[NDFanatik]

I bf my son for 18 mths to the day. For own personal reasons, I was ready to quit at 1yr, but slowly weaned him off over the next 6 mths rather than suddenly stopping. I felt that was better for him.

I have absolutely NO issue bfing up to 2 years (after that I get uncomfortable, please don't bash) and plan to bf this time around for as long as both me and the baby want to up until that 2yr point.

But hubby wants me to quit at 1 year, no longer. He didn't like it when I went past 1yr with my son and has openly told me he doesn't want me to do it again. He knows about all of the benefits of extended bfing and all of that, he just doesn't like it after 1 year. He simply thinks that's too long for a child to bf.

I plan to bf as long as I and the baby both want and I don't know if those same issues with my son will come up this time or not so I can't say how long I will want to bf. I very well may bf for another 18 mths or even 2 years, but I know he's not gonna like that...

Has anyone dealt with a spouse/partner who was like this? What did you do or say?

 

[mamanurse]

I haven't dealt with my husband having an attitude like this, but my sisters and mom will have major beef with me breastfeeding past a year. I'm going to do it anyway, of course. Have you presented any reasearch to him? My husband was reluctant to accept that I will bf until my daughter is at least 2, but I just said it was my decision and not his. He pressed me and said I should wean at a year "like everyone else." I said "Well... it's not like they wake up on the morning of their first birthday and say I'm too old for this $h1t!"

Hopefully some other peeps will have ideas for you.

 

[NDFanatik]

Oh yeah, he knows all about the research and how it's good for mom & the baby and all that lovely stuff. He jokes with me and calls me his little lactivist and always says that if he ever needs to give a nursin woman advice he could bc he's alwys listening to my babbling, lol. He's just stubborn though. Of course, he can't make me NOT breastfeed so he's SOL there, lol. I just want to avoid the "I can't stand you bfing this long" or "why don't you just quit already?" kind of comments. He's already started in with not wanting me to bf after a year and my daughter's only 2 mths!! *sighs* THis is gonna be fun, lmao!

 

[birthdancedoula]

Honestly, I'd have some choice words for my dh if he ever had issues with extended bf. Sorry I don't have a suggestion for a more PC way of dealing with your dh's feelings about nursing past 1 yr. Sure, you can be uncomfy about a babe nursing that long but to tell you he wants you to stop despite knowing the benefits (there are more and more benefits to nursing beyond 1 yr. just now being realized) b/c he's uncomfortable with it...well, that's being selfish but also an unfortunate symptom of living in our breastfeeding-phobic culture.

I'm sorry he's being like that, mama. You've got 10 more months to throw stats and research at him!

 

[lotusdebi]

Not in your DDC, but I encountered this when my first child was about 18 months old. I told DH that he would have to make DS1 feel better after every boo-boo, he would have to get DS1 to sleep gently (no CIO or anything) every night, and he would have to take care of DS1 every time he got sick and make sure he stayed hydrated, and he wouldn't be getting any help from me and my magical milkies. DH changed his mind real quick when he realized just how useful breastfeeding can be, and how much work he'd be in for if I stopped. I nursed DS1 until he was almost four. I haven't heard a peep from him about our 21 month old.

 

[mkmb129]

My husband didn't "like" it either, but never said much other then when are you going to stop, or he's too old every now and then (usually when I complained

), there were times he told me he wanted me to stop, but it wasn't happening. Lots of other people had issues with the past a year thing, too. With my husband, I think it was jealousy (which may sound silly, but they were his boobs first

). He also had a problem with how long it took to nurse him (ds was a hardcore comfort nurser, on the breast all day long, literally!) and again, dh was jealous I think. Now, I'd never stop nursing ds or dd b/c dh just plain didn't want me to and thought it was too old-- that's silly. It's your baby, your body, and your choice. I personally do not feel that this should be a joint decision. Lots of things in a marriage are, but this I don't think is, especially not if you've been nursing for a year and he knew that you've already nursed one baby passed 1 yr and are for letting baby nurse until ready to wean.. it's not like you hid that from him before getting pregnant, again, ya know?

 

[Marcimama]

Why do you think he specifically wants you to stop at a year? I tend to feel like they are still babies until about 18 mon. when they start acting more like a toddler. I would probably say to my dh, "Could you please just give me the benefit of the doubt that I will know when it is the right time to wean? And I will keep in mind that you would like me to wean as soon as possible and honor your request in reason."
Could you consider cutting down to just morning and evening nursing at a year? My dd did that from 14-18 mon and it was great for us all. Hugs, sorry he isn't as understanding as you would like.

 

[lifeguard]

Has he expressed what about bf longer bothers him? Maybe you can address those specific things & find a way to make him more comfortable with it.

 

[NDFanatik]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lifeguard Has he expressed what about bf longer bothers him? Maybe you can address those specific things & find a way to make him more comfortable with it.

He hasn't said much of anything past "1 year is old enough." No reasoning. He's been working 12hr shifts constantly lately with very little days off so we haven't had much down time to discuss it in depth, so as soon as his work slows down I'll be sure to pull him aside and talk about it. I have another 10 mths anyways

Thanks ladies for all your responses... I'm so glad I can come to ya'll with this stuff! My mainsteam mommas don't quite get me when it comes to things like this

In the meantime, would ya'll happen to know of any places that have the benefits of bfing between 12 & 24 mths? Or know of a place I can go with people to help me find those resources??

 

[Faerieshadow]

kellymom dotcom has a ton of great articles on extended nursing.

