[aisraeltax]

i am just so angry right now.
My son is a real jerk about what he wants, etc. Apparently, for whatever reason, his friends are all busy today. OK. he wasn't home when we left to run errands earlier. He hasn't done his chores. they are BORING! he hasnt done anything around the house all day and there is alot to do here. But he's bored..wants to download a program on my computer b/c his is in the shop. uh...NO! i need my computer time or i will not be a nice mommy to you!!! im really trying!
so now he asks me to drive him to his gf's house at 11pm tonight b/c she is going to sneak out and they are just going to "chill". hello?? NO!!!
now he is harassing me! why not mom??? omg im sick! i dont mean he asks every once in awhile..he's askign all the friggin' time.
why not? well, b/c i dont want to enable you to f**k your gf. i don't want to be involved in this girl sneaking out of the house.
he's just MEAN to his 8 year old brother and just MEAN to me right now b/c he can't get this little "favor".
i really am quite nauceous right now...really i am.
please give me some advice. or help. or just "BTDT".
this kid is such an unpleasant person to be around right now. he really is!

 

[lactivist]

Wow you have similar spacing to me. I have a 14yo girl, 8yo boy and 17 month boy. I feel your pain. I totally agree that you shouldn't be helping him to facilitate his girlfriend sneaking out. I am sorry he is punishing you. I haven't had this struggle too much with my daughter but my close friend has a hard time with her 15yo boy wanting to really push the limits including asking her to drive him to a friend's house at 1am! HA! She obviously didn't but he was upset. I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say I totally agree with you and definitely sympathize.
Wendi

 

[Jaydens_mom]

My brother has been in the same rebelious stage since he was 16. He is now turning 18 as of this coming Friday...

Thats 2 years !!!!! My poor mom.

Luckily for her he talks to me.. about pretty much everything...

My mom has a problem with YELLING.. she can never just sit someone down and tell them what the problem is, she has to YELL at them to get it across... which leads to my brother yelling back.

He is into drugs.. he also sometimes doesn't come home at night...
when my mom tells him NO, after he asks to do something, like use her work laptop because his computer has a virus, or her to drive him into town so he can hang out with his friends all night long... he throws a FIT... i mean a biggggg FIT.. he will call her every damn name under the sun.. and then go ahead and do what she told him not to do , anyways... ( ex.. she told him not to touch her new work laptop, he did anyways and installed msn on it )

He also will not do anything around the house ( he does work , but doesn't pay rent or buy his own food ), regaurdless of whether he is doing anything that day or just sitting around.

He doesn't like to be told WHAT to do... but if it benifits him in some way he will do it...

I guess what im getting at is , my mom comes to me and asks me what she should do...

well if the situation is he wants a ride into town, but has done nothing all day, then i tell her to tell him to do something around the house that needs to be done, to EARN his ride into town...

this usually works...

Perhaps you should stress to your son that he can not expect to get things if he is not willing to give...

That he cannot do what he pleases if he refuses to help around the house, and if he wants something he will have to earn it by doing something for you.

 

[aisraeltax]

my son sounds like your brother!
thanks for the support guys. i just feel like i am losing control...not that i have actually had it in a long time but it woudl be nice to simply be respected in my own home.
he blames ME for him being bored but i guess he's not bored enough to take out the garbage. he actually did that and then took off to a friends house. i have a sneaking suspicion that he will be going to his gf's later tonight anyway.
im torn...i snuck out when i was a teenager but i dont want my teen doing that! how hypocritical of me. i cant stand taht part of being a mommy!

 

[Jaydens_mom]

If he is going to have sex, he is going to do it regaurdless of whether you give him the "opportunity" by dropping him off at his g/f's or not...

Just make sure you have the sex talk with him.. as I hope you have already.
Tell him that regaurdless of how well he thinks he knows the person he is engaging in sexual relations with, he doesn't know whether she is infected with an STD or not, so to ALWAYS use protection.
Even take him with you to a store to pick out what kind of protection he'd like to use (let him go fancy if he must)...

DON'T EVER tell him, "if your going to have sex, you're going to have to buy your own protection" ( not saying you have/will but i know some parents have.. ), this doesn't help anything, and basically only states, "im letting you go have sex, i hope you can afford condoms, otherwise im going to be a gramma/grandpa"

If you buy the condoms and give them to him then he has NO excuse.
You may not like the fact that he is having sex, but it's better to be having safe sex, then getting his gf knocked up or getting an STD.

