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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, i am new hear to MDC. I used to post here and i am now finding myself in need of the wonderful support i used to feel here.

My hubby confronted me 3 days ago with the harsh reality he is leaving me & our 3 kids. My girls are 7 & 2 & my DS is 4 and has special needs. we have been married 8 yrs & together over 9. I moved 2500 miles away from my family for him & our family 6 1/2 yrs ago. Now he is leaving me... anytime now. I am a SAHM & i'm so hurt, lost ,angry, shocked, devistated,depressed, and most of all betrayed. He said he just isn't in love ith me anymore & he can't stay. he has tried to make it work but we are not compatable. Well we were enough to make 3 kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am terrified as to how my kids & i are gonig ot make it. I know i will get support etc but i mean all around how do i make it?? financially, emotionally etc. How do i explain to my kids daddy is leaving?? Oh god i am so amess right now i feel like i'm spiralling into some unknown , unwanted & undeserved hell.

i can't even finish my post .. i need to stop typing.

Thank you all for letting me vent.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Sadly he won't go to counseling. He said it won't change his mind.

i am so in love with him. i was shocked at this when he told me. i knew we had a few issues we were trying to work on but not enough to cause a split. he said he just isn't inlove with me aymore.
 

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Wow, mama, that hurts. Sounds like you're dealing with the kids and he's not gonna be your rock to lean on...you'll have to find your strength and be your own rock.

My dh left when my kids were 4 and ten months. He also told me he did not love me, and I don't know if I'll ever let go of that hurt. He was drinking pretty heavy at the time, we had lots of non-communication going on...

I cried for days straight until I finally realized I had to get it together for my kids & me. He had to have time to work out his issues, and I WAS too dependent on him for my own good, anyway. He asked to move back in after a month, but I needed us both to go to counseling before I finally agreed to that. He's quit drinking for over 2 years now, and we are survivors.

Look within, the only mind you can change is yours.
 

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So he says he's not in love with you, but does he realize that love changes over time? Have you asked him what it is he used to love about you and what he doesn't love anymore?

It sounds like a breakdown in communication. But if he's completely unwilling to go for therapy, then have you asked him if he's willing to take the children? The reason I ask is not that you want to leave your children, but it always amazes me that men think they can just leave, drop their lives and start over.

I'm so sorry, this must be very difficult. Take care of yourself, if it is really going to end, you will survive, and you will find a man that you deserve, one that's willing to actually learn and grow with you, and not be so rigid in his idea of what love is.
 

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OK, in my opinion, when someone drops a bombshell like this on someone, there is sometimes something else going on. I hate even asking this, but is there a possibility that there is another person in the picture?

 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Mizelenius
OK, in my opinion, when someone drops a bombshell like this on someone, there is sometimes something else going on. I hate even asking this, but is there a possibility that there is another person in the picture?



Hugs from here too.

This has happened to me and to people I know and presented in a similar way. If this is the case mama, I have to say, most of the time the DHs tend to come crawling back in three months tops.

Is it a possibility? I know the thought hurts, but if you still love him and want him, this may all be horribly painful but temporary...if you can forgive it.
 

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I am so sorry you are going through this! You asked how you should tell your kids.... I think you should have your husband do it. When I was a child my parents seperated, dad left. Both my parents talked to us and my dad told us he was leaving and it was all his fault, not mom's or mine or my brother's. I really think that was the best way to do it. As a kid, I never wondered if it was something I had done or any of the other junk you hear of kids worrying about.
 

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I'm posting to let you know I'm thinking about you and your little ones.

I agree with what everyone else has said. I'd just add two things. Consider counselling just for yourself to help you through this and so you can be the rock your kids needs.

And, second, go immediately to a lawyer and find out what to expect, what your rights are, etc. It is a harsh reality but it's worth it to find out what will be coming down the pike and how you can protect your family.

My thoughts are with you.
 
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