I remember using a bunch of them myself when ds hit that "magic number" and everyone else though he should stop.

 

[User101]

Moving to breastfeeding.

 

[rhiandmoi]

I think he is concerned that you are being too "weird and crunchy" and he is afraid of "what the neighbors think". I think you should validate his feelings that you are doing something out of the mainstream, but that you are doing it because you want what is best for your child.

If he has stances where he is out of mainstream it would help to gently remind him of them.

 

[SpiderMum]

They are your boobs. You're the only person who can decide how to use them and for how long. I'd demand to know WHY he doesn't want you to go past 1 year...I wonder if he's really even thought about it that hard.

 

[Breeder]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mkmb129 My husband didn't "like" it either, but never said much other then when are you going to stop, or he's too old every now and then (usually when I complained ), there were times he told me he wanted me to stop, but it wasn't happening. Lots of other people had issues with the past a year thing, too. With my husband, I think it was jealousy (which may sound silly, but they were his boobs first ). He also had a problem with how long it took to nurse him (ds was a hardcore comfort nurser, on the breast all day long, literally!) and again, dh was jealous I think. Now, I'd never stop nursing ds or dd b/c dh just plain didn't want me to and thought it was too old-- that's silly. It's your baby, your body, and your choice. I personally do not feel that this should be a joint decision. Lots of things in a marriage are, but this I don't think is, especially not if you've been nursing for a year and he knew that you've already nursed one baby passed 1 yr and are for letting baby nurse until ready to wean.. it's not like you hid that from him before getting pregnant, again, ya know?

Bolding mine.

Correction: They were YOUR boobs first and remain so. Just because they please your husband and feed your baby does not change the ownership of them.

I agree with the second bolded part completely.

Personally, I'd ask him to give me the reasons he thinks weaning at one year old (period) is a good thing. If all he could do is say "I think 1 year is enough" I would counter with: The World Health Organization disagrees (as they currently reccomend at least 2 years). If he further wanted to press the issue I would ask him to do some research as to why I should quit. In the meantime I would compile my own research (from Kellymom, the WHO, the AAP - the AAP states that nursing should continue for at least one year and as long as mother and child wish).

Then I would hear him out, if it's just because he's jealous or it makes him sqeamish or he's afraid of what others would think, I'd let him know I understand, explain the benefits again and then let him know that it's HIS issue and unfortunatly the wellbeing of the child in question is bigger than his issue.

 

[Amila]

My Dh also was not thrilled about me nursing a baby til 2. He thought it was "weird" but this was when I was pregnant and when DD was little. As she got bigger he saw the true magical qualities of the boobie (makes screaming/hurt/sad/upset/boo-boos better) and shut up. He knew I would do what I wanted anyway

He doesn't speak such nonsense anymore with #2

 

[Lisa85]

Quote:

I bf my son for 18 mths to the day. For own personal reasons, I was ready to quit at 1yr, but slowly weaned him off over the next 6 mths rather than suddenly stopping. I felt that was better for him. I have absolutely NO issue bfing up to 2 years (after that I get uncomfortable, please don't bash) and plan to bf this time around for as long as both me and the baby want to up until that 2yr point. But hubby wants me to quit at 1 year, no longer. He didn't like it when I went past 1yr with my son and has openly told me he doesn't want me to do it again. He knows about all of the benefits of extended bfing and all of that, he just doesn't like it after 1 year. He simply thinks that's too long for a child to bf. I plan to bf as long as I and the baby both want and I don't know if those same issues with my son will come up this time or not so I can't say how long I will want to bf. I very well may bf for another 18 mths or even 2 years, but I know he's not gonna like that... Has anyone dealt with a spouse/partner who was like this? What did you do or say?

The same thing I told him when he didn't like the idea of a homebirth. Too bad, so sad. When you get pregnant and give birth, you may decide when and how to give birth and how long to breastfeed.

 

[rivkah]

My 2 cents: He needs to talk about his reasons for not preferring extended BF (just as other posters have said). It may help if you approach him seriously, with an open mind. I agree that they are your boobs, but it is also his child, and he should have a say in how his own child is raised. I personally can't imagine a good reason to wean a child before the age of 2, but that doesn't mean you can't listen to what he has to say and give him the respect of having a valid opinion. There has to be a root cause here: either he thinks it is weird and is afraid of what people think, or he is afraid you are "babying" the little ones, or he resents how much time it takes. I'd say any of those issues can be dealt with in a creative way that will not mean weaning your LO early.

 

[HarperRose]

I refuse to even entertain that kind of stupidity. I've gotten similar thoughts from my dh, too, but I just tell him, "Whatever, dude. Get over it." I do what's best for the baby and I know my dh agrees, he's just trying to adapt again to having a little one around. (There's a 6 yr gap between dd and ds2.) We didn't have this issue w/ ds1 and dd because there is only 18 mos between them.

 

[PassionateWriter]

i dont even know what i would say. there is no doubt in the research that bf'ing is best for the baby and toddler. DS3 will be 3 next month and nurses alot still..if he didnt i would worry about his nutrition. toddlers eat like crap (alot of them) and mine is right there with teh best of them.

im so sorry he is being like that. i dont agree that "its his child too" so he should have a say in taking away the best nutrition available to his child, at any age. it just does not make sense. ;(

 

[MountainMamaGC]

I think i would be hurt if my DH even hinted at such an idea. I talk a lot about some of the obstacles the women here have to deal with. He has always been supportive. I just dont get it.