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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi Mothers,<br><br>
I just wanted to jot a few lines before bed. I am very surprised by how much Prozac has helped me over the past 3 mos. or so. Dh is also very surprised and grateful, our relationship is really improving, as is my relationship with my daughter. Infact, I am such a better mom and wife on these meds.<br><br>
Which brings me to my next point. I feel a bit sad about that. Because I think, "Really? I had all this great potential inside me that I was powerless to unlock?" I almost feel like I owe it to the med that I'm so much easier to get along with and to enjoy, that it's really the med that's making me so much mor enjoyable to be around; without it I'd be hurting myself, my marriage and my child (emotionally, mentally). It's hard to say this. But it's something I am looking at. I feel sad because I don't really feel like it's me. It's the med. KWIM? Someone say you KWIM. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts, and how they've come to terms with stuff like this....their identity, what they thought they could control, who they are, etc.<br><br>
Thanks
 

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I understand what you are saying, I've felt this way before too. But really, the meds that you are taking aren't what is making you a different/better person. The meds are just helping you to feel better, so you can be yourself. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Does that make sense?<br><br>
You mentioned coming to terms with what you thought you could control...I was like that before I started my medication. I was absolutely determined not to take any meds while I was breastfeeding, so I figured I'd hold off and just "control" the situation until he weaned (I decided this when he was about 7 months old, so I had a long way to go before he weaned!). But as time went by, I got worse and worse, until it got to be so bad that I could not function normally anymore. So, when DS was 10 months old, I started medication, and I am very slowly starting to feel better. PPD is just something too strong to control.<br><br>
I am so glad that you are feeling better and enjoying your family! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I know what you mean!<br><br>
Sometimes I feel like the Zoloft installed those carseats! The Zoloft went to Wal-Mart and the post-office this morning. The Zoloft finished that weird project for my boss at work!<br><br>
But really, this is how I USED to be! Before the pregnancy depression set in, I would get those things done! This really is me. That person who couldn't stop crying and yelled at her kids for just being normal kids wasn't me.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br>
--LEE
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Natural Mommy*J</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9842333"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I understand what you are saying, I've felt this way before too. But really, the meds that you are taking aren't what is making you a different/better person. The meds are just helping you to feel better, so you can be yourself. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> [...] PPD is just something too strong to control.</div>
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I'm glad you are starting to feel better and are enjoying your family. Me too. It's just so amazing to me what a difference it can make. So much of what has been part of my mental landscape for most of my life is now gone.... the constant chattering in my head, worry, over-thinking, over-analyzing everything. I've always thought too much. And now....it's much quieter up there. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> But in a good way. It's just eerie and I'm unaccustomed to it. It almost feels like it's not me........but it is me, because it's the most confident me when I am at my best self. The truth of the matter is, most of my life I have struggled with self-esteem and mood control, and I'm amazed at how this medication "controls" it for me. I'm amazed. Usually I have this kind of feeling in my life after much struggle and turmoil and it would be short lived.<br><br>
My midwives and I were talking yesterday about how it's normal to have mood fluctuations and hormonal fluctuation and the blues after birth. So in the normal range of birth and postpartum you have the good, the bad and the ugly. But then there's normal good-bad-ugly and there's chemical imbalance. The fact that I'm responding to meds tells me there was a chemical imbalance. I'm just amazed.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>leewd</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9842462"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I know what you mean! Sometimes I feel like the Zoloft installed those carseats! The Zoloft went to Wal-Mart and the post-office this morning. The Zoloft finished that weird project for my boss at work! But really, this is how I USED to be! Before the pregnancy depression set in, I would get those things done! This really is me. That person who couldn't stop crying and yelled at her kids for just being normal kids wasn't me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> --LEE</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">: Thank you, I enjoyed this. Yes, I feel like the Prozac is the Fun Mom. My daughter loves me so much more now that I'm on this. I am more relaxed, fun, handle stress so much better. Her normal developmental tantrums that used to drive me nuts, I now handle with much more patience and even sometimes humour.<br><br>
Must run and give dd a bath. Thanks for your responses and more later! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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Glad you are feeling better!<br><br>
Who are we anyway?<br><br>
I look at it this way:<br><br>
We are all products of our experiences. Being abused as a child, dating that psycho, and taking our pills all make us who we are. (Along with our genes, of course.) Even the little things add up to mold who we are.<br><br>
Sometimes I like to blame society and my parents for setting me up to need medication. Living in boxes surrounded by concrete and eating food stored in wood products and plastic shipped from miles away is terribly unnatural. But most of the time I just relish the contentedness I've found.<br><br>
Before I tried SSRIs someone told me "don't worry, you're personality won't change, you'll still be you". She meant well, and maybe some people need to hear that. But my personality DEFinitely changed. I was a raving lunatic and now I'm almost normal; I can function, I'm at peace.<br><br>
It has challenged my philosophical assumptions, but that's part of the beauty of drugs. They humble me and give me a healthy perspective on other ways of being.<br><br>
Peace
 

