[VaMountainMomma]

Sorry if this is the wrong spot, please move it needed.

Say if someone were to get separated, and the father would have joint custody of the children. But what if that child is still very young and is exclusively breastfed? How would that work? Surely, the mother can't be expected to pump enough during the week to last all weekend... and going all weekend w/o nursing is just asking for mastitis.

What would happen?

Just hypothetical.

:

 

[woobysma]

Most courts won't grant over-night visitations until the child is about 3, IME.

From what I hear, it's very unlikely that the father (in this scenario) would get more than 4 hour chunks of time for visits with a baby under 1 yo. Frequent shorter visits are more likely than the "every other weekend" scenario that yuou see with older kids.

I've never done visitation with either of my boys, so that's all second hand info. I'm sure other moms here will have more personal experiences to share. Try to stay optimistic, there are precendents in place to protect the mother-child bond in these situations.

 

[guestmama9923]

-

 

[loitering]

I don't have any personal experience (my ex doesn't want to see my babe) but I did read some good stuff on the LLL website.

http://www.lalecheleague.org/LawMain.html

Scroll down to "breastfeeding and family law"

Hope that helps!

 

[mama40]

It depends very much on where you are, and I imagine on how good your lawyer is. "Tender years" is less and less a reason to keep a child with the mother, and states are still experimenting with fathers'-rights movements & joint custody.

In your favor is recent govt support of bf. Keep in mind, though, that bf is still not viewed as a right or anything crucial by most of the US; ebf, even less. And the govt guidelines, iirc, talk only about the child's first year.

If this is a real worry for you, I'd recommend you go to a local women's center and ask about which lawyers in your judicial district have top reputations and are also feminists, and go have a consultation. It might cost you a couple hundred dollars, but you'll have a much better answer than you'll get here.

 

[ExuberantDaffodil]

I think it really depends on the state you are in. Florida is very pro-father, and there have been cases where the judge has said "Too bad" to the mom and ordered eow/overnights to the dad.

: But that's if it goes before a judge. Some states have mandatory mediation before court (such as Florida), and then it is up to the parents (and lawyers) to work something out on their own.

When I went to mediation, I went in with a phase schedule that went from supervised visits to unsupervised visits, to all day Sat/Sun eow(no over night), to overnights eow. We are currently in the unsupervised visits, when x gets ds a couple hours during the week and 3 hours every saturday. Ds is two and still nursing (not exclusively, though

)

I was given a link to a great website for AP mediation. Unfortunately, I could not afford the services they provided, but I did learn a lot. http://www.compromisesolutions.com -- check out the breastfeeing issues link.

I would not rely too much on lawyer assistance. Mine did practically no good - of course, I got what I paid for (pro bono). I had to do all my own research and draw up my own parenting plan, which I took to mediation and compromised on half of. Basically, do all the research you can on family law/custody/visitation in your state and try to get a feel of what to expect.

Good luck!

 

[meowee]

I was told that while a mother can't be forced to pump, if the dad can show he can care for the baby (has diapers formula, a place for the baby to sleep) he could well be granted visitation.

It probably varies a lot, region to region, court to court.

I nearly divorced my DH many years ago and this was one of my primary concerns. We are still together.

 

[Jaydens_mom]

I believe the father would only get the child for a few hours, then be required to bring them home before thier next feeding.. or if you allow (even though it most likely wont be court ordered...) .. to stay over night ( you pump enough bottles for the night )... but you MOST LIKELY will not ordered to let him take the child for the entire weekend.

However, my S/o's DD still has the same court order from when she was a baby... they ordered the mother to allow my s/o visitation every second weekend, from Sat at 10 am to Sun at 6pm... she was under 2 when this was written.

 

[CalebsMama05]

thats another reason why i'm waiting to file...i'm scared this will happen to me and *poof* there goes our nursing relationship...

 

[smeep]

When I went to court for child support I made her put it in the paperwork that there would be NO overnights. So I think he's allowed ot take him from 8 am to 8 pm on saturday and sunday once a month and then for like 3 or 4 hours once a week...something like that, I can't remember. It's not like jerkface uses it, but I did want to make sure that was in the paperwork because I don't trust him not to use his vistation rights just to piss me off. It's effective until the next cs revision when DS is a year old in which case if he's still nursing overnite I can extend it.