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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband is in the National Guard and has been gone for a year and a half, before that he was hardly around anyways, but now he wants to be a family and pull his weight (or so he says) and I don't know how to let him do that. I have always done everything with our daughter, our house, and until he got deployed with work. He has read parenting books that I give him to read and when he does parent he is good at it but he hasn't done it for an extended period of time and views it more as a job he can just quit when he wants to. How much should I let him do and how do I get him to actually stick with it and connect with his daughter (almost 3)? Not letting him connect is not an option because even lousy parents get visitation in Idaho unless they have hurt the child and he has never hurt her and if he doesn't work and I leave him I want to be sure he can at least be a parent when he has visitation. Besides that I want him to have a real chance to be a man, being in Iraq has hopefully changed him for the better.
 

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wow, i wish i had advice but nothing sounds right....<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:<br><br>
I bet that it has changed him more then you will ever know. He has probably seen things that made him understand how important you and your dd are to him. I say let him have a chance to prove himself and hopefully he will give you what you.
 

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The hardest part will be letting him make mistakes on his own without you hovering trying to 'manage' his parenting but still being aware enough and discerning enough to know when to intervene when really necessary. He could be touchy if you give too much parenting instruction at once when he's there. Can you write up for him what days are like and what routines your dd is used to and really prepare him for the fact that she may not be ready to just rush into his arms and play like they're best friends?
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">The hardest part will be letting him make mistakes on his own without you hovering trying to 'manage' his parenting but still being aware enough and discerning enough to know when to intervene when really necessary. He could be touchy if you give too much parenting instruction at once when he's there. Can you write up for him what days are like and what routines your dd is used to and really prepare him for the fact that she may not be ready to just rush into his arms and play like they're best friends?</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
Really, that is great place to start. As the other PP said, you will not know how he has changed until he returns and you have had a chance to experience what life with him is like. Honestly, when DH is deployed, I just try to keep an open mind as to how he'll be when he returns -- there is so much that a soldier experiences that they can never *really* share with their spouse in words, but that comes out in other ways!
 

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Ok, here's what I reccomend,<br><br>
Go here<br><br><a href="http://www.mfrc.mb.ca/" target="_blank">http://www.mfrc.mb.ca/</a><br><br>
It's Canadian but it has lots and lots of hints and stuff on how to integrate a previously deployed spouse into every day routine.<br><br>
Don't dismiss it because it's Canadian.....we do have a military we do have members who get deployed, our families go thru the same thing your families do....*I'm a bit defensive*<br><br>
It's a great site....<br><br><a href="http://www.mfrc.mb.ca/" target="_blank">http://www.mfrc.mb.ca/</a><br><br>
Please...
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thank you all for your replies and advice, I am sorry I didn't thank you sooner, we have been sick for the last four days and I only have internet at school so I couldn't get on before now. I am just hoping that his experience has changed him for the better, I am so scared that it has changed him for the worst.
 

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Most of the guys that I know that have returned have come back different men. I'm guessing its for the better for him and he's realized the importance of family. Keep us updated on what happens. Some men learn too late -- its still early in the game if he wakes up now. **hoping
 
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