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I'm still on meds over a year later, and I'm ok with it for now but I still have a hard time sometimes. I am healthy now because of the meds. I acknowledge that. I cope better, I'm a better wife & mother, and I am happier because of the balance that my meds bring. I sleep better, I am more rested, and my kids are happier (and my DH).<br><br>
My shrink explained it to me like this - sometimes women's thyroids go awry after giving birth, so they take thyroid medication, for a few months, or for years. They need the medication until their thyroid kicks in. I need my medication until my brain kicks in with the hormones that I need to survive.<br><br>
I don't see myself as having depression or being depressed. I see myself as an exhausted mother who has a chemical imbalance that hopefully one day will correct itself through time.<br><br>
HTH!
 

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What an awesome way of looking at things. I am going to remember that, COuntry Mom. Thank you for giving that insight and I hopw others see that and recognize that we are not the meds we take, but the meds help us to be who we are.
 

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what good thoughts on this subject and it was timely for me as I've been struggling with this for the past few weeks.<br><br>
WHO AM I?<br><br>
Who is the real person up there - was it me before, or is it me now or is it some merging of the two?<br><br>
The meds have certainly helped clear up the chatter and static, that's for sure and have allowed the decent stuff to have room to grow and thrive, I guess you could say.<br><br>
Interesting thread - thanks.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>anniej</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9854591"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">what good thoughts on this subject and it was timely for me as I've been struggling with this for the past few weeks.<br><br>
WHO AM I?<br><br>
Who is the real person up there - was it me before, or is it me now or is it some merging of the two?<br><br>
The meds have certainly helped clear up the chatter and static, that's for sure and have allowed the decent stuff to have room to grow and thrive, I guess you could say.<br><br>
Interesting thread - thanks.</div>
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Yes, and thanks to all who have responded...but I'm still struggling with this a bit. I hope we keep the discussion going more.<br><br>
I KWYM about clearing up the chatter and static. I saw a letter from my psychiatrist on my file at the midwives' this week, and she let me read it. I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This is not a big surprise given my history, experience and genes. But the more I think about it, the more I feel like it's WEIRD to have the chatter be gone, to have a quieter mental space up there. My brain still works (I am able to analyse and do complex thinking for my job, I can organize and cope and have good social interactions with my family, etc.) ..... but NOT being worried all the time feels so UNLIKE ME.<br><br>
I guess because a hallmark of my personality and self since CHILDHOOD has been that I am a worrier. It's so weird for that to be gone on a daily long term basis for the first time in over 30 years. Part of the worry, displeasure and over-analysis of things has led to major decisions I've made in my life like crusading for causes, making huge changes (leaving an unhealthy abusive homelife at age 17, finishing high school, going to uni, working, and making something of my life), working with impoverished sick people, etc.<br><br>
I have always been someone with intensity and spark and spunk. Now I feel like I've been tamed somewhat. The interesting thing is that it makes me better able to cope with the complexity in my life. But I kind of feel like I'm left asking, "Who am I? What is my personality? Where is the gal I used to be? Do I like this me more? She seems kind of boring but much easier to get along with." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">:<br><br>
I like what someone here posted about taking some meds until your body can take over and smooth things out. It makes a lot of sense. It's just weird when I've gotten more balance on these meds than I've been able to accomplish for myself throughout my whole life using my own efforts (counselling, supplements, CBT worksheets, self-care stuff, etc.). KWIM?<br><br>
I really appreciate this discussion. I hope we keep the ball rolling.
 

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Your post made me think about well, like the genius of some of the great artists and how crazy they all really were. The craziness gave them the creativity, right, but also made their lives hell, I'm sure.<br><br>
So, I guess maybe the challenge is to find the balance and still retain those hallmarks of our personality that we enjoy. I'm still a 'jumps in all the way' kind of girl, but it's a little less out of control.
 
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