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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
While pregnant with my first baby, I changed my life around for him. I stopped drinking, smoking, doing drugs and staying up late and sleeping all day. I began to read everything I could get my hands on about babies and pregnancy. I interviewed a doctor and a midwife and chose the midwife because I liked her approach. I had my baby without complications or drugs and I began to nurse him right away. He slept with me in my bed because it felt right. My friends pitched in and got us a diaper service so I diapered his little butt in cloth. I focussed on him and began working again as a musician. I carted him around with me to shows and had friends watch him while I played. I even brought him on stage with me when we played festivals and he would fall asleep in my backpack. Or he would bounce along from side-stage in his excersaucer.<br>
I toured with my band for 2 months 6000km, in support of our cd which has a picture of him (asleep in the backpack--of course <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> ) on the cover. I brought a friend along as a nanny. (She was dubbed The Rock Nanny <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/kewl.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="kewl"> )<br>
Weaned, and sleeping on his own. I recorded another album because I could leave him for longer periods of time. There is a song on the album written for him. With his name in it and everything. Never once have I felt like I am not in tune with his needs.<br>
I became pregnant with another baby, and again turned my focus inward. Cheated on, abused, and lied to by their father, and abandoned by him during this, my second pregancy, I moved house and nested. I reconnected with our midwife and went on to have a healthy baby brother. I nursed him as well and the three of us are one. Milk-brothers, blood-brothers, brothers under my watch.<br>
I still play music and am recording another album this summer. I also work a McJob at an organic bakery. I do many other things as well. With my kids mostly, and sometimes without. My kids go to daycare. They also go to many other places. The three of us went camping last week.<br>
We love eachother every second of our lives. We are connected spiritually, intellectually, emotionally all the time.<br>
I provide the solid base that they may spread out and fly.<br>
They know all about what I do and I know all about what they do. Each of us has a unique personality and unique needs. We all want to do different things sometimes. My older son wants to play with his friends. My younger son wants to follow along, I want to work and do adult things. We find a way to meet everyone's needs. I teach my children how to meet their own needs and be aware of others' as well.<br>
We bring our experiences home and regroup in comfort.<br>
I do this all for myself and my kids because it feels so right.<br>
Everybody has a story.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamajama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Everybody has a story.</div>
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Yours is beautiful! Thank you for sharing it with us.
 

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Totally cool! I would like to be able what I want to do.. I need to find some way to balance all of our needs!<br><br>
Question: I see you are in BC... What is your band? Where do you live? Van?.. I'm in PG
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
It's amazing what can be done. I certainly go through times where nothing is going on for me. That seems to be when I start getting depressed, though. I guess I like plugging along at my pace. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
Nym. Unfortunately, I feel the need for confidentiality here. Perhaps one day, I won't need that. It's sad, though because I would love to be able to share that information.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>nym</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Totally cool! I would like to be able what I want to do.. I need to find some way to balance all of our needs!</div>
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I believe that everyone can follow their heart and do what they feel it calls them to do. It may not be everyday, it may not be right now, but you will figure it out and be able to balance it all one day! Keep moving in that direction and you'll be surprised what results you can find.
 

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THANK YOU for sharing your inspiring, colorful, joyful story!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Seasons</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">THANK YOU for sharing your inspiring, colorful, joyful story!</div>
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My pleasure. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br><br>
Nym, the way I have found that works for us is that I do it a bit at a time. As I mentioned before, I do go through dry spells. It is only recently, that I have begun to reflect on my journey as a mother that I realize I've accomplished a lot so far. The recent controversy on these boards about WOH vs SAH blah blah sort of triggered that reflection for me. I don't classify myself either way. (I guess the title of this thread contradicts that but I guess I was making a point). I classify myself according to my own definition of who I am as a person.....and I have kids as well. I never planned out what I would do so much as I have had to do the things I'm drawn to. Like a natural progression. I strive to get to a place where I can plan further ahead. It is hard to do that with little one's, I find, because their needs might change and then the plans go out the window anyway. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
They are still young, though (5 and 2), so we will see.<br>
It all seems too overwhelming to plan out, though sooooo...one little thing at a time.
 

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I love this, thanks mamajama! I can really relate to your story, I too was a party woman pre-baby, but Zane changed everything.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I provide the solid base that they may spread out and fly.</td>
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Beautifuly put.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I do this all for myself and my kids because it feels so right.</td>
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Amen sister!!
 

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mamajama<br>
What a wonderful post <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Darn the need for confidentiality too... I bet your music is great.
 

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Thanks for sharing, it is how I feel in so many ways. I also know what you mean about the WOHM Vs SAHM things. All we are doing as mothers when we engage in that crap is dividing ourselves and keeping ourselves from accomplishing the true changes this country needs. THere are many ways to love a child, and be a family. I have been a SAHM who nannies which is kinda working but I brought my kids with me. Now I am going to be working and them going to preschool three days a week as I am becoming a single mom, but since my husband and I split my kids have been less stressed. THey are doing better because they felt all the stress between us. We are a happy attached little bunch, me and my two boys and I know we are going to do great. THis country needs some realy family friendly policy changes and those are never going to happen if we divide ourselves as mothers. Attachment comes in many forms and I feel it does take a village. My kids thrive in a village too. They can never have too many people who love them.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>momatheart23</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I also know what you mean about the WOHM Vs SAHM things. All we are doing as mothers when we engage in that crap is dividing ourselves and keeping ourselves from accomplishing the true changes this country needs. THere are many ways to love a child, and be a family.<br><br>
THis country needs some realy family friendly policy changes and those are never going to happen if we divide ourselves as mothers. Attachment comes in many forms and I feel it does take a village. My kids thrive in a village too. They can never have too many people who love them.</div>
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I completely agree with what you've written. It is so troubling that we (as society) don't just accept the choices another makes. What is difficult as well is that when we set out to classify ourselves and state who we are or what we are doing, it doesn't move forward towards unity......it creates further separation. When we have to say that we are "something" it creates another way for people to be divided. The more little "groups" there are, the less likely we will learn to accept that all choices are okay.<br><br>
What I have truly loved about this single parenting forum is it's uniqueness in that we don't judge a parent for their choices. We have supported each other no matter what the circumstances. We treat everyone (single mom, single dad, married moms, smc, single moms by circumstance, working, student, stayhome, on welfare, living with parents, etc.) all the same. We don't judge the choices, we help the person deal with their particular circumstance. That has been the biggest reason I continue to be here. This site has largely remained a very supportive, politic-free place and I think that's something special.<br><br>
I hope one day we can all have the confidence to simply live our lives without being judged or judging another!
 
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