Let him come to you if he runs out, $12 dollars every month or so for condoms, is better than $ 100 + a month for a baby.

I just thought I'd add that in there , because in your initial post you mention that you "don't want to enable him to F**K his gf "

 

[aisraeltax]

yeh, we have had the sex talk alot. his gf is a gf of more than a year and they are in that huge "puppy love" stage where he cant stand not to be with her. remember those days? wow! to feel that again, huh?

good point about the condoms though. i know he has them and know he's had sex at least once and has used them. i hadnt thought about purchasing them for him, but i dont have a problem with it. granted, i dont want him to have sex. but there isnt much i can do about it at this point. i have tried to raise him to respect women, etc. and to "wait" until he's "ready" but teenagers are not always clear on those things.

anyway, i dont want this to turn into the sex thread..just the idea that i wont drive him somewhere at 11pm so his gf can sneak out and meet him. as if! and he's angry with me that he couldnt see his gf. i think he was angry at the FACT and i was there and so he lashed out at me. tomorrow we will have a talk about that. i just felt so hurt by it all earlier b/c no matter what i said he kept asking "why", as if he was 3 years old and didnt understand why he couldnt have the candybar or something.

teenagers are such confused ppl!

 

[Jaydens_mom]

He likely kept asking "why?" because he realized it was annoying you and was hoping you would just say "fine shut up and get your shoes on!".. lol

I am only 19, so that puppy love stage was only about 5 or so years ago for me..

Anyways, back on topic.

Your son is just like many other teenage boys. Rebeling against parental rules, institutionalized settings, and anything that basically doesn't allow for him to do whatever he wants.

They will try and manipulate you, and make you feel sorry for your actions, even call you down to try and get you to give in.

You just have to stand strong.

Don't let him have anything without a price..

Like i already stated;

If he wants a ride somewhere, make him do some simple chores first.

If he wants money, make him work for it like you or your s/o does. ( this could include chores, or you could make him get an after school / summer job )

Let him know respect isn't something you can just demand from someone.. and that if he wants respect from you , then he is going to have to give you respect also.

 

[Pandora114]

Jaydens_mom has some wise words.

About the condoms, buy them, tell him where they are, like "Hey, if you need them, there are condoms in the medicine cabinet"

Make condoms, like you would, menstrual products. (disposable ones) Have some available at all times, and check every so often if they are out. Dont ask dont tell, just keep refilling

Just tell him "hey ifun ya need em they're there" Same as I would a DD who's *just* about to mensturate but is bashful about the whole thing...

 

[Jaydens_mom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pandora114 Jaydens_mom has some wise words. About the condoms, buy them, tell him where they are, like "Hey, if you need them, there are condoms in the medicine cabinet" Make condoms, like you would, menstrual products. (disposable ones) Have some available at all times, and check every so often if they are out. Dont ask dont tell, just keep refilling Just tell him "hey ifun ya need em they're there" Same as I would a DD who's *just* about to mensturate but is bashful about the whole thing...

I don't know why i didnt think about that medicine cabinet ... "dont ask , don't tell" idea.. We actually had that exact thing at a early childhood learning center i used to go to for a GREAT BEGININGS program... They would have pretty much EVERYTHING in there.. from condoms to diapers, and tampons and pads... it got refilled regularly and you didn't even have to mention what you took.. you just took what you needed.

 

[aisraeltax]

im ok with the condoms. really.
im not irked about the sex.
im irked about his attitude that i shoudl drive him to a girls house at 11pm when she is obviously sneaking out of the house? and his inability to take NO as an answer and to get angry with me when he is bored. as if there arent enough things to do around here if one would just look around.
and this was after we had a talk about going to the outlet mall in ME. next week to go clothes shopping.
i was just angry at being badgered by it all.

and what was i going to do with his 2 brothers? one of whom is 7 months old? put him in the car and drive ds1 to the field he was going to meet his gf at and sit there for an hour? i mean, how was he going to get home?? he was being entirely unreasonable.

his gf is having cheerleading practice this and next week and thats driving him crazy b/c she's wicked busy. he was in Fl. for 2 weeks and then worked a bit so he wants to see her now and can't.

i got over the sex issue awhile back. im not happy about it but i got over it. and i will supply condoms rather than have a grandchild. HE is not ready and I am not ready for that. i would just like some advice on how to deal with a 15 (almost 16) yo kid who is sitting on the chair while you are at your computer and is continually harassing you to do the above "favor" at 11pm. i say "no" he asks why? i give some reasons...some of the above, some of the "thats ridiculous". he keeps askign why like he's 3 and really cant grasp this concept. and i just want him to go away! i hate that feelign of wanting my kid to go away. i really really hate that.

