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Discussion Starter #1
Posting here rather than in Blended because, well, because. It seems more like a hormonal rant than an actual stepparenting concern.<br><br>
So we still don't have a name.<br><br>
We actually stumbled across a REALLY good name--first and middle--that we CAN'T USE. It would be the science-fictionest-without-being-obnoxious name in the whole world (in other words, named for two great authors, not named Jor-El Spock von Data or something).<br><br>
But we can't use it because the first name is WAY too close to my stepdaughter's name--same first syllable, same number of syllables, and if you shout one, you could just as easily hear the other. (We can't reverse the names and use the desired middle as a first because that won't work with the last name. Anyway.)<br><br>
This bugs me because:<br>
1. I can't use the name because someone else made a decision that precluded it 8 years ago.<br>
2. That someone else wasn't even my husband--it was his ex. She was hell-bent on using her chosen name (which my husband basically acquiesced to--he couldn't stand up to his ex until a couple of years after they split...he's shocked he gets a veto this time around!).<br><br>
Petty, I know. Really tiny, in the grand universe---oooh, my husband's ex made a decision that affects me collaterally, yeah, that's never happened, except every other time that it happens. But, hey, I kept the high ground this week when, I found out in a 2-hour span, that I was being laid off (bad economy) AND sued (for a 3 mph car accident back in February), so I need to tantrum about something and blame someone else.
 

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Not petty. I would be disappointed, too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Well I had my babies names picked out from when I was a little girl. And of course, as I grew up every single one of them was used by someone else in my immediate family. So I can't use any of them. Actually I'm not upset about it because I'd since moved on to new favorites, but I can still understand how this kind of thing could happen and be annoying.<br><br>
Anyhow. Are you positive that swapping the names (with the first as middle and middle as first) won't work with your last name? I ask because I've gone through a few names that at first didn't feel like they "worked" with our last name, but when I thought about it again later I could see that actually work fine.
 

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I know a family who was in a similar situation- his 6 year old son from previous marriage was Zephyr, and the mom named the baby daughter Sapphire. Say those two names. They are practically identical. But they are different people and now that she's 3 I think everyone's over being wierded out about it!
 

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I had a favorite boy name since I was a kid, and well, it's my DSS's name, so I know what you mean. But since I'm having a girl, it doesn't matter this round, and I've had several years to let go my attachment to that name.<br><br>
Sorry your perfect name is not going to work out.<br><br>
And much sorrier to hear you were laid off! DH was too, and we're feeling it here as well. I hope the economy improves for all our sakes. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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My 50 year old dad had a midlife crisis and married a floozie in her early twenties and had a daughter. They chose the name I had had picked out since I was a kid for my own daughter. The nerve! I was furious for so long! I'd name your kid what you want to name her anyway. So both girls come running when you call. No biggie!
 

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I'd just go with the name that you've got your heart set on. If you really, REALLY are of the opinion that it won't work, get a dog or a stuffed animal and use the name on it instead. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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Sometimes we have to let go of our naming dreams b/c of who our partner ends up being, KWIM?<br><br>
I'd always hoped to name a baby after my beloved grandpa, but my husband's last name made that sound simply ridiculous. He didn't choose his last name (and I chose to take it) so it's not like I can blame him, but a part of me was sad this time around when we picked his grandfather's middle name as a potential middle name.<br><br>
Our last name is also a sound-alike with a famous toy, so that ruled out a lot of first names that I loved, too. So I feel your pain! But I thought hard about alternatives and the 2 names we've settled on I'm just so happy about and can't imagine that I ever liked anything better--even the names I came up with 20 years ago!<br><br>
I think you may want to keep your stepdaughter's feelings in mind (as I'm sure you already are). She is in a hard position emotionally and this baby will be a big change for her. If she is feeling insecure about her standing in her father's eyes, those feelings might be made worse if her younger sister has a name that sounds a lot like hers. Just putting it out there that it's a little different than if it were a friend or a cousin who "stole" your name. Technically it was your dh's ex, but your stepdaughter is the one who wears the name, and it's a big part of her identity.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Thanks.<br><br>
This hasn't been a life-long, or even pregnancy-long, dream name--it was just the first that both of us said, "wow, hey, we like that!" But then, maybe 30 seconds later, we realized it wouldn't work. So, like I said, petty annoyance rather than huge crushing blow.<br><br>
And yeah, we are taking my stepdaughter's feelings into account--she would likely feel usurped if there was a sound-alike or a rhyme. Same initial, fine, as long as the names were sufficiently different.<br><br>
Edit: We're expecting a boy, so think along the lines of "Leon" and "Leanne" versus "Leah" and "Leanne." (Those aren't the names, BTW.)<br><br>
Reversing the names doesn't work because it creates a name way too close for my own comfort to a particular celebrity, but "burying" the first name as the middle name takes care of that problem. The cadence is better, too.<br><br>
Ah, well. Maybe Jor-El Data von Spock (I like that better) will have to work after all. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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add another middle name and mix them up.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Well I had that concern and then I decided I didn't give a rats ass what anyone else thinks...My youngest sons name is Ronen my soon to be youngest daughter will be named Rosen...not because I wanted rhyming names but I just happened to REALLY like Rosen and the fact that they rhyme and look the same and sound so similar wasn't going to ruin it for me. I say if you love the name that much you should use it and who cares what anyone else thinks!
 

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I had a kind of similar issue, but not a step-kid or even a kid that exists.... my sister in law heard one of the names we were considering (one of my favorites) and FREAKED out and said I could not use it because it was HER name that she's had picked out for EVER and EVER and if I used it she'd be mad at me forever (and she would... she's a grudge-holder). Sooo yeah. We had to pick another name. It's not too big of a deal but it sure does make me mad that SHE is dictating what I can name MY child because she might someday have a child and want to use that name... *sigh*
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">I had a kind of similar issue, but not a step-kid or even a kid that exists.... my sister in law heard one of the names we were considering (one of my favorites) and FREAKED out and said I could not use it because it was HER name that she's had picked out for EVER and EVER and if I used it she'd be mad at me forever (and she would... she's a grudge-holder). Sooo yeah. We had to pick another name. It's not too big of a deal but it sure does make me mad that SHE is dictating what I can name MY child because she might someday have a child and want to use that name... *sigh*</div>
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I don't think people who aren't even pregnant should get to claim a name. I would use it if I were you.
 

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I've said that if I ever had a daughter, her name would be Lily. I've said this since I was a teenager. Even if my sister had a daughter before me and named her Lily, I still would have used the name.
 

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Its not petty. I have never understood why biomom choose the name she did for dss, he has 2 middle names but his first name and first middle name is Christian Noah, umm she is an athiest.... makes no sense to me lol.<br><br>
What really bothers me is that at the rare times she shows up, she calls him Chris... No one on the planet calls him this, its her new thing and he hates it lol.<br><br><br>
I hope you find a good name soon! Hugs.
 
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