My husband definatly comes from a family that trusts doctors with their lives. (They have had alot of chronic disorders like Chrons and skin cancer where the doctor has "saved their lives.")<br><br>
To be perfectly honest, I am not sure how to clean it at this point. Since my almost 4 year old ds still wears diapers, its kind of my responsibility still. Its as if there is still a little bit of foreskin. I think I actually broke the plastibell off before it was ready to come off accidently which I think caused this.<br><br>
Jenny
 

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When I started giving my dh articles was when he changed his mind about circ. - especially since he is a medical researcher and was faced with the undeniable conclusion that there is no good reason to do it!<br><br>
Now we have a 4 yo circed and a 3 week old not circed. People get very hung up on how the boys "don't match" to which my dh replies, "Who cares, brothers don't stand around comparing them!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
And you know what? My other kids haven't even noticed!!! It's totally a non-issue!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jenniferlearnest</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7966560"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yeah, I am not really sure what is being done. When we took little 3 month old Aspen to the doctor to ask about what was wrong with his penis-thats what they told us to do.</div>
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Jennifer, for your son's sake, would you please have your husband stop doing this? My mother trusted the doctor that advised the same thing. All it led to was a lot of scarring, repeated infection and an eventual re-circ that just made matters worse. That may have been the best medical advice 30-some years ago, but it is way out of date now.
 

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One idea as far as dealing with your 4 year old's issues...<br>
Start taking the stance with your husband that the choice you both made to circ led to these issues he is having. I know you said you let him make the decision, but you are both still responsible for having it happen. I am just thinking you should take this approach and not put the burden of the mistake on him. If you do, he will be constantly focusing on why the decision was the right one, despite the issues. He will be defensive, does that make sense?<br><br>
I agree with the other posters, he needs to stop manipulating his penis. If my husband was doing something like that to my 4 yo daughter, I would be very bothered by it. A son is no different. Do the research and find out what the best way to take care of his penis is right now.<br><br>
As for your new baby, if it should be a boy (or really regardless), start to collect evidence right now and try to keep a positive attitude about the whole thing. Arguing and fighting sometimes makes it a lot harder for someone to see they are wrong. Try to set it up that he can come to the realization himself.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>gridley13</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7966832"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">One idea as far as dealing with your 4 year old's issues...<br>
Start taking the stance with your husband that the choice you both made to circ led to these issues he is having. I know you said you let him make the decision, but you are both still responsible for having it happen. I am just thinking you should take this approach and not put the burden of the mistake on him. If you do, he will be constantly focusing on why the decision was the right one, despite the issues. He will be defensive, does that make sense?<br><br>
I agree with the other posters, he needs to stop manipulating his penis. If my husband was doing something like that to my 4 yo daughter, I would be very bothered by it. A son is no different. Do the research and find out what the best way to take care of his penis is right now.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
 

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would you let your husband demand that you have an epidural and a c-section???<br><br>
put your foot down and say no! just like he dosnt need a reason to say yes, you dont need one to say no!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jenniferlearnest</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7963003"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Husband demands it.</div>
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What would you tell you husband if one day for whatever reason he demands your (or your daughter’s) labia/clitoral hood cut off?! Let’s say he doesn’t like smegma (and women produce a lot of it, more then men do) or he just thinks that it’s cleaner, healthier, cuter, etc. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br>
How in the world is it different from cutting a part of your boy’s genitals off?!..
 

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I agree with Emma's Mommy. I hope some of the suggestions work (Its always nice to have a husband that backs your choices instead of fights you on them!), but if in the end he cannot be swayed, just say no. -hug- Good luck!
 

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Another thought I just had any time this issue comes up avoid using the word circ. Say cut part of his penis off. Since the word circ is so ingrained when we hear it most of the time we dont think about all that it intails. But if you use stronger words. Like Cut part of his penis off every time then they have to think along those lines.<br><br>
I am surprised that with all the issues your son has had and is having he would even consider putting another child thru that kind of torture. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I think people don't always comprehend, in the tabu world of American sexuality, 'normal' vs 'not normal'. People, under the impression that it's 'normal', will go so far as to unthinkingly allow someone to carve up their newborn's genitals! Yet, because it is tabu to speak of, they may not fully understand how <i>abnormal</i> it is to be fiddling with your 4 yr old's penis. At all. Ever. If they are comatose you clean them; other than that, 'normal' people in this culture don't mess with kid's penises beyond diaper age. Some moment that is going to sink in, & both child & father are going to be very, very upset.
 
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