 

[mamameg]

BTDT! My stepson is 14 and OMG the attitude! I was thinking about posting here to ask if it's normal. I guess I know it is, but I don't recall being so nasty and sullen... all. the. time.

:

He never wants to do his chores. I always have to ask him to do them and then he acts like I kicked his dog.

My entire day is filled with his "can I" "can I" "can I" "can I" requests. Often these requests are things he KNOWS are against the house rules. And when I say no, he will then pout/sulk/somtimes even tantrum (destroying things) in response. I can't tell if he is trying to manipulate the situation, or if he is really that out of control with his emotions.

:

Even tonight, dinner was ruined because "I didn't want spaghetti

" Even though we were all having spaghetti (leftovers) and I specifically asked him last night if he would want it again tomorrow (tonight). He has a highly restricted diet and I have to make a special batch for him. He said he would "LOVE spaghetti again tomorrow night". And then the fit when that's what he gets. Does he have any respect for the fact that I make dinner every night? (I have NO memories of EVER complaining about what my mother cooked for dinner. I would never!) I try not to let it hurt my feelings, but I work really hard to make nice meals for him (and to make them close to what the rest of the family is eating so he doesn't feel left out), and if it's not exactly what he wants (like french fries), he throws a fit and barely eats.

:

I can't wait for school to start. We've had a bit too much togetherness this summer. Everyone's fuses are short.

:

 

[Pandora114]

Because teenagers have this inate entitlement complex.

They're like toddlers, just older and more verbal.

Tell him that unless he can foot the bill for a sitter while you act as his personal chauffeuse then to really drop it. if he wants to go bad enough he's got two feet and a heartbeat.

I know, not terribly GD, but hey, that's how I'd answer

 

[Emilie]

YEs- I will get off the sex issues with you.

My mom used to take me to meet my first boyfriend who's guardian( his grandma) did not like me. He would sneak out and she would pick him up. I was 13 at the time. Then we would go to the park or wherever.

I can't believe she did that. I wonder what she talked to her friends about me then.
At least he is the one asking and not the one sneaking out?

Hugs mama..... I am not not not looking forward to stuff like this.

BTW- LOVE THE CONDOM IDEA!

 

[Emilie]

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif[/IMG]:

:

 

[aisraeltax]

the 2 feet and a heartbeat is what scares me though. we live out in the country. her house is at least 2 miles away, and the street to get there is a rural country road but one that is 2 lanes and has cars sporadically driving past at 70 mph at times, kwim?

i guess i have to get past the being scared part. he is a 6'2, 180 lb. KID..yes, he hates that but he is just a kid. i look at him and see my baby boy growing up and HATING me b/c he's bored. it brings tears to my eyes.

i just wish there was somethign i could say. somethign that would make him understand taht i love him and want to protect him but he cant sit there and harass me, kwim?

 

[Emilie]

Yes- I wuold not like that at all?
Do they not see each other during the day?

 

[aisraeltax]

they havent seen each other in a few days. right now she is in cheerleading practice (she is SOOO girly girly..dont take that the wrong way i was a cheerleader too). my son was away with his father; he was working for a little while and just got back yesterday so they probably havent seen each other in close to a week.
it KILLS him. but i understand that. what i dont get is his anger toward ME b/c of this. i woudl have driven him to visit her today but something was up and she couldnt have visitors (i wish it were like that in my house..he has visitors here all the time). her mom is really weird too...she will just sporadically say the girl cant have any visitors and wont give a reason.
the mom is prego so i understand visitors are a pain sometimes but they are always welcome in my house, so we are just different. i wouldnt mind driving to get the gf but no one from her house will share the burden. so i have to go get her, then take her home. i know it doesnt sound like a biggy but jeez...you would think someone could do the one way. it is ONLY 2 miles. and i know its only 2 miles and not a big deal, but loading up the other boys both ways gets a little old. i know he is bummed he couldnt see her...but be nice to mom will ya? pls?

 

[Emilie]

it is testosterone.

Hand him a girly mag and send him to his room

:

:

 

[aisraeltax]

lol

 

[Emilie]

are you upset I said that?
Im sorry.